When people ask "do Muslims date?" A big chunk of Muslims will quickly respond with a "Hell No!" Because remember that Hadeeth about Shaytaan being the third? Ya, so of course Muslims don't date, commit adultery or drink alcohol or have gay sex or break any other Quranic tenet. Muslims are perfect angels with no faults.
But if you've lived among a large Muslim population, befriended Muslims or visited a Muslim majority country, you will learn that things are not very different than what we see here (in America) among the mainstream culture. Muslims indulge in all of these acts, but the only difference is all is done in secrecy, in a hush-hush secret alternative reality where it's better to sweep your shame under the carpet than dreadfully advertise your sins.
One doesn't need to travel to the Middle East to witness the phenomenon. Take a short trip to the beautiful city of Toronto and its neighboring suburbs where a Muslim majority is present in the high school scene. You will find the percentages of Muslim individuals involved in dating, sex, drinking, drugs, etc is high, which is no different than a school with a Judeo-Christian majority.
If you've ever visited fatwa sites like Islam QA or Islamonline cyber counseling/fatwa section you will learn that our Muslim youth aren't living a sin-free life. I remember a young man once wrote the site asking for advice about his 'problem.' You see this young man, an aspiring Sheikh, was attracted to men and he didn't know how to keep his faith and battle his desires. Another girl wrote asking what to do with a man she loves and is on the verge of committing adultery with because her practicing beautiful Muslim family won't allow her to marry him.
Young men and women write daily to these outlets asking for a solution.They grew up hearing that it's haraam to do this and that, yet an alternative was never presented. And when their sins are revealed they are shunned from the community, especially if female.
I know a number of pious and well regarded youth in my community who live double lives. A simple facebook or myspace check will tell you all. It's very sad that everyone around them, including their young fellow Muslim friends, are aware of this double life but the parents are in the dark. I don't pity the parents because they CHOOSE not to understand their children. Parents assume their child would never be like so and so's bad child. But I got news for them, THEY DO and sometimes they are worse!
Some religious scholars will advise youth to fast or play sports. But in the day and age we live in , is that really enough? Has it been effective thus far? I don't think so.
I think it's time for the Muslim Ummah collectively to stop turning a blind eye and face REALITY. Obviously their previous 'plan' hasn't worked. Our Ummah collectively aren't becoming more Godly but they are turning away from their religion all together. The way we deal with our children needs to change NOW.
First action item on the list: Change parental attitudes and priorities.
Stay tune for Part 2.
November 28, 2009
November 19, 2009
For Me? When Men Open Doors
I was in a hurry to catch the subway home after a long day at work. I was dragging my feet to the platform with no desire to run. "I will just wait for the next one"I decided.
From afar I see a tall, dark, handsome Arab looking man holding the door wide open. I keep my pace to avoid embarrassment. What if the gesture isn't meant for me?
But it was.
As I approached the doors to the subway platform he looked at me with a smile, "Bess la2inik 3arabyah baftahlik hay il baab!" (Only because you're Arab I open the door for you)
Me: "Oh, Shukran. Merci!"
{Which sounded Arabish, shocking and surprising all at the same time}
{Have I mentioned that I stink at faking emotion?}
{I totally knew the door was meant for me.}
I guess this proves that Arab men have a good side, too!
*Dedicated to my critics who believe I have nothing good to say about Arab men :-)
From afar I see a tall, dark, handsome Arab looking man holding the door wide open. I keep my pace to avoid embarrassment. What if the gesture isn't meant for me?
But it was.
As I approached the doors to the subway platform he looked at me with a smile, "Bess la2inik 3arabyah baftahlik hay il baab!" (Only because you're Arab I open the door for you)
Me: "Oh, Shukran. Merci!"
{Which sounded Arabish, shocking and surprising all at the same time}
{Have I mentioned that I stink at faking emotion?}
{I totally knew the door was meant for me.}
I guess this proves that Arab men have a good side, too!
*Dedicated to my critics who believe I have nothing good to say about Arab men :-)
November 14, 2009
A Moment of Peace
A friend and I left campus to pick up dinner in the midst of Friday night madness. The highway was packed and to make matters worse, one of the lanes was blocked by a stalled vehicle. Cars angrily maneuvered around. Couldn't the man's car find a better place to break down? Perhaps on a better night?
We sympathized with the man and decided to help if we could. I rolled down my window and asked, "Do you need help, sir?" He looked surprised for a moment and responded, "I am out of gas. I need gas. My friend is coming to help me from a nearby state. I've been stuck here for 30 minutes and no one has stopped."
"We have gas!" I happily declared. The man was ecstatic. "You do? You have gas? God bless you. God bless!"
Before we parted ways the man insisted to pay us for our trouble. We thanked him and gracefully declined his generosity. "God bless you!" he shouted.
As we watched him drive off, I looked at my friend who looked equally satisfied with our efforts: 'At least one American in America doesn't think *ALL* Muslims are terrorists.'
Alhumdulilah
We sympathized with the man and decided to help if we could. I rolled down my window and asked, "Do you need help, sir?" He looked surprised for a moment and responded, "I am out of gas. I need gas. My friend is coming to help me from a nearby state. I've been stuck here for 30 minutes and no one has stopped."
"We have gas!" I happily declared. The man was ecstatic. "You do? You have gas? God bless you. God bless!"
Before we parted ways the man insisted to pay us for our trouble. We thanked him and gracefully declined his generosity. "God bless you!" he shouted.
As we watched him drive off, I looked at my friend who looked equally satisfied with our efforts: 'At least one American in America doesn't think *ALL* Muslims are terrorists.'
Alhumdulilah
November 4, 2009
My Suggestions to all Mosques
Hire a person to answer phone calls from 9-5.
Pay Imams hourly so they can stay put in their offices and answer important calls and visits from the community.
24 hour return calls/messages policy.
Hire Imams with good English skills who can communicate and are aware of our needs as Muslim Americans.
Clean bathrooms hourly with a schedule kept behind the door.
It won't hurt to visit a Church or Synagogue every once and a while to learn a few tips.
Keep the kids contained. Enuff said!
That's all.
Pay Imams hourly so they can stay put in their offices and answer important calls and visits from the community.
24 hour return calls/messages policy.
Hire Imams with good English skills who can communicate and are aware of our needs as Muslim Americans.
Clean bathrooms hourly with a schedule kept behind the door.
It won't hurt to visit a Church or Synagogue every once and a while to learn a few tips.
Keep the kids contained. Enuff said!
That's all.
October 26, 2009
Boys Allowed Hookah While Girls Do Dishes
"It's not fair" I shouted on a bustling Brooklyn street.
My response was produced after a small discussion with 6 brilliant young Egyptian American girls about gender roles and equality. One of the girls, let's call her Hanna, mentioned that her extremely religious parents allowed her brother to visit a famous Hookah cafe with friends. Their rationale was simple: exposure to such instances will make him a better man, ill-deprived of experiences of the outside, unsheltered world.
(of course the parents assume the best of their son where he will stay smoke-free and never get hooked on hookahs, busy Arab cafes or girls)
(the rest of the world knows better of course)
Another friend, Mona, asked Hanna annoyingly, "Will your parents give you the same opportunity?"
Answer: in the negative with an added 'never' sprinkled all over.
My response was produced after a small discussion with 6 brilliant young Egyptian American girls about gender roles and equality. One of the girls, let's call her Hanna, mentioned that her extremely religious parents allowed her brother to visit a famous Hookah cafe with friends. Their rationale was simple: exposure to such instances will make him a better man, ill-deprived of experiences of the outside, unsheltered world.
(of course the parents assume the best of their son where he will stay smoke-free and never get hooked on hookahs, busy Arab cafes or girls)
(the rest of the world knows better of course)
Another friend, Mona, asked Hanna annoyingly, "Will your parents give you the same opportunity?"
Answer: in the negative with an added 'never' sprinkled all over.
October 17, 2009
The Arab Man Dictatorship
I worked for a weekend school program for over 3 years. I enjoyed learning new teaching skills, learning Quran with my students and delving into topics traditionally not discussed in this setting.
The administration of the school is composed of ONE person. He is an Arab man with absolute authority. A big chunk of the staff are his family members, too. So when it is time to vote on anything, he had an advantage! Of course, like all good Arab men, he flaunted his title which was "doctor."
I was appalled by the treatment of this man towards his staff which were mostly women. He would conduct regular morning meetings where he spoke most of the time. He rarely listened to anyone's opinion and even if his own wife suggested something, he would talk over her and continue defending his statements. He is known to get into verbal fighting matches with almost anyone. My own friend worked as a secretary for him, for the sake of her child, and she couldn't tolerate his treatment, so she quit and never brought her child back!
As a person who is professionally trained to be a teacher, I was uncomfortable with the set up of the school. I would voice my opinions regularly and almost always get ignored. I had two things going wrong for me: 1) I was a woman, 2) I was young.
In Arab culture, generally, the opinions of younger people in the community don't count or aren't taken seriously. You would need a good number of degrees after your name before they give you a listening ear. I was no exception. This was evident when the principal asked--every meeting--in front of everyone, if I understood Arabic. He knew me for 3 years, yet he never took a minute to realize who I am and what I've been doing for the 3 years of my service.
I am very angry because the kids deserve better. They pay $450 per child yet what do they get in exchange? Arab teachers and a dictator principal who have no idea what it means to be a young American Muslim child facing the challenges of living in America, as a Muslim! Personal friends alumni of the Weekend school program have confided that their deep rooted hate for Islam and Muslims can be blamed on the school that doesn't realistically prepare them for the outside world.
-There is no formal registration day, thus the first day was chaotic and a waste of time because no one knew which kid belonged where.
-They have no database with students' records.
-No emergency protocol/contact sheets for students.
-They serve meat bought from Costco and sold it as "Halal" which isn't for most people who follow a strict Halal diet.
-There are no hall monitors
-Kids are allowed to roam freely on the premises with no recess monitor (not safe)
-There is no curricula . No one has ever informed the principal that books don't mean an immediate curricula.
-The principal nor any of the teachers know what the other is teaching, thus it is a free for all as long as the rich Arab families are happy!
-Kids of all ages are dumped in the same class. At one point I had a five year old sitting next to a fourteen year old. According to state law where I live, that's illegal!
-Any creativity away from his guidance is shunned. The majority of the teachers are middle age Arab women who are used to taking orders from their husbands, thus the principal was just another male figure doing the same.
-Refusing to comply with his orders earned you a good screaming on the phone if you ever dared to argue with his points.
-Teachers have no contracts, thus he could play around with hours as he pleased, tell us what to do and what days we had and didn't have off!
-Nothing creative is encouraged.
-Some of his family members hired are not qualified for the position, yet they still get to work there, freely.
-The Youth? Slowly but definitely are disappearing.
-The Youth aren't heard. The youth aren't allowed to talk about *real* issues like sex, drugs, dating, academic choice and spirituality.
After many years of struggling with leaving my students behind and the school, I've decided to leave! It's been a tough experience. The children and MOST parents are nice people. I believe that if this dictator is removed, a real school could be established; ALAS, like the Arab leaders in the Middle East, this guy will never budge and probably will have his son replace him when it's time for him to pass to the other side.
I am disgusted, saddened and hurt. My pride prevents me from writing much of the insults I've endured from this man, but I am proud that I refused to be another blind sheep among the herd.
The administration of the school is composed of ONE person. He is an Arab man with absolute authority. A big chunk of the staff are his family members, too. So when it is time to vote on anything, he had an advantage! Of course, like all good Arab men, he flaunted his title which was "doctor."
I was appalled by the treatment of this man towards his staff which were mostly women. He would conduct regular morning meetings where he spoke most of the time. He rarely listened to anyone's opinion and even if his own wife suggested something, he would talk over her and continue defending his statements. He is known to get into verbal fighting matches with almost anyone. My own friend worked as a secretary for him, for the sake of her child, and she couldn't tolerate his treatment, so she quit and never brought her child back!
As a person who is professionally trained to be a teacher, I was uncomfortable with the set up of the school. I would voice my opinions regularly and almost always get ignored. I had two things going wrong for me: 1) I was a woman, 2) I was young.
In Arab culture, generally, the opinions of younger people in the community don't count or aren't taken seriously. You would need a good number of degrees after your name before they give you a listening ear. I was no exception. This was evident when the principal asked--every meeting--in front of everyone, if I understood Arabic. He knew me for 3 years, yet he never took a minute to realize who I am and what I've been doing for the 3 years of my service.
I am very angry because the kids deserve better. They pay $450 per child yet what do they get in exchange? Arab teachers and a dictator principal who have no idea what it means to be a young American Muslim child facing the challenges of living in America, as a Muslim! Personal friends alumni of the Weekend school program have confided that their deep rooted hate for Islam and Muslims can be blamed on the school that doesn't realistically prepare them for the outside world.
-There is no formal registration day, thus the first day was chaotic and a waste of time because no one knew which kid belonged where.
-They have no database with students' records.
-No emergency protocol/contact sheets for students.
-They serve meat bought from Costco and sold it as "Halal" which isn't for most people who follow a strict Halal diet.
-There are no hall monitors
-Kids are allowed to roam freely on the premises with no recess monitor (not safe)
-There is no curricula . No one has ever informed the principal that books don't mean an immediate curricula.
-The principal nor any of the teachers know what the other is teaching, thus it is a free for all as long as the rich Arab families are happy!
-Kids of all ages are dumped in the same class. At one point I had a five year old sitting next to a fourteen year old. According to state law where I live, that's illegal!
-Any creativity away from his guidance is shunned. The majority of the teachers are middle age Arab women who are used to taking orders from their husbands, thus the principal was just another male figure doing the same.
-Refusing to comply with his orders earned you a good screaming on the phone if you ever dared to argue with his points.
-Teachers have no contracts, thus he could play around with hours as he pleased, tell us what to do and what days we had and didn't have off!
-Nothing creative is encouraged.
-Some of his family members hired are not qualified for the position, yet they still get to work there, freely.
-The Youth? Slowly but definitely are disappearing.
-The Youth aren't heard. The youth aren't allowed to talk about *real* issues like sex, drugs, dating, academic choice and spirituality.
After many years of struggling with leaving my students behind and the school, I've decided to leave! It's been a tough experience. The children and MOST parents are nice people. I believe that if this dictator is removed, a real school could be established; ALAS, like the Arab leaders in the Middle East, this guy will never budge and probably will have his son replace him when it's time for him to pass to the other side.
I am disgusted, saddened and hurt. My pride prevents me from writing much of the insults I've endured from this man, but I am proud that I refused to be another blind sheep among the herd.
October 15, 2009
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