These are the stories of victims of sexual abuse in the Muslim community. By no means does this mean abuse is a greater problem in the Muslim community compared to the community at large; however, as Muslims it's time we stopped denying that sexual abuse occurs, and that it NEEDS to be addressed openly in the context of Islam and Muslims. The purpose of this project is as follows:
- Create a safe space where individuals (victims) or potential victims may share their experiences and frustrations
- Create awareness among parents, educators and children
- Create dialogue specific to muslim culture and thought pertaining to sexual abuse in the community
- Highlight the crucial need for Muslim leadership and Islamic jurists/scholars/Imams/Sheikhs to take an active role to denounce sexual abuse within an Islamic context in the form of books, lectures, seminars, etc.
- Eradicate the stigma behind being sexually abused
- Moving the blame on the abuser rather than the victim
- Demonstrating that sexual predators are sick individuals in dire need for mental health treatment.
- Coming up with potential solutions/models to treat and prevent sexual abuse in the Muslim community
Please take a minute to read below what the victims of sexual abuse in the Muslim community had to share.
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Age: 24 Gender: Male Location: North Africa
What age did this occur? 9 or 10 years old.
Description of abuse? I'll pass.
Abuser? An older teammate in my soccer academy
How long did it occur? Twice a week for three months.
How did it end? My family moved to a different area and I no longer went to that soccer arena. I didn't inform anyone.
Any legal ramifications? Nope
How does the abuse affect you presently? I don't know if it's the reason but my flirting confidence is zero. Even though I don't feel attracted to men, that memory/experience keep urging me towards bi-curiosity. I always feel like I can only be the bottom (submissive) in any future relationships.
How has it affected your intimate relationships? I broke up with my fiancee because I couldn't tell her about it. Also, when we were getting closer to the wedding I had some doubts about my sexual orientation.
What form of treatment did you follow after the abuse? None
Talk to your children about sexual abuse as early as possible. Try to have this trustworthy close friend who you can vent to because holding in is the worst thing you can do to yourself.
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Age: 19 Gender: Female Location: U.K.
What age did this occur? 16 years old.
Description of abuse? He pinned me down and threatened to kill me if I screamed - and he raped me.
Abuser? A former partner
How long did it occur? Once
How did it end? Who did you inform? My friend.
Any legal ramifications? Nope
How does the abuse affect you presently? I have periods of nightmares and flashbacks.
How has it affected your intimate relationships? Yes, I used to have flashbacks while being intimate with my current partner in the early stages of our relationship but my partner doesn't know what happened so I just get on with it.
What form of treatment did you follow after the abuse? I have been taking antidepressents for the last 3 years.
Sexual abuse happens, we need to let our community know it's okay to speak up and not suffer in silence. We need to offer victims support and understand without judgments.
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Age: 36 Gender: Male Location: North America
What age did this occur? 3rd grade
Description of abuse? A man fondled me and made me fondle him back.
Abuser? Quran teacher/Muathin
How long did it occur? On and off for a few months
How did it end? Who did you inform? My family stopped attending that mosque. We went later to the mosque by chance and the same man asked to "give me something" and then he took me in a private room and asked me to fondle him. Later that evening I informed my father of what happened and he just said: "You won't see him again."
Any legal ramifications? Nope
How does the abuse affect you presently? It doesn't as far as I can tell.
How has it affected your intimate relationships? Nope.
What form of treatment did you follow after the abuse? None
People/teachers should not be left unsupervised with children in private settings.
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Age: 24 Gender: Female Location: Australia
What age did this occur? 4 to the age of 7.
Description of abuse? It was mostly a lot of touching in private parts and being made to touch private parts. Being asked to take my clothes off and being fingered.
Abuser? 3 different people, all of them were relatives, older cousins. One of them male and 2 of them female.
How long did it occur? A couple of years, but as far as I know none of them were aware that the others were also doing that to me. Although I was really young, so maybe they did, but I don't think so.
How did it end? Who did you inform? I don't know how it ended, I just know that it did. I think as I got older, I stopped being alone with them. I once confronted one of the female cousins. I wrote her a letter in green pencil, I don't know why the colour of the pencil is so important but I do remember that. Anyway, I wrote her a letter telling her I'd tell someone about the "sex." I guess I knew what she was doing but I felt really ashamed to have been a part of it and never told anybody until I was 23 and then I went and saw a psychologist about it.
Any legal ramifications? Nope
How does the abuse affect you presently? I've learned to deal with it. But for a long time it was a source of shame. And I felt like I was never pure. Since in Islam we are so obsessed with virginal, I've always felt I would never achieve a very high religious status. I mean technically I lost my virginity before I even went to school. It also took me a long time to realize my heightened sexuality as a teenager was probably related to sex. I've learnt to accept this part of my sexual history; however, I'm no longer ashamed. I didn't ask for this to happen to me nor did I consent. I do try very hard to always be in control in any type of situation because it's important I am in control of my body.
How has it affected your intimate relationships? I would say it had but it wasn't the abuse on its own. It was also the cultural and religious stigma attached to the abuse. I always felt like such a slut, and being introduced to sex at such a young age means you're slightly more promiscuous as an adult. It always made me feel easy and cheap. My sexual desires were associated with shame. I can't have sex with anybody I'm not involved in a relationship with because I feel like that's an invasion of my privacy. And even people I'm committed to, there are times when I don't feel comfortable being intimate.
What form of treatment did you follow after the abuse? I went to see a therapist.
It's not your fault and you are NOT dirty because it happened to you. Have the courage to come forward and tell somebody because it really helps. And don't carry the burden of forgiveness on your own. In time, you might forgive the person/people who did this to you, but that's not your primary concern, your primary concern should be you and your coping.
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Age: 28 Gender: Female Location: North America
What age did this occur? 10-11 years old
Description of abuse? It was in the form of molestation - groping and rubbing of my chest inside my clothing and legs along with comments. I remember he said: "there's nothing here, huh?" when he put his hand down my shirt.
Abuser? The Quran teacher who taught my brother and I at our home
How long did it occur? A few months
How did it end? Who did you inform? My grandmother took over teaching us Quran when she moved in with us, so we didn't need the teacher any longer. I did not inform anyone. I was afraid of him, as he was the type who would bring a stick with him when teaching and hit you on the back of the hand when you made mistakes. He taunted me for wearing t-shirts and told other students (who were family friends of course) about my "inappropriateness." I think telling on him would get him in trouble. Once or twice I pretended to be sick when he came over for lessons and hid upstairs. He told my mom that he thought I was just being lazy and not willing to read Quran. I got in trouble from my mom for this.
Any legal ramifications? Nope
How does the abuse affect you presently? I am very guarded with new people and take a long time to open up to people or be intimate. Because of what happened and unlike some people I've encountered in the Muslim community, I don't believe that because you are deemed to be a more pious person that you are incapable of terrible things. I am overprotective of my siblings as a result.
How has it affected your intimate relationships? Not a great deal, but I caught myself thinking about the abuse when I met my current partner and found myself unwilling to open up to him or be intimate, thinking: "he could have another side." It took me some time to trust him completely.
What form of treatment did you follow after the abuse? I didn't follow any formal type of treatment. I didn't tell anyone so it stayed buried inside of me. Although I started writing in journals as a teenager and found that to be therapeutic.
It happens. Whether Imam, a teacher, a parent or relative, underneath those titles they are all people capable of dark things. That does not mean that you ought to be suspicious of everyone, but that you should talk to your children . Explain what sexual abuse is and its different forms. Tell them that no matter who the person is, if they are doing something that seems wrong, they should tell you and that it is never their fault. That they will always be supported and believed. By ignoring abuse you allow more victims to suffer.
It happens. Whether Imam, a teacher, a parent or relative, underneath those titles they are all people capable of dark things. That does not mean that you ought to be suspicious of everyone, but that you should talk to your children . Explain what sexual abuse is and its different forms. Tell them that no matter who the person is, if they are doing something that seems wrong, they should tell you and that it is never their fault. That they will always be supported and believed. By ignoring abuse you allow more victims to suffer.
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Age: 22 Gender: Female Location: North America
What age did this occur? 13
Description of abuse? Touched in all private areas and forced to engage in acts that simulated sexual activity.
Abuser? Uncle
How long did it occur? Once
How did it end? Who did you inform? It never happened again. I informed a cousin of mine who was 2 years older than me - and to my horror - she had been through the same thing with this particular relative.
Any legal ramifications? Nope
How does the abuse affect you presently? Since that time it has made me very untrusting of men in general. I get really nervous being in confined spaces with a male since I won't have control over the situation.
How has it affected your intimate relationships? I am not in one because I am in fear that something like that would happen again.
What form of treatment did you follow after the abuse? None
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Age: 17 Gender: Female Location: North America
What age did this occur? 6
Description of abuse? I was sitting on the couch watching TV and he sat next to me. He started touching my back, stroking my hair, and hugging me. He suddenly wrapped his hands around me and started to rub down there. I started to squirm and told him to stop and that I didn't like it. He ignored me and tried to come on top of me, but I threw myself off the couch while he was moving on top of me. I then ran out of the house and ran to my aunt's across the street.
Abuser? Uncle
How long did it occur? 8 months
How did it end? Who did you inform? When the last incident occurred, I let my mom and aunt know what happened. I found out later on that uncle's brothers took him to a nearby forest and gave him a good beating. My other aunties comforted me and assured me that I wouldn't be seeing him for a while.
Any legal ramifications? Nope, my family handled it.
How does the abuse affect you presently? I feel disgusted and distrustful toward men, especially older men who visit my family's home.
How has it affected your intimate relationships? Never had one.
What form of treatment did you follow after the abuse? None
I wanted to share this because I know many stories will talk about how their family shoved the issue aside due to their culture. I wanted to show at least one example of a Muslim family that DID do something about the abuse. Although the Somali culture is just as shy about it and don't wish to dishonor their family and tribe, my family did stand up and deal with the abuser!
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Age: 30s Gender: Female Location: India
What age did this occur? 8-9 years old
Description of abuse? One day when giving me a math lesson, he started touching my inner thighs and then slowly my panties. I got shocked and tried to run, but he grabbed a hold of me and threatened to beat me. He used to beat my older brother. I pretended that I died and I could not feel anything. The innocent bubbly girl that I was died that day. That night, I went to bath and washed my body many times. I became shy. I started being careful about being alone with him. Then he became bolder and would ask me to touch his penis and help him masturbate. It was very hard to escape because he threatened to kill the whole family. I would gag when I masturbated him.
Abuser? Uncle
How long did it occur? N/A
How did it end? Who did you inform? We moved to a bigger house and it was easier for me to hide from him.
Any legal ramifications? Nope.
How does the abuse affect you presently? I only made 5 close friends in my life and felt very insecure and isolated.
How has it affected your intimate relationships? When I got married, the very thought of having sex terrified me. Since my husband was a doctor like me, I gathered the courage to tell him that I've been abused. Even now I will never touch my husband's private parts. He gets angry but whenever I try, I gag.
What form of treatment did you follow after the abuse? None
Now I have an 8 year old and I always tell her to let me know if anyone touches her inappropriately. I am always on alert if any young girl or boy suddenly withdraws. I hope my experiences will help prevent abuse at least in the next generation of children.
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A special thanks to all the brave individuals who shared their stories non reluctantly. My deepest respects.
Good model in the UK by Alyas Karmani here.
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Age: 32 Gender: Female Location: North America
What age did this occur? 5-11 years old
Description of abuse? Caressing, fondling, kissing, touching, groping and masturbation.
Abuser? Father and other male relatives (I also witnessed the abuse done to my siblings, cousins, neighbors' kids, friends' kids, etc.). I also experienced sexual harassment in public places and in public transportation in the Middle East.
How long did it occur? 6 years
How did it end? Who did you inform? I got better at protecting myself and siblings: locking myself up in the room or bathroom for extended periods of time, avoiding hm, etc. I never told anyone! I think everyone knew it was happening but no one dared speak up or do anything about it. My father was also a wife beater, so I worried he'll kill my mother.
Any legal ramifications? No, I wish.
How does the abuse affect you presently? I have several issues as a result of the abuse: distrusting men, paranoia, introversion, feelings of shame and guilt. I'm also suffering from depression, anxiety, OCD and other unexplained health problems.
How has it affected your intimate relationships? A great deal. I have an understanding and patient husband, but he has to put up with my behavioral, mental and sexual issues. It is an on-going struggle to maintain our relationship. It has also affected my parenting: I worry too much about my children, especially the girls. I don't let them out of my sight and never stop worrying even with family.
What form of treatment did you follow after the abuse? Therapy, antidepressants, medications and workshops.
It's time to address the issue of sexual abuse, especially that it happens behind closed doors and is forever silenced. It doesn't help that so many Muslims deny that this problem exists, let alone the lack of methods, resources, etc. to address this issue and prevent it. Even when it's touched upon, it's addressed shyly. I have yet to hear or read anything addressing incest in the Muslim community. Even religious people may be abusers. Mental disorders can affect anyone regardless to the level of their religiosity - and if left untreated - they affect everyone surrounding that person. Sexual abuse ruins generations of people, as a result societies, not just individuals.
It's time to address the issue of sexual abuse, especially that it happens behind closed doors and is forever silenced. It doesn't help that so many Muslims deny that this problem exists, let alone the lack of methods, resources, etc. to address this issue and prevent it. Even when it's touched upon, it's addressed shyly. I have yet to hear or read anything addressing incest in the Muslim community. Even religious people may be abusers. Mental disorders can affect anyone regardless to the level of their religiosity - and if left untreated - they affect everyone surrounding that person. Sexual abuse ruins generations of people, as a result societies, not just individuals.
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A special thanks to all the brave individuals who shared their stories non reluctantly. My deepest respects.
Good model in the UK by Alyas Karmani here.
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