Years ago, I worked at a local Islamic center. My primary job was to answer phone calls, schedule appointments for the Imam and set up pre-marital counseling sessions. As you can imagine, my time at the Islamic center had exposed me to numerous instances of dissolved marriages, new marriages, long-term marriage conflicts and of course the big 'P' (polygamy).
At the time, I was no more than 18 and my views on Islam were extremely rigid. I would probably characterize my 18 year old self as my polar opposite today. One of the things I regret about my time at the Islamic center are how I handled some of the callers to our center.
One particular call haunts me to this very day. A gentleman called about marrying his fiance' and wanted to learn about the arrangements necessary for a marriage ceremony. He had hinted that he was not Muslim, but had great respect for his Muslim fiance' and would respect her faith. However, he did indicate that he had no intentions, at least presently, to convert himself.
My first reaction to this poor man (who was clearly madly in love) to shatter those dreams and tell him that his request was against Islamic teachings. He was not allowed to marry his fiance' and it will not be recognized by the Islamic faith. The man pleaded and I was just as rigid and firm as the beginning. I told him we couldn't help him (not my proudest moment, I admit).
I consulted with the Imam and he had assured that my response was accurate. There was nothing we could do for this couple. Our hands were tied by Islamic teachings.
I have no idea what happened to this couple, but I assume they went ahead with the marriage (civil ceremony) or perhaps had the fiancee' pretend to convert to Islam, so it would be officiated at a Mosque (this happens more often than the community would like to admit) and things return to normal post the wedding ceremony.
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Through my studies and readings, I've come across the double standard (that is perceived as Islam): men are allowed to marry practicing monotheistic women (People of the Book); whereas women are excluded from this ruling. The rational is children take on the religion of the father, and assuming that the father is the head of the household, he'll have the last say on how the religion will be practiced as a family.
Personally, I accepted this point of view for a long time. However, I started questioning these rulings when I encountered interfaith marriages. I found men married to non-Muslim women were not LIKELY to produce Muslim kids, on the contrary, the kids adapted the mother's religion--which absolutely makes sense, given in most families children are mostly exposed to the mother and the mother's family. So ideally, you would want it to the be the other way around if you would choose the interfaith path.
I have little interest to begin a debate on whether Muslim women are allowed to marry non-Muslim men. You can come up with your own conclusions based on your readings. But from what I concluded, there is nothing in the Quran that explicitly prohibits women from marrying other monotheistic men.
Although there are particular verses (interpreted to be directed to men exclusively), that clearly prohibit men from marrying polytheistic women. They are--however--permitted marriage to the People of the Book (monotheistic women such as Christian and Jews) with a high emphasis on believing women (Muslim) as a top choice.
Some modern day scholars have concluded since there is no clear prohibition for Muslim women in the Quran to marry other monotheistic men (practicing Christians and Jews), they should be allowed the right to do so. In addition, the fact that God didn't state permission doesn't allude to prohibition either.
Mainstream scholars derived the prohibition because women were not addressed in aforementioned verses, thus the Quranic ruling was an exclusive right to Muslim men alone.
(I realize this is very confusing)
Whatever you believe, we should consider first and foremost what are the consequences of interreligious marriages.
1) What religion will the family practice?
2) Sure Islam and other Abrahamic religions share similar values, but there are some definitive differences that will need to be addressed at some point, especially when raising children.
3) In event of separation (termination of the marriage contract, along with the agreements that came with the marriage), what religion will the children be practicing?
4) If a non-Muslim parent receives full custody of the children, what guarantees they will raise their child Muslim?
5) If a person decides to enter an interfaith marriage, have they discussed how they plan to raise the children? Will they keep the same views after having the actual children?
6) What is happening in reality? Are the children remaining Muslim?
7) Is it a problem if children as a result of these marriage are not Muslim and choose the non-Muslim parent's religion?
8) Should the children be exposed to the non-Muslim parent's religion? Would that parent want to share their belief with their child?
9) Should children choose?
Food for thought and I would like to hear your thoughts.
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