Muslim Dating: The Reality of Our Ummah

When people ask "do Muslims date?" A big chunk of Muslims will quickly respond with a "Hell No!" Because remember that Hadeeth about Shaytaan being the third? Ya, so of course Muslims don't date, commit adultery or drink alcohol or have gay sex or break any other Quranic tenet. Muslims are perfect angels with no faults.

But if you've lived among a large Muslim population, befriended Muslims or visited a Muslim majority country, you will learn that things are not very different than what we see here (in America) among the mainstream culture. Muslims indulge in all of these acts, but the only difference is all is done in secrecy, in a hush-hush secret alternative reality where it's better to sweep your shame under the carpet than dreadfully advertise your sins.

One doesn't need to travel to the Middle East to witness the phenomenon. Take a short trip to the beautiful city of Toronto and its neighboring suburbs where a Muslim majority is present in the high school scene. You will find the percentages of Muslim individuals involved in dating, sex, drinking, drugs, etc is high, which is no different than a school with a Judeo-Christian majority.

If you've ever visited fatwa sites like Islam QA or Islamonline cyber counseling/fatwa section you will learn that our Muslim youth aren't living a sin-free life. I remember a young man once wrote the site asking for advice about his 'problem.' You see this young man, an aspiring Sheikh, was attracted to men and he didn't know how to keep his faith and battle his desires. Another girl wrote asking what to do with a man she loves and is on the verge of committing adultery with because her practicing beautiful Muslim family won't allow her to marry him.

Young men and women write daily to these outlets asking for a solution.They grew up hearing that it's haraam to do this and that, yet an alternative was never presented. And when their sins are revealed they are shunned from the community, especially if female.

I know a number of pious and well regarded youth in my community who live double lives. A simple facebook or myspace check will tell you all. It's very sad that everyone around them, including their young fellow Muslim friends, are aware of this double life but the parents are in the dark. I don't pity the parents because they CHOOSE not to understand their children. Parents assume their child would never be like so and so's bad child. But I got news for them, THEY DO and sometimes they are worse!

Some religious scholars will advise youth to fast or play sports. But in the day and age we live in , is that really enough? Has it been effective thus far? I don't think so.

I think it's time for the Muslim Ummah collectively to stop turning a blind eye and face REALITY. Obviously their previous 'plan' hasn't worked. Our Ummah collectively aren't becoming more Godly but they are turning away from their religion all together. The way we deal with our children needs to change NOW.

First action item on the list: Change parental attitudes and priorities.

Part Two here

For Me? When Men Open Doors

I was in a hurry to catch the subway home after a long day at work. I was dragging my feet to the platform with no desire to run. "I will just wait for the next one"I decided.

From afar I see a tall, dark, handsome Arab looking man holding the door wide open. I keep my pace to avoid embarrassment. What if the gesture isn't meant for me?

But it was.

As I approached the doors to the subway platform he looked at me with a smile, "Bess la2inik 3arabyah baftahlik hay il baab!" (Only because you're Arab I open the door for you)

Me: "Oh, Shukran. Merci!"

{Which sounded Arabish, shocking and surprising all at the same time}

{Have I mentioned that I stink at faking emotion?}

{I totally knew the door was meant for me.}

I guess this proves that Arab men have a good side, too!

*Dedicated to my critics who believe I have nothing good to say about Arab men :-)

A Moment of Peace

A friend and I left campus to pick up dinner in the midst of Friday night madness. The highway was packed and to make matters worse, one of the lanes was blocked by a stalled vehicle. Cars angrily maneuvered around. Couldn't the man's car find a better place to break down? Perhaps on a better night?

We sympathized with the man and decided to help if we could. I rolled down my window and asked, "Do you need help, sir?" He looked surprised for a moment and responded, "I am out of gas. I need gas. My friend is coming to help me from a nearby state. I've been stuck here for 30 minutes and no one has stopped."

"We have gas!" I happily declared. The man was ecstatic. "You do? You have gas? God bless you. God bless!"

Before we parted ways the man insisted to pay us for our trouble. We thanked him and gracefully declined his generosity. "God bless you!" he shouted.

As we watched him drive off, I looked at my friend who looked equally satisfied with our efforts: 'At least one American in America doesn't think *ALL* Muslims are terrorists.'

Alhumdulilah

My Suggestions to all Mosques

Hire a person to answer phone calls from 9-5.

Pay Imams hourly so they can stay put in their offices and answer important calls and visits from the community.

24 hour return calls/messages policy.

Hire Imams with good English skills who can communicate and are aware of our needs as Muslim Americans.

Clean bathrooms hourly with a schedule kept behind the door.

It won't hurt to visit a Church or Synagogue every once and a while to learn a few tips.

Keep the kids contained. Enuff said!

That's all.