Organica: September 2009

Interview #1

Name: Mohsin Age: 24 Location: London/England Gender: Male

Sexual orientation: Gay Faith: Muslim

When was the first time you realized you weren't heterosexual?

I was in year 6 or year 7 and I couldn’t have been more than 11-12 years old. I had this friend called Umran. Like me, he too had shifted to Lahore, Pakistan from London the previous year and we had a lot in common. We used to hang out after school and spend our summer holidays together. Puberty hit and he developed this insane crush on this girl who I instantly took an intense dislike to. It wasn’t just him, but all the boys around him as well. A few weeks later Umran & the girl started ‘going out’ and I was more than insanely jealous. I remember being devastated, crying at times. Whenever a group of boys would get together, the topic of discussion would ultimately turn to girls, rating them on a 1-10 scale, although I took part, I never really had any interest whatsoever. And that was my first inkling.

Who did you inform?

No one. Even though I had no idea whatsoever what gay meant, I definitely knew I wasn’t supposed to be liking other guys, the way they liked girls. That, quite frankly scared the heck out of me.

Have you 'come out' to your community/friends/family?

I've only very recently started coming out. I've told my closest friends, two of my sisters, and one of my nephews. Not out to the community at large.

If you have, what was the reaction of the community/friends/family?

My nephew had the best response I could ever hope for: “You’re still my uncle, and I still love you”. I nearly started crying. Sister 1: “Eww, I don’t want to talk about it." I think she’s okay with it, as long as she knows nothing more. Sister 2 was the disappointment. She used to tell me everything about her life, how things were with her husband, the problems she was having, real heart to heart talks.

She often remarked that I never shared anything with her, and she was right, I wasn’t out to her, so I couldn’t tell half the stuff that I wanted to without coming out to her. She accepts me, but doesn’t want me to tell anyone else (rest of the family, mother, etc). Not telling the rest of my family forces me to lead a double life, which makes me miserable, which is why I want to come out to the rest of the family.

How have Muslims reacted when you revealed your sexual orientation? Provide examples.

It’s not come up in conversation to be honest, and I don’t go about telling everyone I meet, and when it does come up, I bite my tongue, take deep breaths, and walk away.

Have you connected with other Muslims from the LGBTIQ community? If so, how do you connect?

I went to meetup group once for LGBT Muslims, when one of the guest speakers they had was Imam Daayiee, a self-styled gay Imam and Scholar. He was quite the inspiring man, and I honestly liked him – having found him really well read and all round nice person. The others in the group however were a bit cliquey as they all knew each other and weren’t inclusive at all of me. Let’s just say I didn’t fit in, different values, opinions, insights and they were a lot more conservative than me. Whilst I was beginning to feel more comfortable with my sexuality, they seemed to be struggling. And I didn’t need that, especially since I had just reconciled myself.

Who are they (general descriptions of who they are in the context of the Muslim community)?

They come from all walks of life: train drivers, students, charity workers, sales persons, charity workers. There were a few married guys as well.

Have you dated other Muslims from the LGBTIQ?Nope.

Do you foresee your relationships evolving from casual to a more sacred bond like marriage. Share your thoughts/dreams/hopes.

I would eventually like to meet someone that I could spend the rest of my life with, but I feel as I'd be asking too much, frankly. I know I’d have to choose either family or love - and I don’t know how I'm going to do it. The problem has caused me endless anxiety – When I do come out to them, will they still want to know me? Will they throw me out? Cut me off? I'm extremely close to my entire family.

How do you reconcile your faith and your sexual orientation?

I'm working on that bit. I’ve been very angry for a very long time at Islam, Muslims and God for making me feel how I feel - why couldn’t he just have made me 'normal?' I actually used to pray to be straight in my late teens, and when that failed, I lost faith. But recently I've started to come round because you know what? He's my God too. Not just the God of the people who want to condemn me to hell. In particular one verse of the Quran gives me strength from time to time : “On no soul doth Allah place a burden greater than it can bear" (2:286). It feels hopeless at times, but I try to be a good person, keep my intentions pure, and my heart at ease.

How would you respond to Muslims who would condemn your lifestyle?

Let me live my life as I let you live yours. I'm responsible for my actions and you are responsible for yours.

If someone reading this is struggling with their sexual identity, what advice would you provide to them?

No amount of praying will make you straight. It’s not an illness nor a disease.

Does safety ever concern you in terms of retaliations from the Muslim community? Have you been threatened?

Personally no, but I've heard plenty of horror stories.

What message would you like to convey to Muslims about Muslims from the LGBTIQ community?

It gets better. Stay strong. Breathe. To all those who think we don’t exist: We exist. I could be your brother, your uncle, your cousin, your nephew. I am a caring brother, a doting uncle, a dutiful son. I'd like nothing more to see you happy - in fact - what makes you happy makes me happy.

To my family:
I’ll need you. Do you have any idea how terrifying it is? The idea of facing it without my family?

**

Interview #2

Name: Nahid Age: 22 Location: California Gender: Female

Sexual orientation: Queer Faith: Muslim

When was the first time you realized you weren't heterosexual?

18, my first year in college. I flirted back with a girl because she was into me and I thought it was less stressful than flirting with men.

Who did you inform?

Well, I was living in the dorms that year, so my friends were around to witness the ah, transformation. My best friend (Muslim) was an especially great person to speak with, not just because she understood my angst as a Muslim, but because she's a great person.

Have you 'come out' to your community/friends/family?

I am "out" to everyone except to people could float the news to my parents. Not that everyone I know knows I'm queer, but that I am not concerned with enlightening anyone about my private sexual practices. I'm not afraid to bring it up when I want to/ when its relevant. I *hate* the traditional coming out narrative, I don't feel attracted to the idea or liberated by telling everyone who I have in my bed. This is beyond privacy/safety issues.

If you have, what was the reaction of the community/friends/family?

I have yet to get an explicitly negative or hateful reaction, alhamdillah. My cousin in Syria (the only family other than my brother that I've told) raised her eyebrows and then made me promise to try sleeping with men, but she was supportive.

How have Muslims reacted when you revealed your sexual orientation? Provide examples.

My brother sort of just went "whoa," which was the best you could hope for from a then-15 year old boy. Since then he's been a support to me. People I've come out to anonymously have been supportive in theory. All other Muslims that I've talked about my sexuality with have been queer Muslims and within the context of our queer Islam.

Have you connected with other Muslims from the LGBTIQ community? If so, how do you connect?

Well, my other best Muslim friend from college ended up identifying as queer, but more in terms of how she practices her sexuality rather than as a woman who has sex with women.

Have you dated other Muslims from the LGBTIQ?

My current partner.

Do you foresee your relationships evolving from casual to a more sacred bond like marriage. Share your thoughts/dreams/hopes.

Um, I refuse to foresee anything. I can't because I'm a young woman living with her parents who would like to see a wedding out of their daughter. But even aside from the uncertainty, I don't feel an innate desire to echo heteronormative relationships and aspire to a marriage-like living arrangement. My current partner (a trans boy).

How do you reconcile your faith and your sexual orientation?

I just do. There are plenty of scholars more qualified than I to go into the specifics (verses, historical context and reinterpretation, cultural and colonial influences, the whole lot of it). But I'm sort of over all of that anyway. God is amazing. God is loving. Loving makes me feel closer to God. I believe in one God and in God's Prophet Muhammad and the prophets and messengers before him. I believe in the values and ideals of Islam wholeheartedly. I like doing lots of good deeds because good deeds are good, but to be honest drinking alcohol makes me feel more guilty than sex/ queer sex.

How would you respond to Muslims who would condemn your lifestyle?

I wouldn't.
If someone reading this is struggling with their sexual identity, what advice would you provide to them?

Oooh, this is the question that plagues me. Again, there are a million scholars more qualified than I to refer them to comforting verses, and the like, but trust in God. If we cannot trust in God there is nothing and no one on this Earth that we can trust. God hasn't placed any burden on our shoulders that we aren't capable of carrying, and coming to terms with your sexuality is a journey in life and in faith that will change you forever. If you, like I, manage to come out of it faith at all intact, it'll be a stronger and more pure faith then you ever could have found had you not embarked on this journey. There will be guilt, pain and tears. You may leave the faith, but don't be afraid to come back. The words "la illaha illlalllah" don't erase easy out of a person's heart, and that is 95% of Islam right there. Don't be afraid to question, to let go of ideas that are toxic. Don't change the faith: God is the All-Knowing in the end.

Does safety ever concern you in terms of retaliations from the Muslim community? Have you been threatened?

I am not a queer activist nor am I visible within the Muslim community as being queer. As I embark on more journeys and dive deeper into activism, I hope to not have to separate the two, but if I have to giggle about marriage with some Auntie in order to get across a message of social justice in the Middle East, I'm more than okay with that. That being said, I don't think I'd *not* reveal my sexuality, when it was relevant, out of fear of my safety. If it added something important to the discussion, I'd talk about being queer.

What message would you like to convey to Muslims about Muslims from the LGBTIQ community?

Don't do yourselves the disservice of limiting your worship to God. Islam is the most beautiful faith because it's heart and soul are pure and recognizable regardless in what "body" it manifests itself into. God is beautiful, All-powerful, the lot of it, y'know? If God is limitless, then why are we so insistent on our worship to God being limited?

**

Interview #3

Name: Saffiya Age: 22 Location: East Coast US Gender: Female

Sexual orientation: Bisexual Faith: Islam

When was the first time you realized you weren't heterosexual?
I was 18 and I got really close to one of my friends and realized it was different.

Who did you inform?
The girl I liked

Have you 'come out' to your community/friends/family?
Not really. Some of my friends know, but it is not public at all.

If you haven't, why not?
I don't want to complicate things. I am fine with the way I'm living. I am married and pretty much happy with my family.

If you have, what was the reaction of the community/friends/family?
My friends who know are supportive and do not have any problem with who I am. They respect my decisions and what I have done in my life and how I choose to live.

How have Muslims reacted when you revealed your sexual orientation? Provide examples.
Most of the people who I have told are people that I know will not have a negative reaction to what I am telling them. They have been neutral and non-judgmental. They have just let me talk about my problems/relationships like any other issues in my life.

Have you connected with other Muslims from the LGBTIQ community? If so, how do you connect?

I have friends who are bisexual and Muslim. They are not, in social terms, 'practicing' Muslims, but they are Muslim and we talk about our lives. I have not gone out and tried to connect specifically with these people, they were already my friends and we talk. I have a very good friend who told me she was bisexual way before I even figured it out about myself. She was the first person I went to talk to about my relationship. It really helps to have people like yourself to talk to because they can understand what you're going through.

Have you dated other Muslims from the LGBTIQ?
I have been with a Muslim girl. We have been together on an emotional and physical level.

Do you foresee your relationships evolving from casual to a more sacred bond like marriage. Share your thoughts/dreams/hopes.

No, I don't. I am married to a guy that I love and I am content with this relationship. Perhaps in another world where it would be okay to have that kind of bond. For now, all I can say is I wouldn't feel comfortable in an open relationship with a girl - maybe because I feel like it's wrong.

How do you reconcile your faith and your sexual orientation?
I keep them very very very separate. I block out my faith and religion if I am with a girl. I completely ignore its existence. And when I pray and try to practice my faith, I ignore my homoerotic desires. I have a lot of internal conflicts as a result.

How would you respond to Muslims who would condemn your lifestyle?
I would not be surprised.
If someone reading this is struggling with their sexual identity, what advice would you provide to them?
I honestly do not know what to say. I myself struggle with it, but I have chosen to ignore it for the most part because I am married and do not want to compromise my marriage or my family. Go with what your heart desires.

What message would you like to convey to Muslims about Muslims from the LGBTIQ community?

There are worse things a person can do, and there are worse problems the Muslim community. We need to get rid of this taboo. Lying is bad; cheating is bad; oppression is bad; rape is bad, but being a gay/lesbian is a personal choice! What's the point if you're straight and a horrible person? Why should people like that be allowed to be Muslim, but a person who is not straight is seen as a heathen? We need to check our priorities.

Interview #4

Name: Hamid Age: 19 Location: Canada Gender: Male

Sexual orientation: Gay Faith: Muslim

When was the first time you realized you weren't heterosexual?
I think I realized I wasn't "normal" from childhood. I've only accepted it a year ago.

Who did you inform?
No one yet

Have you 'come out' to your community/friends/family?
No I have not.

If you haven't, why not?

My family in general is conservative especially with this issue. I hope they would not disown me in shame, but at this point I am scared to take the chance. I know my parents will be disappointed and feel it's their fault. I pray that one day I can be completely honest with them, but I never want to risk losing their love and support

Have you connected with other Muslims from the LGBTIQ community? If so, how do you connect?

I have never interacted with any Muslims from the LGBT community offline, but have read about their experiences online. It was both touching and informative. It did provide me with a piece of mind to know there are people like me out there.

Do you foresee your relationships evolving from casual to a more sacred bond like marriage. Share your thoughts/dreams/hopes.

This topic scares me, no lie. Whenever I hear my parents talking about marriage and finding me a bride, I get a sick. Its one thing to not come out, but to pretend to love someone you have no attraction to is something I cannot bring myself to do. As for marriage with a man, it is something I have given thought about and at the end of the day I think everyone wants to find someone they can spend their life and share love.

How do you reconcile your faith and your sexual orientation?

For a long time I just told myself this is a phase and I will change one day. I began to hate a big part of myself and was angry for being different/unusual. It took me a long time to come to the conclusion that a JUST God would not want someone to live a lie!

How would you respond to Muslims who would condemn your lifestyle?

I, like many other gay Muslims have probably read the ton of blog posts, articles and fatwas saying its unnatural, disgusting, immoral and a deviation. It is very easy to say what is natural and what is not when you are not affected by the issue. That is all I can say because at this point I have heard it all and all I want is to find peace within myself and hope everyone can respect that

If someone reading this is struggling with their sexual identity, what advice would you provide to them?

At the end of the day you need to be true to yourself.

Does safety ever concern you in terms of retaliations from the Muslim community? Have you been threatened?

Thankfully living Canada I can say no, but that is not the case for many gay Muslims around the world.

Interview #5

Name: Brian Age: 19 Location: U.S. Gender: Male
Sexual orientation: Bisexual Faith: Muslim

When was the first time you realized you weren't heterosexual?
Middle school

Who did you inform?
Just a few of my closest friends

Have you 'come out' to your community/friendss/family?
Some, but not all.

If you have, what was the reaction of the community/friends/family?
I get alot of "really?" "Why?" and "I knew it!"

How have Muslims reacted when you revealed your sexual orientation? Provide examples
The one muslim I have told was very accepting, but she's gay so I would expect her to understand

Have you connected with other Muslims from the LGBTIQ community? If so, how do you connect?
Yes, we were friends in middle school and we now talk on facebook and text.

Have you dated other Muslims from the LGBTIQ?
No

Do you foresee your relationships evolving from casual to a more sacred bond like marriage. Share your thoughts/dreams/hopes.
If it happens, it happens, but I'm not planning on anytrhing

How do you reconcile your faith and your sexual orientation?
I don't know how to answer this question...

How would you respond to Muslims who would condemn your lifestyle?
More power to them. Would I be hurt? Yes! But would I understand? Yeah.

If someone reading this is struggling with their sexual identity, what advice would you provide to them?
Be who you are and do what you feel is right.

What message would you like to convey to Muslims about Muslims from the LGBTIQ community?
We exist and don't hate!

**

Interview #6

Name: Lukman Age: 34 Location: U.S. Gender: Male

Sexual orientation: Gay Faith: I really do not have one YET! I am on the fence between Islam and Judaism, and attend a Unitarian Universalist church.

When was the first time you realized you weren't heterosexual?
I realized in Kindergarten I had a crush on my best friend, and after telling him how much I liked him he made it REALLY clear that it was not "normal." I did not fully come out until I was a Junior in high school around 1993-1994.
Who did you inform?

I told my absolute best friend Patty, she cried with me and became my strongest support and biggest advocate despite being the preacher's daughter.

Have you 'come out' to your community/friends/family?
Everyone knows now. I have been with the same man for 12 years, and married for almost 7 years! I did not tell my parents until I was around 21. They handled it FAR better than I know they would have if I was open when I was in high school. Though they knew back then, we did not discuss it.

If you have, what was the reaction of the community/friends/family?
When I came out in high school I was rejected, harassed, and pushed so far that I was suicidal. I lost my best friend and a few supposedly good friends. My real friends kept me from doing anything to myself, and did all they could to never leave me alone or get upset.

How have Muslims reacted when you revealed your sexual orientation? Provide examples.
Over the last 12 years I have become very interested in Islam, but have been terrified to become a Muslim because of attitudes towards gay people. I recently reached out to a local Imam, asking if he would help me become a Muslim, his response was:

"From my position as Imam my heart and my intention is to help people in following the deen of Islam. This position includes encouraging people to do what Allah (swt) asks of us and to stay away from those things that he has asked us to stay away from. Now you have said a couple of times in your email that you want to learn about Islam. And I say to you that I do not think that is entirely true. It is quite possible that you want to learn about Islam those things with which you already agree. Finding justification for one's beliefs in a religious tradition, and rejecting those things about that religious tradition which one does not believe in is not that uncommon."

This was entirely unfair of him and it only got worse. This is hard for me to recount as it has happened a couple of times when I reached out to Muslims. The reason why I do reach out is that I feel Islam is communal religion: your prayers are meant to be said in UNISON with your community, the wider the ummah. Though I know I can technically say the Shahadah by myself, I keep reading that you should repeat it in front of a community of Muslims in order to make it more "authentic." The Imam continued on to say:

"Certain things are allowed and certain things are not allowed. One of the areas in Islam in which there are fairly clearly laid out restrictions has to do with sex. Sex between men and sex between women is simply not allowed. So in my mind, the performance of that is detrimental to your deen and puts all else in doubt. The second problem for me is the idea that two men or two women can marry. This is also not allowed in Islam. Actually it is so far removed from what marriage means in Islam that it is not even considered. As an Imam, I am asked to wed people according to Islamic law as found in the Qur'an and Hadith. There is no where in those laws and traditions (believe me I have looked), which could even be used to design a wedding ceremony for a same sex couple, much less a marriage."

For about the 8th time in my life my hope of being taught about Islam and become a believer was destroyed.

Have you connected with other Muslims from the LGBTIQ community? If so, how do you connect?
I have tried but there is nothing that I know of around me and the one place I knew of online stopped being active, and they eventually let the website expire. One being http://www.al-fatiha.org/ and the other being http://www.progressiveislam.org

Do you foresee your relationships evolving from casual to a more sacred bond like marriage. Share your thoughts/dreams/hopes.
Already did! I was married to my husband 7 years ago.

How do you reconcile your faith and your sexual orientation?
Despite everything I keep reading, I feel a deep connection to God, Allah, or however you want to label the Divine. Having read the Hebrew Bible and the Qur'an, I do not see what people throw in my face about my sexuality. I actually feel comfortable with my sexuality and Islam or even Judaism.

How would you respond to Muslims who would condemn your lifestyle?
A lot of the condemnations I hear are more cultural or translation dependent, some from a time when science was only beginning and not nearly as advanced as it is now, yet Islam's message is above and beyond all cultures or time periods!

If someone reading this is struggling with their sexual identity, what advice would you provide to them?
Seek help, immediately! There are groups that you can contact no matter where you are that can help connect you to safe places or people: http://www.americanislamicfellowship.com/ http://www.mrmo.org/ http://www.muslimunion.ca/ http://www.pbm.org.uk/ http://www.kritiskemuslimer.dk/

Does safety ever concern you in terms of retaliations from the Muslim community? Have you been threatened?
Safety is a concern for me, I have never been threatened but I am terrified due to reading many stories of others.

What message would you like to convey to Muslims about Muslims from the LGBTIQ community?
We are alike. There is nothing to fear from us. We just want to be treated like the brothers and sisters we are! I think a lot of the fear comes from a misconception and misunderstanding of what it means to be LGBT.

If you have any additional thoughts, please feel free to add them.
With the rampant Islamophobia around the world, members of the LGBT community would be powerful allies in the fight against the lies and deceit. We have dealt with it, and still do unfortunately, and many of us do stand up and fight against Islamophobia. It would be amazing to be able to stand side-by-side and fight for equality and respectful treatment of all of us, UNITED.

*Thank you to all the brave participants with this project. Peace and love to you.