Organica

Grain Free Cooking

2012-01-22T11:29:00.000-05:00

Unconventional Muslim Marriage: 4 Case Studies

2012-01-08T23:42:00.002-05:00

Unconventional marriage within the Muslim American community has been a growing concern as the Muslim American narrative expands. Intercultural marriages have become somewhat of a norm within many Muslim communities around the U.S. The lines of culture have been blurred and many families have dropped traditional expectations to stay within one's culture or region from "back home." Indeed intercultural marriage is only one of many unconventional forms of marriage within the Muslim community.

Unconventional marriages include a Muslim native marrying a convert Muslim or someone outside their culture or race; marrying an older/younger man or woman; marrying a divorcee with or without children; individuals with visible and non-visible disabilities, individuals with low academic or financial prospects; and individuals with known fertility difficulties, etc. Certainly, no one denies that these populations within the Muslim community deserve to find happiness, BUT they do prefer they stick to their "own kind" because that seems to be the natural order of things. But one must question, is that a reasonable thought? Why should we punish and exclude individuals solely based on labels they didn't acquire by "choice?"

It's time as a Muslim American culture that we become accepting of "reject" Muslims and be inclusive as God meant us to be. It's also equally important that adult Muslim Americans "ready" for marriage take on a more adult, independent role when it comes to selecting a spouse. There is no doubt that family and friends' input is invaluable when it comes to major life decisions, but it shouldn't be in anyway the ONLY determining factor. The notion that parents have "ownership" over their children MUST be eradicated. God commanded children to be kind to their parents, but not unreasonably foolish to please their every whim!

Most Muslims won't deny or even disagree the importance of this topic, but how many would begin to practice this? My dear friend Javed (aka Hijabman) has led by example. He fell in love with a beautiful divorced mother (of different cultural background) and married her WITHOUT a blink. Javed has taken on the role as father to his daughter and a great Muslim husband to his new bride. I have much respect for Javed for truly practicing what he had preached for years! I am also happy to report they have one of the best marriages I've seen in years. Kudos to Mr. and Mrs. Hijabman (and let's not forget Warrior Princess)!

Below you will find four case studies of individuals I've interviewed for this project. Aspects of the stories have been altered to maintain anonymity of the individuals. Let's alter the American Muslim narrative to be inclusive and less heartbreaking for all involved.

***

Case Study #1:

Ayah was a young professional Muslim American of Eastern origin. She met Talha at her local mosque during a Ramadan dinner. She was passing out baklava, a famous Arab dessert, to interfaith guests that night and caught Talha's attention. Conversation flew easy despite their age difference. Ayah asked her friends if they knew Talha and they did. He was a great young man with ambition. Many months later Talha and Ayah would cross paths and begin to date with intention of a serious relationship (marriage) when they both finished their studies at the university. Ayah introduced Talha to her parents and they really liked him. Talha did the same but his mother wasn't as enthusiastic of the new found friendship. She asked Talha to stop seeing Ayah because in Islam it's haraam for a man and woman to be friends. Talha and Ayah struggled with the idea, but eventually began a secret relationship that lasted a couple of years. When Ayah and Talha completed their education, they decided to inform their parents of their desire to get married.

Talha's mother rejected the idea immediately. Although being a religious and pious woman herself never missing a prayer, she found the age difference between Talha and Ayah worrying, although she herself was married to a much older man. However, in this instance Ayah was older than Talha. Another excuse was Ayah's parents were divorced and that meant she didn't come from a "good" family. Talha argued with his parents that their reservations were unIslamic in nature and they had no right to disapprove. Talha's mother made it clear her health couldn't handle such arguments and the issue was over. Talha and Ayah after many years of contributing to their community had to split. Many community members were unhappy with the outcome and the actions of Talha's family, but they understood how culturally they were sound. When Talha was asked after the split if he would begin searching for a new potential spouse, he exclaimed: "Why should I even bother when they'll reject anyone I suggest?"

***

Case Study #2

Nirmeen was a bright medical student with a succesful future ahead of her. She met Brian at a local community event and they instantly became friends. Brian was a convert to Islam of many years and was actively involved in the Muslim community. The attraction between Nirmeen and Brian was inevitable. She enjoyed their late night conversations and occasional outings when medical school gave her a break to do so. When Nirmeen's and Brian's relationship took a serious turn they began considering marriage. Nirmeen approached her Arab family about her desire to marry Brian, a White convert. Her mother in particular didn't want to hear anything about it and insisted Nirmeen was worth an Arab man of equal status. Nirmeen's family rejected the possibility of even getting to know Brian as a person. He simply didn't meet the criteria due to his ethnicity.

Nirmeen continued to see Brian but was heartbroken at the possibility of not being with Brian. Brian and Nirmeen had intense debates as a result. They both wanted this badly, but Nirmeen couldn't possibly defy her family. She loved them too much. Nirmeen's grades started to suffer in medical school, so did her health. She lost weight and became a shadow of her old bubbly self. Nirmeen threatened, argued and persuaded her family. She consulted with her local Imam to assist her to convince her family that their rejection of Brian was unfounded and unIslamic. After an entire year of pure agony, Nirmeen's family agreed to their engagement.

Nirmeen and Brian have been happily married for over 5 years and have 2 beautiful children together. Nirmeen loves her new family and would never trade it for anything.

***

Case Study #3

Hazem a Ph.D. divorced male from a Pakistani British family who married a young woman his parents had chosen for him out of many possible candidates. They had a daughter their first year of marriage, but Hazem’s young bride was unhappy with their arranged marriage. Eventually, the couple called it quits and Hazem was a divorced Muslim male with a daughter. When it came for Hazem to remarry, he met a sweet professional woman who had never been married before. Mona became close friends with Hazem. Over the years, Mona and Hazem developed a strong friendship that eventually developed into something more. Luckily, Mona and Hazem were of the same ethnic background. When Mona introduced Hazem to her family, they immediately rejected the thought of a ‘divorced’ man marrying their virginal daughter. Mona and Hazem attempted to convince Mona’s family that he is indeed worthy of their daughter. The parents rejected all talks with the young couple and made it clear their approval would never happen. Mona had to make a tough decision: choose her family or the love of her life.

After years of attempts, Mona decided to take the reins of her own life and married Hazem without her family’s consent, although with their knowledge. Mona is happily married to Hazem but her heart continues to break because her parents might never recognize her marriage or any future children from this union.

Case Study #4

Abeer is a young divorced Muslim woman who divorced at a very young age due to physical and emotional abuse. She reports that the divorce was a very difficult stage in her life. She would often wonder if her decision to leave her abuser was a correct one. Sometimes when the community would judge her harshly because of her label, she often contemplated if staying with her abuser would have been better. Abeer met Wael a young Muslim man closer to her age. They met through a popular social media and their messages soon evolved from friendship to admiration. Wael made his intentions clear toward Abeer and let her know he'd talk to his parents as soon he had the opportunity. Wael didn't mind that Abeer was divorced, he admired her for what she was.

When Wael informed his family of his new found crush, they were devastated. His family threatened to cut him off if he pursued this relationship. One of the parents started exhibiting physical symptoms due to this union and was promptly rushed to the hospital. Wael although persistent to pursue Abeer, had to surrender his dreams to avoid his family's disappointment and eventual demise. How could Wael live knowing he caused his own family so much pain and suffering? Wael's sister sent an email to Abeer threatening someone of her 'kind' (divorced) to stop THINKING of having a relationship with her 'pure' brother. Abeer had never heard from Wael again and it appears that his family forced him into an arranged marriage. Abeer feels worthless and hurt by the experience. She says: "This experience hurt worse than my own divorce!"

An Open Letter to Luqman

2011-12-20T23:15:00.000-05:00

Luqman:

You might find it odd that I am writing to you on this platform in front of 100s of people from all over the world. For our purposes, may we consider this letter the equivalent of someone wanting to scream to the world they love someone. Don't worry, this isn't a letter where I profess my love and ask you to leave your husband for me. I am no home-wrecker, and I'd probably try it with Ryan Gosling first just in case. Be happy, you are second best choice!

Don't worry I won't tell the world that we both adore Twilight secretly and sometimes have intense discussions to determine if Jacob's perfect abs can indeed make up for Edward's eternal romance? Or how we attempt to focus on our similarities rather than our differences (i.e. Adele). Let's not go there, shall we?

I am writing to you today because your interview here touched me so. I admire your faith, persistence and determination to find your Truth. As you shared, another human decided your interest in Islam was invalid due to your lifestyle. I know you might feel rejected by the Muslim community which you ever so wish to join.

It hurts to think that someone had the guts to speak on behalf of God and reject you. If I could return in time to undo these memories, I would. But here we are.

God is beautiful. I know we discussed this privately, but I would like reiteriate: when we have that incessant urge to worship, to remember, to feel God, it's because He wants you. Call them hints, reminders or love nudges.

I do think everything happens for a reason. I do agree with you that God put you in my path for a reason. Your strength; your beautiful relationship with your husband; and your open heart have inspired me to continue my own personal journey to the truth.

I know you are forgoing Christmas presents this year to visit a sick friend after the holidays. So, with this letter, I would like to offer you a small early Christmas gift:

Luqman, myself and the following Muslims below would like to welcome you to our faith with open arms IF your journey was to ever direct you back to us. We love and accept you for who you are and pray that God accepts us too.

Peace and blessings,

Your Muslim Family (80 and counting)

Cindy A.
Yosra Said
Urooba Jamal
Ginger Davis
Mennah
Nora E.
Amirah Shourbaji
Amber Majid
Khadeeja Afreen
A'ishah Hils
Rowan Y.
Fatima Abbas
Sara Mohamed
Hamza Dawud Flanagan
Noor N.
Salman Merchant
Yasmine Abdul
Arabsest
Nader
AbdulRahman J.A.
Karim A.
Ahmed Samir
Metis
Amie Bashir
Adam M.
Sara
Mohamed Kamel
Aliaa Amer
Reem
Pierina Rosa
Zainab Bint Younes
Sara D.
Ali Asim
Angy E.
Aaliya K.
Chris
Saif Quadri
Nour_
Khadija
Raquel E. Saraswati
Khadijah Bassier
Nihad Niloufer
Nakia J.
Riven Vincent
Ayah M.
SafiyaOutlines
Shawna Ayoub Ainslie
Ibtisam
Adilah A.
Mahmoud M.
Youssef Abdelgawad
Roberta D.
Sara L. Horton
K.A.
Mohammed Irufan
Rachid

Shireen Somji

Haris

Tim Swan

Katrina Daly Thompson

Fawzia Rouabhi

T
Lubna A.
Hibaq Osman
Safiyyah
Fatemah Fakhraie
Rechem
Leila l'Oranaise
Sabra B.
Vaness Fatima
Sarah Al Kiyumi
Mohammad Zaman
Autumn M.
Hind Kasem
Farshiya Shafeeq
Azlin
Sabirah M.

Nadiah Mohajir
Jennifer
Dina Ibrahim

**
Response from Imam Suhaib Webb:

(If you would like to sign this letter to welcome Luqman to the Muslim community, please use the comment section to sign your name and I'll reflect it on this letter).

Finding a Voice: LGBTIQ Muslims Speak (Part 1)

2011-12-15T21:08:00.000-05:00

In the following page you will find 6 interviews with Muslims/potential Muslims who identify as homosexual/bisexual. Although traditionally - throughout Islamic history - Muslims with homoerotic desires and practices have had to keep a low profile or employ a "don't ask, don't tell" prerogative. Muslim homosexuals and bisexuals exist and have for centuries. There is also evidence of such relationships embedded within Islamic literature and poetry.

This post will not serve as justification for arguments either way. Although for many mainstream Muslims the argument is clear and there should be no further discussion, I believe it's important we note that not ALL Muslims feel the same way about the discourse around homosexuality and bisexuality in Islam.

One of my future goals is to informally research the history of homosexuality in Islam. In the time being, here are the resources I would use when I begin my research:

Homosexuality in Islam by Scott Kugle
Sexual Ethics and Islam by Kecia Ali (Chapter 5)
Before Homosexuality in the Arab-Islamic World 1500-1800 by Khaled El-Rouahyeb
Imaan LGBTIQ Muslim Support Group (London)
Islamic Homosexualities: Culture, History and Literature by Will Roscoe and Stephen Murray
Homosexuality and Islam by Hephaestus Books
Short documentary on LGBT Iraqis, Gay MiddleEast Project
Coming Out Twice: Sexuality and Gender in Islam
Daayiee Abdullah: Being Out And Being Muslim
Islam and Homosexuality by Samar Habib
Allah, Liberty and Love by Irshad Manji
Gay Muslim Scholar Shunned by the Faithful
Female Homosexuality in the Middle East by Samar Habib
A Jihad for Love: First lengthy Documentary to explore Islam and homosexuality in 12 different countries by Parvez Sharma
Arabo-Islamic Text on Female Homosexuality (850-1780 AD) by Samar Habib
Top Secret: Sexual Guidance for Married Couples by Wedad Lootah
Eye on Gay Muslims
Resources for LGBTIQ Muslims and Allies
Battling for Gay Rights, in Allah's Name by Karl Huus
LGBT Muslim Retreat (scheduled for summer 2012)
Muslim LGBT Inclusion Project, a report by Intersections International
Pink Crescents: Being Gay and Muslim
Eid: Being LGBT and Muslim by El-Farouk Khaki
Salaam Queer Muslim Community
Al-Fatiha Foundation
Youtube Diaries of a Gay Pakistani Shia Muslim
A Gay Marriage in Ireland Causes a Stir

The purpose of this post is as follows:

1) Humanize Muslim LGBTIQ

2) Refute claims they don't exist

3) Demonstrate that LGBTIQ Muslims are INDEED Muslim and there are no contradictions [sexual orientation doesn't affect one's religious identity]

4) Support Muslims confused about their sexual orientation and offer them resources and a safe online community for support.

*Comments are moderated for this post. The author of this blog reserves the right to delete comments that are derogatory, threatening or offensive in nature.
*The content of the interviews do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the author of this blog

Interviews can be found here.

The Angelic Curse: Marital Rape

2011-12-10T00:08:00.001-05:00

A true story.

Her husband went to bed, yet she lay awake trying hard not to think of what just happened. What he did - or rather didn't. She wondered how many Angels cursed her as she hugged herself feeling like she had no one but God on her side. Yet, was He? After all, she was a bad wife for rejecting her husband's sexual advances.

Tonight her husband, her abuser, her so-called protector had changed the meaning of intimacy forever. It was a God-given right; it was her obligation even if she didn't consent. She was sleeping soundly when she felt his weight on her. He refused to listen to her pleads. Her cries for him to stop. He repeated: "You are mine, you are mine."

She laid in bed all alone. Used. Would crying undo what it was done? Her husband patted her arm and told her to go to sleep. He collapsed next to her with exhaustion.

She held her breath. She wished she could have the courage to hold it forever. She silently cried in the dark. Taking deep and silent breaths so her rapist wouldn't wake up to her desperate cries.

Tonight he forced himself on her. She had to oblige or the Angels would have cursed her. She cried the entire time, he ignored her or did he laugh? It was all about him tonight - the all powerful man.

Her life felt like death, was this her eternal punishment?

As she covered her exposed flesh she thought of every Angel that cursed at her and wished she had the power to curse them back.

Marital rape is real.

Innocence Stolen: A Young Woman's Story

2011-12-03T21:07:00.017-05:00

I pulled up to the dark grey building and waited for her to appear. They didn't give me a name or the reason we were making the trip. My job today was to deliver her safely to the address provided no questions asked.

She startled me. A beautiful young girl - no older than eighteen - appeared at my window. She wasn't smiling; she looked rather tense. I sensed her hesitation to enter my car so I assured her that I was a friend of her "contact." She was safe to ride with me. To break the ice I complimented her beautiful traditional dress; she shyly looked away and stared out the window. This was an assignment from the women's organization I volunteered for.

The car ride to our destination was quiet. It didn't help that we didn't have a language in common. We did however laugh at my horrible parallel parking skills. It's tough to find good parking in the city.

As I will learn, our destination was the county hospital.

I wasn't sure why I was chosen for this assignment. I couldn't be her interpreter, I was useless. But I trusted my coordinator's decision and went with it. As we approached the receptionist we were ushered to the special 6th floor. The nurse greeted us warmly. We waited in silence and I avoided looking in her direction.

And finally the doctor called us in. I gestured that I would wait for her outside and will be here when she's done. She shook her head and protested "Noooooo!"

She took me by my hand and insisted I stay. I had no choice, so I obliged. We entered into the examining room where there were an unusual number of staff members present. I became suspicious. Why are all these people here? Why am I here?

There was an interpreter present in the room with us. The doctor spoke to the young girl slowly and softly. And the interpreter delivered what he said word for word.

Doctor: "We reviewed your lab work, and you are not HIV positive. The results came negative."

The interpreter and the girl started hugging and jumping with joy. The young girl ran up to me and embraced me so hard. I was still recovering from the shock. My body shivered. I had no idea.

I felt privileged she trusted me to hear her verdict, her fate.

I would learn later that I was chosen because I came from a different ethnic background. Women who sought assistance with the organization didn't want to be identified and shamed within their own communities. The young teen was raped by a close relative in her country. When she came to America, she was urged to get checked, but she surely couldn't do it with the knowledge of her family who deny that the assault ever took place.

The brave young girl contacted our organization for help. If word went out to her community that she got tested for HIV, she would be an outcast never allowed to marry or live a normal life.

I can still remember her face when I dropped her off at her house. She was beaming with light. It was almost like a rebirth, a second chance to live. I never saw her again, but the memory of her and her experience are engraved within. I pray that every victim will have the courage to fight back and strip themselves of the title: victim.

A True Story, 2006.

Date Rape: A Victim's Story

2011-12-01T21:05:00.001-05:00

Below is an account of a traumatic event that occurred to friend. Let's put an end to violence against women by speaking up without shame! I want to thank my friend for her beautiful courage for coming forward. Peace.

by Anonymous.

My freshman year was by far a challenging one: I was date raped by a very close friend of mine.

In September, I met Yusuf in class. He was a great friend and we would hang out and laugh a lot. He had had a great soul and cared about the world. We had our philosophical conversations about life, religion, politics, and the world for hours at a time. One day in April, Yusuf asked if I would have lunch with him. Our date was casual; afterwards he asked if I wanted to go to his place. I didn’t think too much of it, I had been to his apartment before and it had been completely innocent. He lived alone. I should have seen the signs. In retrospect it’s all so clear. But I was blinded by my trust in him.

Instead of protecting myself, I walked into the lion’s den. Vulnerable. He got onto his bed, and I distanced myself sitting at his chair. Our friendship was strictly platonic so I didn’t think too much of it. After a while, he asked me to join him on the bed. Because I trusted him, I got on his bed, and we talked for a long time. And then he was kissing me. I told him I was not comfortable kissing him. “Relax Fatima, we’re just having fun,” he repeated, on and on. Kissing him was already pushing my boundaries; I wasn’t okay with it. Then he started groping me, and touching me, and I was so uncomfortable.

Before I knew what was happening, both our pants were off.

I tried to talk him out of it, told him I wasn’t comfortable, told him I wasn’t ready for sex with him and all the consequences it would bring. He told me that it wasn’t a big deal, that it was just fun, but I kept repeating, “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. No. No. No. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t”. But instead of hearing my pleading, he pressed himself into me. I whispered, “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.” Then I just shut down, completely blocked out the world. My response to this traumatic, terrible thing was to turn myself off instead of fighting or fleeing.

I stared at the flag of Saudi Arabia the entire duration of it, at the shahada, the foundation of Islam, There is no God but God and Muhammad (saw) is the last Prophet.

Afterwards, he asked if I was okay, and I said, “Yusuf, did I ever say yes to you?” His response I will never forget. “No, but you silently consented”. I wasn’t okay with that answer. I looked at him and shrugged. He said, “Do you really think I raped you? How could you ever think I would do that to you?” I didn’t have words. I was confused. Was I just imaging it? Making a big deal of a casual college sexual experience?

Nothing made any sense after that. I went home and lay in bed feeling dirty and confused. I felt so alone. I kept the TV on – blaring -the silence was too loud. I took close to 40 showers in two days. I just never felt clean enough. I began telling close friends, a few didn’t believe me because they knew him, and didn’t think he was capable of such an atrocious act. I felt like my life had fallen apart, almost as if someone had unraveled the thread of my sanity. The rest of the semester went by in a haze. I’m not sure how I woke up each day, how I got ready, how I went about the most basic things.

That summer went by and each day I couldn’t force myself out of bed. I would sleep all day, and genuinely considered suicide. But I realized that I had too much to live for. This couldn’t be the darkest point of my life, and if it was, there was only one place to go from there: up. In the fall, I surrounded myself with amazing people at my new job. One of my advisors changed my life. She gave me the reigns to my life back; she helped me realize that it wasn’t my fault, and that I would be okay again. My biggest hurt was that it was a betrayal from such a good friend. He was kind, and genuine. He helped orphans, graduated Cum Laude. He wanted to change the world. He wanted to make a difference.

It’s been a year and a half and I still see him from time to time, and I feel like everything I’ve worked so hard to be, comes tumbling down around me again when I do. I had to start over from scratch because of this. I had to rebuild my life and my foundations. I lost my sanity, stability, and I had to fight to regain it. I never took legal action and I don’t regret that decision, but I know that karma overcomes all. I’ve thought time and time again what I would say to him if I was given an honest chance, but in some ways, it’s okay that it happened. If it had to happen, I’m grateful that it did the way it did. I love the person I am now, I have so much strength of character, I’m passionate and I’m courageous. Everything I’m not made me everything I am.

Disclaimer: the author of the blog reserves the right to delete comments that are demeaning or offensive in nature.

Project Humanize Muslims

2011-11-18T18:34:00.009-05:00

Recently someone revealed that I was not a typical Muslim or Arab woman. This person believes most Muslim women are docile, quite, submissive, uneducated and non-contributing citizens. This project is here to prove this person and others wrong. You can't 'box' Muslims because we are too diverse to be clumped together. The objectives of this project is as follows:

Eradicate stereotypes surrounding Muslim women as docile, submissive, uneducated, non-motivated
Highlight the diverse achievements of Muslims to the modern world
Humanize Muslims through social media outlets
Recognize and celebrate the achievements of Muslims
Battle Islamophobic sentiments
Opportunity for networking and inspiring others
Identify that Muslims are a diverse group and come from all walks of life

**
Muslims from all over the world and their achievements:

Mariam AlSarkal

Name: Mariam AlSarkal Age: 28 Profession: Filmmaker
Country of Residence: United Arab Emirates Ethnic Background: Emirati
Describe yourself in one line: If I didn't plan my day in advance in an hourly basis, I feel lost and disoriented.
A fun fact about yourself: I couldn't survive without my Apple products.
Hobbies: Reading while sipping my Moroccan tea, jogging by the beach, meeting talents, relaxing by the desert, spending time with my nieces and nephews, blogging, acting, working on film projects.
Share some of your greatest achievements: I was just 20 when I started directing my first TV show called CARZ that was aired on Dubai TV. I was the youngest female director!
What inspires you? Everything around me inspires me! Architecture, arts, paintings, films, fashion, books, and most importantly people.
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? Be passionate about anything and everything you do. I believe in putting 110% in everything you do.

Yusra Badr

Name: Yusra Badr Age: 32 Profession: Writer, Copywriter, editor and translator
Country of Residence: Egypt Ethnic Background: Middle Eastern
Describe yourself in one line: My alter ego is a philosopher who lives in my head. We have some very interesting conversations sometimes.
A fun fact about yourself: I had an out-of-body experience during surgery in 2003. Also, almost everyone I know calls me Budz, which is a twist to my last name. It's pronounced B-o-u-d-z.
Hobbies: Reading, writing and collecting music
Share some of your greatest achievements: I published a book; I pursued a career in writing at a relatively late age, defying logic and ignoring all my academic backgrounds; I haven't missed a single prayer in more than 15 years.
What inspires you? Everything and anything! I find inspiration in the smallest and biggest of things.
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? Being a woman does not mean you are inferior. Think of yourself as a human, then as a woman. Challenge the givens and decide for yourself if they are indeed truth.
**

Salman Merchant

Name: Salman Merchant Age: 27 Profession: Co-Founder and President of eResults Advertising
Country of Residence: U.S. Ethnic Background: Pakistani
Describe yourself in one line: My dreams of heaven usually involve the universe's greatest bakery
A fun fact about yourself: If Hans Zimmer wrote it, I probably love it.
Hobbies: Every sport except for basketball, hiking, all things technology and a burgeoning coffee mug collection (no seriously)
Share some of your greatest achievements: I think the greatest thing I've achieved in my life has been to co-found eResults advertising which is a very small online marketing firm. I left law school fairly early in the process after finding that I had absolutely no clue as to why the law was right for me. I came to the conclusion that satisfying my inner fire for personal and professional growth required self responsibility and total independence.

I also battled with Generalized Anxiety Disorder since I was 14. It was an uphill climb for me during the first few years, but after a while I began to realize that there was no off switch for my increased anxiety and often downright fear. With the help of cognitive-behavioral techniques, I was able to to better manage my anxiety, which had significantly impaired my daily life.
What inspires you? Pushing myself beyond my own mental and emotional boundaries.
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? It's never too early or late to start learning about yourself and the world around you. Your personal motivation and character form the foundations of your life, and knowing yourself is absolutely essential to realizing any form of growth or contentment.

**

Ginger Davis

Name: Ginger Davis   Age: 36 Profession: Preschool teacher/daycare owner
Country of Residence: U.S.   Ethnic Background: American, mixed European
Describe yourself in one line: I work with kids because they are much easier to work with than adults!
A fun fact about yourself: I was a performer in college
Hobbies:  Knitting, sewing, cooking
Share some of your greatest achievements: I am proud to be the first woman from either side of my family to graduate from college.
What inspires you? Lots of different things - I like to read and get ideas from different places. Finding like-minded people in my field has been the best thing that happened to me so far. I look to them for ideas and support all the time.
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? You have to be realistic about your goals, and willing to see the weaknesses of yourself and others around you. You can only overcome a challenge if you face it head on, you'll never get past something if you don't acknowledge it! You also have to be careful to measure your accomplishments on your own scale, never compare your life to other people's.
**

Tim Swan

Name: Tim Swan Age: 23 Profession: Retail Clerk
Country of Residence: United States Ethnic Background: Italian, German, Scottish, Swiss.
Describe yourself in one line: I have the tendency to make people laugh whenever possible.
A fun fact about yourself: I am an aspiring marathon runner.
Hobbies: I volunteer at our local cat shelter, play/watch soccer, love to cook and bake.
Share some of your greatest achievements: I'm proud to be involved with political activism, both human and animal rights causes for the past 6 years of my life. I enjoy helping others in need.
What inspires you? My parents actually inspire me the most. I would like to grow up to be half of their character if I'm lucky, God-willing.
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? I would tell them to not give up on their hopes and reams. Remember that everything works out in the end!
**

Yasmine Abdul

Name: Yasmin Abdul Age: 22 Profession: Student
Country of Residence: U.S. Ethnic Background: Biracial: Half Caucasian, Half North African
Describe yourself in one line: I choose to live outside my comfort zone, bringing as many people along with me on the way.
A fun fact about yourself: I've been a vegetarian for over 10 years, and dabble in veganism from time to time.
Hobbies: Social/political activism, writing short stories and music, snowboarding, camping, hiking, reading, traveling, teaching and tweeting.
Share some of your greatest achievements: Starting an organization on campus with friends that concentrate on social justice issues around the world, receiving recognition for various diversity movements I've been involved in on campus, and finally interaction I have with my students I feel as an achievement.
What inspires you? My faith, reading the Quran on Friday mornings over a cup of coffee can quickly light a spark in my spirit. When I see people taking control of their future and breaking the status quo, it motivates me to create a space and a vision of my own. I'm moved by those who create their own stories. I like to shock people and challenge their thoughts!
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? I've learned it's okay to be lost, to not want for yourself what others want out of life. It's okay to challenge ideas and create your own. Being an independent and critical thinker is the most important way to make yourself an integral part of society!
**

Tamer Bitiriim

Name: Tamer Bitiriim Age: 17 Profession: Student and assistant hairstylist
Country of Residence: UK Ethnic Background: Turkish Cypriot (Turkish+Arab)
Describe yourself in one line: Trying to be the person I was too lazy to be yesterday.
A fun fact about yourself: I can swear in 17 different language
Hobbies: Love relaxing after a long day of college or work with a cup of tea and shisha with friends. Interested in politics and economics. I love to travel. I am going to Ghana in a coupe of months to do charity!
Share some of your greatest achievements: Got the grades that allowed me to study for the International Baccalaureate Diploma programme. I gained distinction in my Royal Academy of Irish Music piano exam. I was made head of an anti-cyber bullying program and was trained by the British Department of Schools and Children as a "cyber-mentor"
What inspires you? Family. The bond that links your family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. It amazes me the lengths and efforts families go for each other, but in fact as they are doing it out of love.
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? "Live together like brothers, do business like strangers."
**

Fatima Abbas

Name: Fatima Abbas Age: 25 Profession: Lawyer
Country of Residence: U.S. Ethnic Background: Native American (Haliwa Saponi) and Pakistani
Describe yourself in one line: If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
A fun fact about yourself: I backpacked Southern Spain and traveled Southern Ireland via bus late August.
Hobbies: Reading the dailymail.com, watching Real Housewives franchise, and reading anything related to civil rights and federal Indian law.
Share some of your greatest achievements: Getting the Diamond Scholarship at Temple University, which allowed me to do research on my tribe's access to federal funds as a state recognized tribe. My second happiest moment was making it to the quarterfinals of a Moot Court competition on federal Indian law with my friend Leinalaa Ley.
What inspires you? My grandparents who were in the legal profession in Pakistan. My grandmother was the first female lawyer in Pakistan and my grandfather was Chief Justice of the Shariah Court, and they were both advocates for women rights.
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? "Become a doctor your parents always wanted you to marry." But no seriously: Don't let people use religion to hold you back; Islam came as an empowerment to the marginalized, don't let anyone corrupt the message 1400 years later!
**

Misha Zia

Name: Misha Zia Age: 21 Profession: Student (Business Administration)
Country of Residence: Canada Ethnic Background: Pakistani
Describe yourself in one line: I am a perfectionist, which probably drives me more crazy than it does people around me!
A fun fact about yourself: I used to pretend that I was a vampire when I was little. I also caught my first fish this past summer!
Hobbies: Reading, writing, outdoor/nature activities such as camping, hiking and traveling.
Share some of your greatest achievements: I recently organized a "Women in the Workplace" career seminar at my university, an event that sought to highlight successful Muslim women who maintain professional careers. The main reason I wanted to organize an event like this was because of the cultural stigma attached to Muslim women working full-time, and the general lack of ambition amongst the younger female generation in doing so for the sake of becoming a stay-at-home-wife/mom.
What inspires you? Nature
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? Make a list of goals you want to accomplish in your life and really motivate yourself to achieving them; be active in your community; learn how to manage time effectively and prioritize tasks; find a husband/significant other who nurtures your creativity and encourages you to be the best you can be.
**

Mohamed Zaman

Name: Mohamed Zaman Age: 20 Profession: Student
Country of Residence: U.S. Ethnic Background: Pakistani
Describe yourself in one line: I love being in water but I can't swim
A fun fact about yourself: I'm tall, look skinny but I'm a bit chubby in the middle, though no one can see it but me.
Hobbies: Basketball, gaming and reading about world politics.
Share some of your greatest achievements: Receiving honors for my education and winning the championship with my team, Youth Muslim Basketball League.
What inspires you? My parents
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? Everything takes repetition and patience.
**

Ify Okoye

Name: Ify Okoye Age: 28 Profession: Full-time student and rehabilitation specialist. I work with individuals been diagnosed with mental illness and chemical addiction
Country of Residence: U.S. Ethnic Background: Igbo, Nigerian, African American
Describe yourself in one line: I'm curious about the world, educated, opinionated, and always defying stereotypes, so watch out!
A fun fact about yourself: I know an obscene amount of trivia.
Hobbies: Studying Islam, reading, blogging, hiking, photography and volunteering.
Share some of your greatest achievements: I consider converting to Islam and remaining in the religion a major achievement. Secondly, I am proud of my involvement with pray-in protests in Washington DC area mosques! Through our writing and pray-ins we've helped bring conversation about women's space and participation in mosques and the wider Muslim community. Third, converting almost everyone in my circle to Mac.
What inspires you? I'm inspired by anyone who stands up for what is right and just in the world, especially in the face of strong opposition. I am inspired by our ability to make a meaningful difference in the lives of others through our own creativity and service.
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? Strive hard, be yourself and don't let others turn off the switch of what make you, uniquely you. Standing up publicly for something is powerful act and if you're criticized for it, it's probably because you are doing something right!
**

Abdullah Al-Mulla

Name: Abdullah Al-Mulla Age: 22 Profession: Medical Engineering Student
Country of Residence: UK Ethnic Background: Middle Eastern
Describe yourself in one line: "The weather is always beautiful, it's just different" (St. Francis of Assisi)
A fun fact about yourself: Growing up I was dubbed king of videogames by my family and friends due to my obsession.
Hobbies: Rugby, reading on faith, morality and libertarianism, attending theatre for plays/musics/standup comedy, and religion and faith in general.
Share some of your greatest achievements: Set up first interfaith committee on my campus; organize the first ever joint event with Islamic and Jewish communities on Holocaust Memorial Day on Albanian Muslims saving Jews.
What inspires you? Human kindness, ability of human progression without the use of aggression, timeless greats whom messages translates from their time to present day, and God's love.
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? "Whoever exercises humility for God's sake, God will raise him up" - Prophet Muhammed.
**

Ollie

Name: Ollie Age: 28 Profession: Writer & Techpreneur
Country of Residence: Indonesia Ethnic Background: Javanese
Describe yourself in one line: I'm a 'mechanical right' girl. I use my creative (right) brain, mechanically.
A fun fact about yourself: I'm a very spontaneous type of person. If I get an idea, I act on it.
Hobbies: Reading, writing, traveling and social work.
Share some of your greatest achievements: I am named as one of the top 10 women in Indonesia IT world by InfoKomputer Magazine. I wrote more than 20 books since 2005.
What inspires you? People and their lives inspire me, which is why I follow more than 5,000 people on Twitter.
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? Identify your passion. Network and collaborate with like-minded people. Set specific timelines/deadlines. Start small and don't wait for things to be perfect because perfection is a journey and the right time is always NOW.
**

Rami Mohsen

Name: Rami Mohsen Age: 31 Profession: Production Director for Nile Radio Productions (Nogoum and Nile FM)
Country of Residence: Egypt Ethnic Background: Middle Eastern
Describe yourself in one line: If I'll trash talk you, it will be to your face, never your back. I also seek perfection.
A fun fact about yourself: I love coloring books and I talk to myself.
Hobbies: Photography, IT and technology, gadgets and I'm an Apple geek.
Share some of your greatest achievements: I went to a public school. I taught myself how to read/write/speak English by watching subtitles in movies and songs. I aslo self-taught myself photography, music, IT through the Internet.
What inspires you? Success and a challenge inspire me. People that make something of themselves with very limited resources.
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? You have to know with the right amount of effort, you may achieve anything you want. I know this sounds cliche, but it's true. You are what you make yourself.

Angy ElKhatib

Name: Angy ElKhatib Age: 21 Profession: Student Athletic Trainer
Country of Residence: U.S. Ethnic Background: Lebanese, Egyptian, Jedi Knight
Describe yourself in one line: I am the ultimate cupcake enthusiast
A fun fact about yourself: My conscience sounds a lot like Mufasa
Hobbies: Baking, sewing, playing soccer, weight lifting, running, ambassador with Soccer Without Borders, Vice-President of Marshall University Muslim Student Association.
Share some of your greatest achievements: My greatest achievement has yet to be achieved.
What inspires you? Everything the light touches.
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? Find joy in the love of what you're trying to achieve, rather than the achievement itself.
**

Legatus Vulcan

Name: Legatus Vulcan Age: 18 Profession: Student
Country of Residence: UK Ethnic Background: Pakistani
Describe yourself in one line: Extremely unorthodox and a maniac Warlock Vatican Elf Assassin for the Ponies Exists Society
A fun fact about yourself: I like to draw pretty pictures on my chest or legs with colorful markers
Hobbies: Cricket, sprinting and perfecting the art of rollie pollies
Share some of your greatest achievements: Greatest achievement is getting accepted to Uni and the course I chose. I've been an unorthodox learner and no one believed I was capable of getting into Uni. I've dedicated most of my time on a project that will serve as redevelopment to rural parts of Pakistan. This is becoming what I live for these days.
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? Never too young or old to start anything, you first have to begin with drafting up a plan, state your goals and then just research, write and repeat. Remember, not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.
**

Aya Khalil

Name: Aya Khalil Age: 24 Profession: Journalist and teacher
Country of Residence: U.S. Ethnic Background: Egyptian
Describe yourself in one line: I am optimistic and enthusiastic but I value my sleep.
A fun fact about yourself: Over 150 articles and counting www.ayakhalil.blogspot.com
Hobbies: Writing, reading, Youtube, Google, traveling, blogging, and (occasionally) baking.
Share some of your greatest achievements: Just the fact that I can make a difference in people's lives with my careers: teaching and writing. One article can positively change a reader's view about a certain topic. One student can learn a lesson from you and cherish it for the rest of his life.
What inspires you? People who fight for freedom and stand up on behalf of those who don't have a voice; and people who make a difference in their communities; and my parents.
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? Many Muslim women at the time of the prophet were powerful and achieved great things. They took part in battles (read about Nusaiba bint K'ab Al-Maziniyah and Saffiyah). They were strong businesswomen (Prophet Muhammad's wife, Khadija). They were doctors (Rufaida al-Aslamiya). Take these amazing women as role models - follow your dreams and make a difference in your community!
**

Shawna Ainslie

Name: Shawna Ainslie Age: 30 Profession: Full-time parent, some-time writer
Country of Residence: U.S. Ethnic Background: Lebanese American
Describe yourself in one line: I am a meditating, Muslim, mama and earth goddess on a path of rediscovery
A fun fact about yourself: I am on a path of a Shambhala warrior
Hobbies: Reiki energy work (I'm Level II certified), crochet, reading, writing, yoga and meditation
Share some of your greatest achievements: For years, I lived ashamed of my gender, my sexuality, my anatomy, myself, constant fear and self-loathing. This culminated in postpartum depression after the birth of my second child. With my husband's help, I've scaled the wall out of the trenches. I'm confident and happy with the new discoveries I've been making in my life, especially with regards to meditation.

The lowest low was my realization that every practice I followed was not about Islam or God. I was putting on what my husband and I call "The Islam Show." My highest high has been discovering what God means to me, and realizing that every person does have an image of God, and that those images are fueled by culture and expectation. Once I faced the truth, the fear and self-loathing fell away. Honesty came in its place, and with honesty, came compassion for all beings great and small. Even those who will no doubt 'judge' me because what I've said here will conflict with their expectations of "Muslim."

Also, my children and I have made it through many difficult days that included titanic personality clashes, in fact, I should crochet myself a ribbon for every one of those.
What inspires you? My Children's endless imaginations.
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? You are wonderful, keep it up!
**

Hamza Flanagan

Name: Hamza Flanagan Age: 22 Profession: Recent college graduate
Country of Residence: U.S. Ethnic Background: Irish, Italian, Scottish, English...
Describe yourself in one line: I am equal parts touchy liberal and crude humorist; if that doesn't make sense and seems contradictory, then were on the same page.
A fun fact about yourself: I've been told that I'm funny and, more specifically, good at doing impressions.
Hobbies: I am a huge film buff, and as such, I enjoy watching and talking about movies. I've become a real huge fan of Hindi movies. I like to do fun things with friends such have lengthy discussions about topics, going to Six Flags and eating at a nice restaurant.
Share some of your greatest achievements: I am proud of the fact that I graduated college. Although in this current world a masters is required to go somewhere, I worked nonetheless and faced all adversity with strength and determination. I'm also proud that I think for my myself, which I don't think the Muslim community has enough of nowadays.
What inspires you? Close friends I wouldn't trade for anything.
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? Don't ever be afraid of not being good enough. You can be yourself and have a profound effect on the world. Don't let anyone talk down to you or tell you to suppress your identity in order to 'make it.'
**

Amira Shourbaji

Name: Amira Shourbaji Age: 29 Profession: Elementary teacher and Doctoral student
Country of Residence: U.S. Ethnic Background: Egyptian
Describe yourself in one line: If I want something bad enough, I will pursue it until I get it. I'm also addicted to coffee.
A fun fact about yourself: I lift weights and I'm pretty strong for a lady
Hobbies: baking, working out, avid reading
Share some of your greatest achievements: I got married at 18 and a freshman in college. I had my first daughter when I was 22. Despite this fact and with the help of a supportive spouse and family, I was able to finish my Bachelor's and M.A. in Education. I have recently enrolled in a doctoral program. I am researching multicultural and diversity in Education. I am focusing on the Arab American perspective.
What inspires you? Most inspired by those that defy all odds and work hard to achieve their goals.
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? Sometimes in the Arab/Muslim culture women are made to feel as if you must choose between a career/school and a husband and kids. This isn't true. I've known many amazing women who were able to do it all and win. Don't let anyone stop you!
**

Dawud Walid

Name: Dawud Walid Age: 39 Profession: Executive Director of the Michigan chapter of the Council on American-Islamic Relations
Country of Residence: U.S. Ethnic Background: African American
Describe yourself in one line: I'm a wannabe cool guy, who is simply a nerd in reality.
A fun fact about yourself: I have traveled to sixteen different countries in which I found Mali to have the most hospitable citizens of them all despite being the poorest I've visited.
Hobbies: I like watching basketball and football, reading non-fictional works and traveling.
Share some of your greatest achievements: I have made Hajj (pilgrimage) twice as well as visiting Prophet Muhammad's mosque twice. I participated in a panel discussion on faith and politics in 2007 at Harvad University. I spoke twice at the Malian Peace and Tolerance Conference in Bamako, Mali; and gave presentations twice including one with the Reverend Jesse Jackson at the Congressional Black Caucus (CBC) Legislative conference.
What inspires you? I am inspired by the lives of those who have and continue to strive toward excellence despite roadblocks and adversities.
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? Strive to please the Creator and not people because despite your best efforts, you will never please everyone, even those whom you consider to be honorable.
**

Amber Majid

Name: Amber Majid Age: 22 Profession: Student
Country of Residence: U.S. Ethnic Background: Pakistani
Describe yourself in one line: I want to travel the world without any regard for my "responsibilities"
A fun fact about yourself: I watch way too much TV and often dream about people I've never met.
Hobbies: writing poetry, fiction, and non-fiction, daydreaming, watching really good TV shows, painting, photography, and planning trips around the world.
Share some of your greatest achievements: I'm a mentor and teacher for PeaceJam Foundation for high school and middle school students. I am a student conduct board member for the Dean of Students Office. I graduated high school with two diplomas; I am going to graduate college with two more!
What inspires you? Genuinely kind people, Jalaluddin Rumi and my father
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? Our faith is not ever supposed to weigh heavy on our shoulders. God looks at our intentions. Think positive and positivity will come to you.
**

Yasmin Gamal

Name: Yasmin Gamal Age: 30 Profession: I am on maternity leave (3.5 years) from being a software business analyst but now I design knitwear.
Country of Residence: Kuwait Ethnic Background: Middle Eastern
Describe yourself in one line: Caffeine powered craft loving geek
A fun fact about yourself: I am always scared of finding a dead chick when I crack eggs.
Hobbies: I make stuff, read books, and take lots of pictures of random things.
Share some of your greatest achievements:I am proud of my family, my daughter, my career switch, finding myself and facing my fears. Whenever I take ownership of my feelings and issues I feel proud. I feel proud that i am not a blind follower.
What inspires you? The women in my family are an inspiration. Some have amazing careers and some have chosen to stay at home and raise their children. They are all loud, strong, opinionated and interesting women! My all time favorite quote: "I have something more important than courage, patience!"
Brief advice to Muslims on achieving great things? You can't slow life down but you can slow yourself down. Don't just take advice at face value. Wether you are a career woman or stay-at-home mom, you are a person. Take time off for yourself. Take charge of your faith and be critical rather than accepting what people preach, go to the source! Remember to at least stop for a moment look at the universe and marvel at its beauty.
**

A special thanks to all the interviewees.

Sexual Abuse in the Muslim Community: Let's Talk

2011-10-31T19:52:00.005-05:00

These are the stories of victims of sexual abuse in the Muslim community. By no means does this mean abuse is a greater problem in the Muslim community compared to the community at large; however, as Muslims it's time we stopped denying that sexual abuse occurs, and that it NEEDS to be addressed openly in the context of Islam and Muslims. The purpose of this project is as follows:

Create a safe space where individuals (victims) or potential victims may share their experiences and frustrations
Create awareness among parents, educators and children
Create dialogue specific to muslim culture and thought pertaining to sexual abuse in the community
Highlight the crucial need for Muslim leadership and Islamic jurists/scholars/Imams/Sheikhs to take an active role to denounce sexual abuse within an Islamic context in the form of books, lectures, seminars, etc.
Eradicate the stigma behind being sexually abused
Moving the blame on the abuser rather than the victim
Demonstrating that sexual predators are sick individuals in dire need for mental health treatment.
Coming up with potential solutions/models to treat and prevent sexual abuse in the Muslim community

Please take a minute to read below what the victims of sexual abuse in the Muslim community had to share.

Age: 24 Gender: Male Location: North Africa

What age did this occur? 9 or 10 years old.

Description of abuse? I'll pass.

Abuser? An older teammate in my soccer academy

How long did it occur? Twice a week for three months.

How did it end? My family moved to a different area and I no longer went to that soccer arena. I didn't inform anyone.

Any legal ramifications? Nope

How does the abuse affect you presently? I don't know if it's the reason but my flirting confidence is zero. Even though I don't feel attracted to men, that memory/experience keep urging me towards bi-curiosity. I always feel like I can only be the bottom (submissive) in any future relationships.

How has it affected your intimate relationships? I broke up with my fiancee because I couldn't tell her about it. Also, when we were getting closer to the wedding I had some doubts about my sexual orientation.

What form of treatment did you follow after the abuse? None

Talk to your children about sexual abuse as early as possible. Try to have this trustworthy close friend who you can vent to because holding in is the worst thing you can do to yourself.

Age: 19 Gender: Female Location: U.K.

What age did this occur? 16 years old.

Description of abuse? He pinned me down and threatened to kill me if I screamed - and he raped me.

Abuser? A former partner

How long did it occur? Once

How did it end? Who did you inform? My friend.

Any legal ramifications? Nope

How does the abuse affect you presently? I have periods of nightmares and flashbacks.

How has it affected your intimate relationships? Yes, I used to have flashbacks while being intimate with my current partner in the early stages of our relationship but my partner doesn't know what happened so I just get on with it.

What form of treatment did you follow after the abuse? I have been taking antidepressents for the last 3 years.

Sexual abuse happens, we need to let our community know it's okay to speak up and not suffer in silence. We need to offer victims support and understand without judgments.

Age: 36 Gender: Male Location: North America

What age did this occur? 3rd grade

Description of abuse? A man fondled me and made me fondle him back.

Abuser? Quran teacher/Muathin

How long did it occur? On and off for a few months

How did it end? Who did you inform? My family stopped attending that mosque. We went later to the mosque by chance and the same man asked to "give me something" and then he took me in a private room and asked me to fondle him. Later that evening I informed my father of what happened and he just said: "You won't see him again."

Any legal ramifications? Nope

How does the abuse affect you presently? It doesn't as far as I can tell.

How has it affected your intimate relationships? Nope.

What form of treatment did you follow after the abuse? None

People/teachers should not be left unsupervised with children in private settings.

Age: 24 Gender: Female Location: Australia

What age did this occur? 4 to the age of 7.

Description of abuse? It was mostly a lot of touching in private parts and being made to touch private parts. Being asked to take my clothes off and being fingered.

Abuser? 3 different people, all of them were relatives, older cousins. One of them male and 2 of them female.

How long did it occur? A couple of years, but as far as I know none of them were aware that the others were also doing that to me. Although I was really young, so maybe they did, but I don't think so.

How did it end? Who did you inform? I don't know how it ended, I just know that it did. I think as I got older, I stopped being alone with them. I once confronted one of the female cousins. I wrote her a letter in green pencil, I don't know why the colour of the pencil is so important but I do remember that. Anyway, I wrote her a letter telling her I'd tell someone about the "sex." I guess I knew what she was doing but I felt really ashamed to have been a part of it and never told anybody until I was 23 and then I went and saw a psychologist about it.

Any legal ramifications? Nope

How does the abuse affect you presently? I've learned to deal with it. But for a long time it was a source of shame. And I felt like I was never pure. Since in Islam we are so obsessed with virginal, I've always felt I would never achieve a very high religious status. I mean technically I lost my virginity before I even went to school. It also took me a long time to realize my heightened sexuality as a teenager was probably related to sex. I've learnt to accept this part of my sexual history; however, I'm no longer ashamed. I didn't ask for this to happen to me nor did I consent. I do try very hard to always be in control in any type of situation because it's important I am in control of my body.

How has it affected your intimate relationships? I would say it had but it wasn't the abuse on its own. It was also the cultural and religious stigma attached to the abuse. I always felt like such a slut, and being introduced to sex at such a young age means you're slightly more promiscuous as an adult. It always made me feel easy and cheap. My sexual desires were associated with shame. I can't have sex with anybody I'm not involved in a relationship with because I feel like that's an invasion of my privacy. And even people I'm committed to, there are times when I don't feel comfortable being intimate.

What form of treatment did you follow after the abuse? I went to see a therapist.

It's not your fault and you are NOT dirty because it happened to you. Have the courage to come forward and tell somebody because it really helps. And don't carry the burden of forgiveness on your own. In time, you might forgive the person/people who did this to you, but that's not your primary concern, your primary concern should be you and your coping.

Age: 28 Gender: Female Location: North America

What age did this occur? 10-11 years old

Description of abuse? It was in the form of molestation - groping and rubbing of my chest inside my clothing and legs along with comments. I remember he said: "there's nothing here, huh?" when he put his hand down my shirt.

Abuser? The Quran teacher who taught my brother and I at our home

How long did it occur? A few months

How did it end? Who did you inform? My grandmother took over teaching us Quran when she moved in with us, so we didn't need the teacher any longer. I did not inform anyone. I was afraid of him, as he was the type who would bring a stick with him when teaching and hit you on the back of the hand when you made mistakes. He taunted me for wearing t-shirts and told other students (who were family friends of course) about my "inappropriateness." I think telling on him would get him in trouble. Once or twice I pretended to be sick when he came over for lessons and hid upstairs. He told my mom that he thought I was just being lazy and not willing to read Quran. I got in trouble from my mom for this.

Any legal ramifications? Nope

How does the abuse affect you presently? I am very guarded with new people and take a long time to open up to people or be intimate. Because of what happened and unlike some people I've encountered in the Muslim community, I don't believe that because you are deemed to be a more pious person that you are incapable of terrible things. I am overprotective of my siblings as a result.

How has it affected your intimate relationships? Not a great deal, but I caught myself thinking about the abuse when I met my current partner and found myself unwilling to open up to him or be intimate, thinking: "he could have another side." It took me some time to trust him completely.

What form of treatment did you follow after the abuse? I didn't follow any formal type of treatment. I didn't tell anyone so it stayed buried inside of me. Although I started writing in journals as a teenager and found that to be therapeutic.

It happens. Whether Imam, a teacher, a parent or relative, underneath those titles they are all people capable of dark things. That does not mean that you ought to be suspicious of everyone, but that you should talk to your children . Explain what sexual abuse is and its different forms. Tell them that no matter who the person is, if they are doing something that seems wrong, they should tell you and that it is never their fault. That they will always be supported and believed. By ignoring abuse you allow more victims to suffer.

Age: 22 Gender: Female Location: North America

What age did this occur? 13

Description of abuse? Touched in all private areas and forced to engage in acts that simulated sexual activity.

Abuser? Uncle

How long did it occur? Once

How did it end? Who did you inform? It never happened again. I informed a cousin of mine who was 2 years older than me - and to my horror - she had been through the same thing with this particular relative.

Any legal ramifications? Nope

How does the abuse affect you presently? Since that time it has made me very untrusting of men in general. I get really nervous being in confined spaces with a male since I won't have control over the situation.

How has it affected your intimate relationships? I am not in one because I am in fear that something like that would happen again.

What form of treatment did you follow after the abuse? None

Age: 17 Gender: Female Location: North America

What age did this occur? 6

Description of abuse? I was sitting on the couch watching TV and he sat next to me. He started touching my back, stroking my hair, and hugging me. He suddenly wrapped his hands around me and started to rub down there. I started to squirm and told him to stop and that I didn't like it. He ignored me and tried to come on top of me, but I threw myself off the couch while he was moving on top of me. I then ran out of the house and ran to my aunt's across the street.

Abuser? Uncle

How long did it occur? 8 months

How did it end? Who did you inform? When the last incident occurred, I let my mom and aunt know what happened. I found out later on that uncle's brothers took him to a nearby forest and gave him a good beating. My other aunties comforted me and assured me that I wouldn't be seeing him for a while.

Any legal ramifications? Nope, my family handled it.

How does the abuse affect you presently? I feel disgusted and distrustful toward men, especially older men who visit my family's home.

How has it affected your intimate relationships? Never had one.

What form of treatment did you follow after the abuse? None

I wanted to share this because I know many stories will talk about how their family shoved the issue aside due to their culture. I wanted to show at least one example of a Muslim family that DID do something about the abuse. Although the Somali culture is just as shy about it and don't wish to dishonor their family and tribe, my family did stand up and deal with the abuser!

Age: 30s Gender: Female Location: India

What age did this occur? 8-9 years old

Description of abuse? One day when giving me a math lesson, he started touching my inner thighs and then slowly my panties. I got shocked and tried to run, but he grabbed a hold of me and threatened to beat me. He used to beat my older brother. I pretended that I died and I could not feel anything. The innocent bubbly girl that I was died that day. That night, I went to bath and washed my body many times. I became shy. I started being careful about being alone with him. Then he became bolder and would ask me to touch his penis and help him masturbate. It was very hard to escape because he threatened to kill the whole family. I would gag when I masturbated him.

Abuser? Uncle

How long did it occur? N/A

How did it end? Who did you inform? We moved to a bigger house and it was easier for me to hide from him.

Any legal ramifications? Nope.

How does the abuse affect you presently? I only made 5 close friends in my life and felt very insecure and isolated.

How has it affected your intimate relationships? When I got married, the very thought of having sex terrified me. Since my husband was a doctor like me, I gathered the courage to tell him that I've been abused. Even now I will never touch my husband's private parts. He gets angry but whenever I try, I gag.

What form of treatment did you follow after the abuse? None

Now I have an 8 year old and I always tell her to let me know if anyone touches her inappropriately. I am always on alert if any young girl or boy suddenly withdraws. I hope my experiences will help prevent abuse at least in the next generation of children.

**

Age: 32 Gender: Female Location: North America

What age did this occur? 5-11 years old

Description of abuse? Caressing, fondling, kissing, touching, groping and masturbation.

Abuser? Father and other male relatives (I also witnessed the abuse done to my siblings, cousins, neighbors' kids, friends' kids, etc.). I also experienced sexual harassment in public places and in public transportation in the Middle East.

How long did it occur? 6 years

How did it end? Who did you inform? I got better at protecting myself and siblings: locking myself up in the room or bathroom for extended periods of time, avoiding hm, etc. I never told anyone! I think everyone knew it was happening but no one dared speak up or do anything about it. My father was also a wife beater, so I worried he'll kill my mother.

Any legal ramifications? No, I wish.

How does the abuse affect you presently? I have several issues as a result of the abuse: distrusting men, paranoia, introversion, feelings of shame and guilt. I'm also suffering from depression, anxiety, OCD and other unexplained health problems.

How has it affected your intimate relationships? A great deal. I have an understanding and patient husband, but he has to put up with my behavioral, mental and sexual issues. It is an on-going struggle to maintain our relationship. It has also affected my parenting: I worry too much about my children, especially the girls. I don't let them out of my sight and never stop worrying even with family.

What form of treatment did you follow after the abuse? Therapy, antidepressants, medications and workshops.

It's time to address the issue of sexual abuse, especially that it happens behind closed doors and is forever silenced. It doesn't help that so many Muslims deny that this problem exists, let alone the lack of methods, resources, etc. to address this issue and prevent it. Even when it's touched upon, it's addressed shyly. I have yet to hear or read anything addressing incest in the Muslim community. Even religious people may be abusers. Mental disorders can affect anyone regardless to the level of their religiosity - and if left untreated - they affect everyone surrounding that person. Sexual abuse ruins generations of people, as a result societies, not just individuals.

**
A special thanks to all the brave individuals who shared their stories non reluctantly. My deepest respects.

Good model in the UK by Alyas Karmani here.

Muslim Women's Sexual Behavior: A Survey

2011-10-16T01:09:00.013-05:00

Muslim women are often portrayed as passive beings with little control over their sexual behavior. Traditional Islamic literature focuses much on the needs and wants of men, but rarely do we hear about women and their sexual needs. Muslim men may fulfill their needs through licit means like marriage, plural marriage or concubinage (sex slavery). Muslim women aren't offered the same advantages, although modern day Islamic theology focuses on the rights of both the husband and wife. But the wife's sexual needs are rarely discussed, at least openly.

Many Hadeeths focus on the fulfillment of a man's sexual desires. For example, one of hadeeths dictate that a woman would be cursed by angels if she refuses to satisfy her husband on demand; and another encourages men to seek their wives when enticed by other women. These hadeeths only promote the phenomena that men have an insatiable sexual need and a woman's primary and ONLY role is to fulfill them even if not reciprocated. It's interesting to observe how modern day Muslim women have been conditioned in the name of religion to relate sexual behavior to pleasing and fulfilling a man's need rather than themselves. A good wife is taught to make herself available to her husband at all times; while a Muslim man can have multiple sexual partners (in the context of marriage or concubinage) and not address her needs as frequently.

The silence in traditional and even modern Islamic theology with regards to Muslim women's sexual behavior suggests a dismissive attitude toward its existence or negation of its importance all together.

The purpose of this projects was to learn about sexual behavior by modern Muslim women. It's important to understand that the survey questions might be offensive and contradictory to one's beliefs, but as Muslims we are diverse. The survey aims to encompass and mirror the diversity of Muslims and their habits pertaining to sexual behavior.

It's important to note, the results of this survey are limited in terms of the participants. I used social media primarily to recruit anonymous volunteers. A valid Twitter or email address was required to take the survey to ensure only Muslim females took part. In addition, the sample might be limited since women with sexual experiences are more likely to participate in such a survey. Indeed, this survey is NOT representative of all Muslim women, nor could it be qualified as scientific in any aspect.

Close to 70 women participated with this project anonymously. It's evident from the results that women, married or not, sexually experienced or not, do engage in sexual behavior in some shape or form. These findings debunk the common myth that Muslim women do not have sexual urges as men do! On the contrary, the survey demonstrates that women have strong sexual urges, opinions, needs and preferences!

The aggregated findings of the survey can be found here. Please note, the questions are sexual in nature and are not appropriate for all ages. Please be advised.

Thank you.

Chauvinist Training Camp

2011-10-02T10:41:00.034-05:00

I've been thinking about a new direction for my blog which would include occasional guest posts by some great minds in my life. Please help me welcome my friend Ahmed Samir to the list of guest authors on this blog.

Enjoy!
--
By Ahmed Samir

He reservedly walked in, Islamic studies book in hand, white beard neatly trimmed. His students hushed and took their seats. The lesson was marriage--specifically, marriage in Islamic teachings. Before him, were impressionable male high school sponges for him to mould ~~or destroy with filth beyond all recognition~~. Upon introducing the subject of the day’s lesson, he begins:

“Men are rational beings; women think with their hearts.”

It was the prologue to what was to be explained: men and women are unequal beings and - without doubt - men are the dominant breed. He improvised the entirety of the lesson, projecting onto his students his own mind, all the while he smiled genially.

In the manner of all perpetuators of dogma, he believed he was right. In his mind, all of what he said is the absolute truth, which cannot be contested and must be believed and followed. Agree with me and my impeccable opinion or have your Islam revoked! One freshly-made, extra-deplorable batch of male chauvinists coming right up!

He then read a passage aloud from a textbook, it read: “Men and women are equal in the eyes of God”. Then, barely a second later, he followed, “Ah! But only equal in their obligations! Women cannot be equal to men, can that even be? Can a man wear makeup?"In precluding the possibility of gender equality, he lies! He deliberately makes gender equality out to mean transgender behavior. He laughed, and so did quite a few of his students.

Young minds silently think: “Aha! So men are better than women? Equality is a myth?"

He then goes on to elaborate, making up a situation where a young man asks his father for a car, and the father sternly refuses. The young man approaches his mother with the same request, and though she cannot buy him the car - the man of the house has got to make that decision naturally - she comforts him and convinces him that his parents know what's best. According to my teacher, the mother uses her manipulative wicked womanly methods.

Young minds silently think: “Women are evil! True, my little sister is evil!"

Having captivated his audience, and had them nodding enthusiastically and hanging on his every word, he elucidates his point with another story. This time about the tribulations of marriage: (remember we are all teens here!

"A woman suspects infidelity. She spends her every waking moment obsessing over it. Her thoughts occupied by the tiniest of clues and in doing so acts like a petulant child and neglects her children and husband. Also, by distressing her husband, she deprived her children of emotional guidance. Because what else is a man if not the sole provider of emotional and character grounding in a family!"

He ends by saying:

"Had she disregarded the matter entirely, as she should have, the emotional trauma she caused her children and poor, well-meaning husband could have been avoided."

He then adds:

"A man should not, under any circumstance, commit the aforementioned disregarding. If a man suspects infidelity of his wife, he must act upon his suspicion at once, lest he tarnish his honour!"

Note the masterful painting of the man as the victim, while making the woman culpable, at fault!

Young minds think silently: “Wow, women are always at fault. It’s all their fault!”

All this, painfully, harks back to typical, uninspired methods of deprecation and belittling. In order to justify the theft of their land, and genocide, the Native Americans were made to look inferior. They were painted as lesser beings, ones who possessed a malicious, sinister soul, not that of Christ. Misogynists, it’s apparent, have taken a leaf out of their book. Their means to belittling women and satisfying their bloated egos is to make them inferior in society’s view. For when you belittle people, and your belittlement is acknowledged and accepted, any despicable acts you commit against them are tolerable, even commendable.

The message is simple: you’re inferior, I take your rights away.

In its own way, the man’s work is brilliant. He manages to instill a false sense of superiority in the young men, inoculate them with a false entitlement, and poison their heads with bigotry. He laid down the groundwork, knowing the rest will build itself. He lit the fire of sexism and stepped away because it will perpetuate on its own.

And then they grow up into indoctrinated, non-thinking, misogynistic chauvinists - and the cycle repeats.
--
Ahmed S. Samir lives in the United Arab Emirates and is a senior in high school with aspirations to become a writer one day. Sami enjoys writing fiction and non-fiction pieces for magazines. You may contact Sami at AhmedSamirSalama[at]yahoo[dot]com

Divorced Muslim Women Speak: A Roundtable (Part 2)

2011-09-27T15:33:00.154-05:00

Continued from Part 1.

What was the most challenging thing you experienced post the divorce?

Rasha: "The worst part of my divorce was not having anyone that I could speak to and get advice - either from a counseling perspective or from someone in my own shoes. Divorce is so taboo in our society that I kept most of my feelings to myself. For the first two years, I retreated into my own world - just took care of myself and my children. Learning to juggle all of life's duties especially with the kids - mainly alone - proved to be difficult. But alhamdulillah Allah has opened doors in so many ways."

Nancy: "Finances. The ex refuses to pay child support, and continued to abuse me until I discontinued visiting arrangements."

Heidi: "Showing strength so that my parents wouldn't collapse, accepting being labeled as previously married at a young age, announcing the news to my circle of people."

Anisa: "Not being in an intimate relationship."

Nisma: "The most challenging thing was getting over the breakdown of the marriage and the social stigma attached to it. I had to learn to rise above comments made and how people perceive me and live my life for myself."

Sonia: "Nothing prepares you for the pain of divorce. I think it is more painful than the death of a spouse -- but I've never experienced that, so perhaps I don't know. I think the most challenging thing in my case was accepting that this was the will of God, and remembering that God never gives us a challenge we can't handle -- and then trusting myself to handle it."

Angela: "I think the most challenging thing for me post divorce is really being honest with myself and the things that I want. The reason why is because he and I could have avoided a divorce by avoiding a marriage if he was honest with himself that "marriage" wasn't something that he wanted at the moment when he first pursued me! But because he wanted to live up to some image in the Muslim community among his Muslim friends he wanted to get married--- and HE CLEARLY wasn't ready to get married once we got married! I would have been cool if he and I dated for a long while before taking the step into marriage. I'm not of the opinion that dating translates into automatic sin.

I'm against people doing things that they truly are not ready for because of pressure, because they want to live up into an "image". To get where I am at right now, takes a lot of experience AND a lot of personal responsibility. I AM OKAY now with people speculating/assuming/gossiping about what I do because I've realized that I'm the only person that really knows what I do and only Allah (swt) knows the absolute truth. I don't have to live for these other people."

Carol: "For me was handling the transition from being with someone for the rest of my life to them not being apart of that plan anymore. I suffered deep depression post the divorce and didn't realize I was depressed although I was relieved to be away from his abuse. A failed marriage does affect your confidence and self-esteem. You always wonder if there was something you could have done to save the marriage from taking that turn. And the anxiety of being single at a much older age scared me, still does although it's been 6 years."

If you have children, were you granted full custody?

Rasha: "I have sole-custody."

Nancy: "There is no custody decree. The ex filed when I was pregnant, and never modified the filing."

Nisma: "I have full custody of my child, however I encouraged contact between with my ex as such, my child spends 2 nights a month with my ex."

Do you wish to remarry? If yes, please continue below. If No, please jump to question #20

The majority responded "Yes"

What do you think you will do differently the second time around?

Rasha: "I plan on spending more time with face-to-face interaction with potentials, getting to know his family and friends on a more personal level, and setting the ground rules from the very start. Items which have no negotiation will be laid out on the table so there is no confusion down the road. The second time around, I'll definitely think more with my brain than with my heart."

Nancy: "Be much more choosy, and take my time."

Anisa: "I am not perfect, I have learned from my mistakes. But Islam before anything else, making that a foundation for the marriage."

Nisma: "I will make sure that I stand up for the rights Islam has given me and to not be weak."

Angela: "Haha, my third. I think I would literally write down the marriage contract and not allow his "super-Muslim" self tell me "Well I am a Muslim therefore I wouldn't even DO that" when it came to concerns that I had. Meaning allow him to tell me that he wouldn't even do the "silly" things that I am afraid of him doing, therefore it shouldn't even entertain my mind. I would make a very clear contract with him. I also would go over what is and what isn't in the Quran about marriage. I also would seek a guy who wants interested in having a LOVER, a FRIEND and not just some woman he can now sleep with."

Carol: "I'd require we be in a relationship prior to a marriage. I'd like to get to know him on many levels by engaging in different activities in the community and get to know his friends and family. I'd also be honest about my opinions on marriage and my position as his wife. And most importantly I'd focus on my sexual needs and speak of them frankly without haya (shyness) because that's is important to me."

In your opinion, how has your 'divorced' label affected your future marriage prospects? Do you feel your choices of future prospects have been limited? If so, in what way?

Rasha: "Unfortunately, in the area that I live in, it's definitely cut my prospects to almost nil. Anytime there has been any talk of a prospect, as soon as my marital status is known, and especially when it's known that I have children, the prospects usually back off. Often times, the prospects will know all of this information, agree to communicate, and then never ever contact me. I've also noticed that most men in the Muslim community, even if they are single parents themselves, will prefer to marry a woman without children or a woman who has never married before. Being a step-parent doesn't seem to mesh well with Arab Muslim men."

Nancy: "There are men who are explicitly not interested in women who have been married before. But having a child seems to limit my prospects even more."

Anisa: "I feel it has affected. When people find out I’m divorced, they back out. Or some people only refer me to people that have been divorced themselves, no matter what their age."

Nisma: "The divorced label, along with the fact that I have a child, has severely limited my opportunities. From my friends, to my family, everybody is of the opinion that I will only be able to marry a fellow divorcee and that I should not expect a man who is single to want to marry me or take on the 'burden' of another man's child. I have been advised that I should go 'back home' to marry if I really want to."

Angela: "I haven't looked to get remarried yet. I'm fairly young and I own property so I don't think that it is the divorce part that will hurt me. I am expecting my first child though, so now I will be a single mother so of course that is going to exclude some people. But I'm fine with being a single mother. If I never marry again I will be okay, perfectly happy."

Carol: "Yes. Most people in my community refer older divorced men as potentials. Many of these men are either currently still in relationships or are looking to use my citizenship as a result of our marriage. My choices are limited and must exclude younger unmarried Muslim men."

Has anyone rejected you (marriage prospect) solely on the reason you are divorced? If so, please provide detail of the experience.

Rasha: "Yes. On 5 - 6 occasions, there has been interest shown from a prospect, whether directly or via a mutual friend. Agreement is made to begin communication. Then I never hear back. When the mutual party eventually asks the prospect why they haven't contacted me, the response: "well, she seems like an amazing woman but she's divorced and she has two children. I don't think I can be a 'step-parent.'"

Nancy: "Men have probably screened me out, as I make no secret about being divorced or having a child."

Anisa: "Yes. A brother once said that although he liked me, his parents are traditional and would not agree with the idea of marrying someone divorced."

Nisma: "The divorced label, along with the fact that I have a child, has severely limited my opportunities. From my friends, to my family, everybody is of the opinion that I will only be able to marry a fellow divorcee and that I should not expect a man who is single to want to marry me or take on the 'burden' of another mans child. I have been advised that I should go 'back home' to marry if I really want to."Angela: "I haven't looked to get remarried yet. I'm fairly young and I own property so I don't think that it is the divorce part that will hurt me. I am expecting my first child though, so now I will be a single mother so of course that is going to exclude some people. But I'm fine with being a single mother. If I never marry again I will be okay, perfectly happy."

Carol: "Yes. The different prospects liked me individually but their families rejected me solely based on being married before although it was a perfect fit."

Are marriage prospects open to raising children from your previous marriage?

Rasha: "The prospects that I have had so far - none have been willing."

Nancy: "Usually. They are often divorced themselves, and usually have at least one child."

Nisma: "In general, they are not, and if they are, they have stated that they would not interfere with my child's upbringing. I have not been agreeable to this as this would essentially exclude my child from the family."

How much of your marriage and divorce do you share with future prospects?

Rasha: "Honestly, I have never even gotten to the point to communicating with a prospect. The door always closes before it even opens."

Nancy: "I discuss the danger my ex presents, but that's about it."

Anisa: "I like to share the major details and let them know right at the beginning so that their will be no “surprises” in the future."

Nisma: "I don't share intimate details, unless asked, but I tell them what I believe is essential. Namely, the fact that i am divorced and why."

Angela: "I'm not going to share much at all."

Carol: "Very little. I think I own my past and I don't need to justify/defend it by any means. I do share that I was abused and why I stayed for so long in the marriage."

How do you plan to find your next husband? Online dating, family, work, university, etc.

Rasha: "I was hoping to meet my next husband in a social environment, via family, mutual friends, work, etc."

Nancy: "Online seems to be my best bet."

Anisa: "I’m using an online service at the moment, however through family/friends is the best way I feel."

Nisma: "As I am aware that my options are severly limited, I am open to all avenues."

Angela: "I can't even think of that. I'm not going to focus on finding a husband. I'm going to allow it to come when it wants to come on its on."

Carol: "I am open to anything, but I believe face-to-face interactions is a MUST."

If you've been in serious talks with a prospect, how has his family reacted to your marital status or having children? Have they embraced you or fought the marriage? Please be detailed.

Anisa: "One prospects family did not mind my being divorced, however the contact ended for other reasons. Another prospect really liked me, but again his mother did not like the idea of me being divorced but used other reasons to change her sons thinking i.e. my education, she(mother) cannot travel too far."

Nisma: "I am currently considering someone, but as he is aware that his family will create obstacles, he has put off telling his family until all steps have been taken and we are completely ready for the marriage to take place."

Carol: "They fought the marriage and ended everything without even attempting to get to know me or my family."

How does your family feel about you remarrying? Are they as involved as they were in your first marriage?

Rasha: "My family definitely supports my remarrying, but have really left it up to me to find my spouse."

Nancy: "They don't know I'm looking, and won't until I've a serious suitor."

Anisa: "My family is definitely involved, even more so now because we want to make sure we take the right steps. Someone who is religious is a priority."

Nisma: "My family are very encouraging and feel that it is very important for me to remarry to provide a stable family life for my child, however they are not at all involved and have essentially left me to my own devices."

Carol: "They encourage it and they aren't involved at all. They expect me to find someone on my own."

Finally, is there anything you would like to add from your personal experiences to help support other divorced Muslim women, please share below.

Rasha: "Divorce isn't the end of the world. Life goes on. Sometimes it's the best option for both parties involved. Often times, it's healthier for children to see two happy parents separately, than see two parents living together that have no interaction or happy times. The number one person to take care of, especially if you are a single mother, is yourself. You will be a better mother if you take care of yourself. You need to be healthy in order to take care of your children. Do whatever it takes to make sure you can stand on your own two feet. Even if means seeing a counselor. Counseling is so taboo in our Muslim communities - we really have to get over this challenge! Finally, never let other people's negative comments affect you. People will always judge you - whether you are married or not. Do what you think works best for you, not for others."

Nancy: "I get blamed for the abuse, infidelity, and the subsequent divorce. I want other Muslim divorcees to know that what their ex chose to do had little to do with them, even if the ex blames them. You may be his excuse, but not his reason, and chances are, if he's remarried, he's doing the same to his next wife."

Heidi: "I'd like to advise them not to be sad about it, tests are a must in this world, marriage if it's good it's wonderful, if it's awful, it's an experience."

Anisa: "One thing which definitely bothers me are mothers who are not willing to let their sons go. They still treat them as if they are a child. I feel if a young man feels he is ready to marry, then the parents should respect that and his decisions. I feel sometimes the parents come up with the strangest reasons to not have their son marry, even though he may be interested in the girl, but then in the end he feels he has to obey his parents in every way. There is a difference between obeying and respecting your parents, especially mothers."

Nisma: "I think that it is very important that women make sure that they are aware of all the rights that Islam provides for them in a marital setting and that they do not compromise these at any costs."

Sonia: "I can tell you about the things that have gotten me through this so far: prayer, reading, solitude, running, and trying to take care of myself. I'm pretty sure that everyone who gets married never imagines it ending in divorce. But it often does, I guess. I think the key is accepting that this is the path God has chosen for us. It is hard, but it is the hard things that in the end give us strength."

Angela: "I believe that divorced single women should find themselves before getting into another marriage. But please understand that being single does not mean "living in sin". There are many paths you can take in your journey of being single, you choose it. YOU be AWARE of your decisions. You know how there are men who aren't romantics, there are plenty of women out there who aren't either. Therefore evaluate what YOU need. Do you need a romance? Do you need a man? Do you even need sex? Do you need someone to help support you? What does YOUR FIRST NAME AND LAST NAME need? Stop letting other people tell you what is better for you when you know that it isn't even your issue."

Carol: "My only advice to divorced women is to stay strong and remember that marriage shouldn't be the only goal in one's life. Get to know yourself (inside and out), improve who you are financially, physically and emotionally. Don't worry, you'll remarry and be happy again. There are plenty of good people out there, just believe when the time is right it will happen."

[the end]

Special thanks to all the ladies who took the time to email their responses. You are examples of strong, articulate and leading Muslim women. A standing ovation to all of you.

Muslim Divorced Women Speak: A Roundtable (Part 1)

2011-09-25T16:05:00.001-05:00

As Western Muslims come to grips with their on-going struggle to establish an autonomous identity free from cultural carry-over from the East; battle Islamophobia; and create a unique brand of Islam specific to a Western life, they've managed to neglect a large portion of the community: divorced Muslim women.

We often hear about the importance of marriage and family in Islam, but rarely the issues of separation, divorce and life post a divorce within the Western context is discussed. Some of the obstacles faced by Muslim women in case of divorce: 1) The rigorous process of acquiring an Islamic divorce in the absence of any laws supporting the religious marriage in the Western world; 2) The challenge of raising a family as a single parent and subsequent financial obligations (alimony, child support, etc), especially if a civil marriage never took place; 3) Dealing with the stigma attached to being a divorcee trickled through 'back home' mentalities; 4) The inevitable search for a new Muslim husband willing to accept the woman's divorced label and children from the previous relationship if present.

It's important to note that as new generations of Muslims emerge within the Western world, the dissonance of Eastern and Western interpretation of Islam will only strengthen. The Muslim scholarship will need to scramble to address these issues to meet the Western Muslim population. Divorce was prevalent among the Prophet's companions, and even the Prophet himself married a divorcee. One might wonder when and where divorced women became 'used' and 'unwanted' commodities sold at a cheaper price?

The goal of this project is to empower divorced Muslim women and provide them with a forum to address their REAL anecdotal accounts as Muslim women in the Western world. I've interviewed 8 women for this project via email and have consent to publish their responses anonymously*. There remains much to be researched, analyzed, and changed respectively.

*Note: names have been changed to protect the privacy of the interviewees.
The Roundtable:

How long were you married?

Rasha: 6 years
Nancy: 22 months
Heidi: 40 days
Anisa: 2 months
Nisma: 3 years
Sonia: 6 years
Angela: 7 months
Carol: 3 years

How long have you been divorced?

Rasha: 5.5 years
Nancy: 2 years
Heidi: 32 months
Anisa: 2 years
Nisma: 1 year
Sonia: 4 months
Angela: 3 months
Carol: 6 years

Were you legally married according to your country's law (other than Islamic)?

Responses varied.

Do you have children?

Responses varied.

Without giving away personal details/identities of any parties involved, why do you think your marriage ended?

Rasha: "My ex-husband was unable to handle the responsibilities related to marriage - i.e. immature."

Heidi: "Erectile dysfunction, physical and emotional abuse."

Nancy: "He was abusive and unfaithful, and I refused to tolerate it."

Anisa: "The husband and his family were unwilling to work together and come up with solutions. The parents had more of a say in the process. The husband took a back seat."

Nisma: "The marriage ended because my ex and his family had a distorted and cultural view of the role of a wife/daughter in law by essentially keeping me locked in the marital home for 7 months. I was still looking to reconcile because I was pregnant but my ex husband flew to his country and remarried 2 days after my child was born.

Sonia: "I was abused."

Angela: "I believe my marriage ended because I feel like there is a culture of Muslim men who do not understand that a marriage involves a relationship and not just a contract. My husband was a man among these men. It was like everything in our marriage was a "transaction".

Carol: "My ex-husband physically, mentally and emotionally abused me in the name of Islam."

Was your family supportive of your divorce? If so, provide a few examples.

Rasha: "Initially, my family tried everything to make sure we made all attempts to salvage the marriage (positively of course). Unfortunately, the other party was not open for any sort of discussion, counseling, etc. So given that situation, my family decided to stand with me and offer all of the support they could."

Heidi: "Yes, they were alhamdulelah. They helped me to file for khul'a [divorce initiated by female]."

Nancy: "At first, they pressed me to return to him, but now, they've accepted it."

Anisa: "They were supportive throughout the whole process. We didn’t want it to end in a divorce, but in the end we knew that it was inevitable."

Nisma: "My family were incredibly supportive of my divorce and without them I probably would have never found the strength to ask my ex husband for a divorce. They encouraged me to ask and also told me not to go back and that they would support me in looking after my son."

Sonia: "Yes, my family did not question my decision at all, and they helped me to get the divorce."

Angela: "Yes. My family definitely knew that he and I had problems so when I moved back into their home, they were welcoming. I feel like his parents supported a divorce because elements of the contract--- which I would call "traditional expectations" were not being followed. So I feel like my family supported the divorce because they knew how frustrated I was that there wasn't a real relationship being built."

Carol: " Yes. In fact, my family were relieved that I was escaping his abuse and ill behavior."

What was the reaction of the community to your divorce? Were they in favor, indifferent or strongly against the divorce? Provide examples if applicable.

Rasha: "Most of the community, including myself, was in utter shock. Many thought of us as the "ideal couple" so when the news started spreading, there were lots of questions. I don't think anyone encouraged the divorce per se. Family friends made sure that I tried everything possible to make sure the decision wasn't regretted later. Some people however, made some insensitive comments. "I sure hope you were the one that left him, not him leaving you" - that was quite hurtful, especially when my husband left me for no apparent reason."

Nancy: "They were mostly indifferent. But some blamed me for not putting up with the abuse and infidelity."

Anisa: "They were supportive and said Allah swt has reasons for everything."

Nisma: "My community have very stereotypical views towards divorced women, and although they didn't have any opinion towards my divorce, other than being incredibly nosey as to the details, they have very negative and prejudiced views of me.

Some members have been strongly against the divorce, even though my ex husband had remarried and was living with his second wife (who was pregnant at the time) and a lady even made the effort to come to my place of work and try to convince me to not ask for a divorce and go back to him."

Sonia: "I've not really discussed the divorce with many people. My close friends have been very supportive. I don't think society in general is very accepting of divorce, and I personally believe it is a truly awful thing to do/experience. But, sometimes there is literally no choice. Often people make assumptions about the cause of the divorce, but fail to understand the amount of suffering involved."

Angela: "I am not involved in the community so I couldn't really say. I would say that we went to two counselors and they both agreed we should get divorced."

Carol: "Most people were shocked to learn of the abuse since I was successful at hiding all signs. I found that people who were more involved with the community - and religious - encouraged reconciliation, while folks away from the community celebrated the fact I left him and was FREE of abuse."
--

Te be continued in Part 2.

Eid Card Giveaway Winner

2011-08-22T10:09:00.000-05:00

*drumroll*

And the winner is: C!

Minted should contact you shortly with your prize.

Congrats and thank you everyone for participating and I hope you had a great Eid!

More giveaways to come. I promise!

*Winner was selected using random.org

Free Eid Card Giveaway

2011-08-11T18:17:00.002-05:00

*taps mic*

Anyone out there? How is everyone surviving their fast? I hope you are doing well and keeping hydrated. I also know for a fact that you've already started making your Eid plans for the end of this month. And because I love y'all so much, I have a free gift for my lovely readers: FREE PERSONALIZED EID CARDS.

Stop drooling.

Oh, wait? You dry. I get ya.

Years ago before we had an Eid Stamp and a reputation for dangerous things, Muslims in America had a tiny window of choices when it came to celebratory knickknacks for our holidays as did other faiths in America. We had to make our own Eid cards or stick to the random boring selection of blank greeting cards at our local store. We had to be discreet about our holiday because no one frankly cared about our business.

Fastforward to 2011 and--BAM--Muslims are being recognized more and more globally as an important consumer. Let's hope the next decade or two will make us even more included.

Minted asked me to review samples of their Eid cards. Let me tell you, I am SORTA BLOWN AWAY. As an amateur photographer, I regularly order prints, cards, etc online, and I am extremely impressed by the product Minted has produced for their Muslim consumer. The quality of print and paper is superb compared to their competitors.

I am impressed by the diversity of Eid card designs although I've only managed to order 5 of their many designs. The colors are vibrant and high quality. The card designs are sophisticated and complimentary to Islamic art and design. I also find their selection diverse enough to satisfy all tastes and ages.

Browsing their website is made easy, you select the card design you favor, upload a high quality photo, and are able to manipulate the photo and design from there. I received my package in 2 business days which makes it ideal for last minute shopping. Although this review is focused on their Eid card selection, I encourage you to explore the rest of their site.

Minted have agreed to host a Eid Card giveaway on this blog. They've been very generous with their gift and they'll send one lucky reader a $100 gift certificate to spend on Eid cards selection.

So what do you have to do?

Leave a comment below with a valid email address and you'll automatically be considered for the giveaway. One lucky reader will be randomly selected and notified via email. Bam! Free Eid presents for all. Here is what you need to know about international shipping.

Start: August 11, 2011
End: August 21, 2011 at Midnight EST

That's it.

Happy?

You may return to fantasizing about food.

And, Ramadan Mubarak :)

Preparing Poultry Egyptian Style

2011-08-06T11:40:00.000-05:00

My mother never taught me how to cook, but she taught me one lesson about the kitchen: always properly prepare your poultry before cooking.

1) Take off the skin from your bird (optional). Paper towels seem to helps with the grip issue.
2) Sprinkle chicken with salt, vinegar and flour. Rub well
3) Rinse.

Begin the marinade.

Basic Egyptian recipe: minced onion, salt, pepper and some lemon juice. I like to add a splash of olive oil for good measure.

And then grill, boil or bake. It will be the best chicken you've ever had. I promise.

Enjoy :)

Ramadan Prep, 2011 Style

2011-07-23T06:55:00.002-05:00

Someone asked me the other day how I was preparing for the month of heartburn and overeating.

Lady: "Have you guys prepared for Ramadan yet?"
Me: "Of course, we bought everything edible at Costco last night, you?"
Lady: "I am doing all the cooking now so I have time to do more cooking during Ramadan."
Me: "Genius. Ramadan is all about the food! Too bad there is a famine in East Africa."
Lady: "I can relate, the Arab store was out of pickles. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?"
Me: "The horror."
Lady: "I am buying new clothes for Ramadan, you know, for all the weight gain."
Me: "Oh, I just unbutton my pants. No need to splurge, after all, it's the month of Taqwa."
Lady: "Well, it's just my husband and I, do you think $5000 is a good food budget, we still need to buy dates."
Me: "hmm. I'd invest in Tums, too."
Lady: "We can't eat leftovers during Ramadan."
Me: "Heck, no! Ew"
Lady: "Can't wait to read the Quran cover-to-cover--TWICE--during Ramadan. I am in competition with my friend. I like reading without understanding, makes me feel smarter."
Me: "Don't we all."
Lady: "Well, I gotta go, talk to you soon."

**

Let's bring back Ramadan, folks.

Lemony

2011-06-17T12:45:00.001-05:00

A Passive-Agressive Diary

2011-06-15T18:22:00.006-05:00

Are you ever in a position where someone drops you a comment and you later realize the comment was unprompted and maybe a little mean? Here are some of my recent encounters. What have been yours?

"Don't worry, I don't look good in white either."

"Anyone can pass your degree."

"Why are you so fat? You hardly eat."

"I was married with 3 kids at your age. Don't lose hope!"

"I feel bad for you, all those horrible things that happened to you on your trip, I guess that's why Islam prohibits women from traveling alone."

"I don't wear straps like you. That's just immodest."

"My daughter is just as fat as you. You remind me so much of her."

"You don't know what you are talking about because you are young and inexperienced."

"How could you stand wearing long-sleeves in this heat?"

"Thanks for the gift but you know I don't like jewelry boxes."

"Are you sure you want to eat that?"

"May God guide you."

"People who own dogs aren't clean."

"My husband likes skinny women only."

"Women are so jealous of my skinny figure."

"I don't get how some people live in the U.S. for years without becoming homeowners?"

Visiting Farms

2011-06-12T08:12:00.001-05:00

I love visiting farms on my free time.

Kale Chips

2011-06-02T19:20:00.002-05:00

New Project: Muslim Women with a 'Divorced' Label

2011-05-30T22:15:00.004-05:00

I've begun a project that targets Muslim women with a 'Divorced' label. This projects aims to capture the narrative of divorced Muslim women where they share their raw and organic experiences to the world. I have created a 21-question survey for the purpose of this project. I highly encourage anyone that fits the criteria to email me at organica59[at]gmail[dot]com. Please pass this on to your family and friends. I would like to include women of all ages and backgrounds!

Please note, all responses are confidential and anonymity will be guaranteed. Share away :)

Thanks for your help in advance.

Organica

From Seed

2011-05-27T12:14:00.006-05:00

The 'C' Word

2011-05-19T20:46:00.011-05:00

We had arranged to meet at the local bookstore which happened to be equidistant from our respective homes. I insisted to make the trip into her town, but she wouldn't have it. She didn't want to be treated any different. It was settled we would meet half way.

I was warned that she didn't look the same. She had lost a few pounds and clumps of hair. She asked again if I wished to meet and why not just cancel? Perhaps I had something better to do or more interesting people to meet this beautiful fall morning. She was good at being invisible, not wanted.

I was both anxious and excited. I rehearsed topics. I reminded myself not to ask, she'll share if she wants. I tried to rid the nagging thought, this might be our final meeting. Life is unfair they tell you, but I know God certainly isn't.

Have you ever bought a gift for a dying person?

She mentioned in our email exchange, her memory was slipping. Sometimes she forgot bills that needed to be paid, chemo appointments and her nieces' birthdays. I found a beautiful in-season journal that was small enough to fit in a bag and large enough to write extensive notes for memory.

She loved the gift but insisted I shouldn't have bothered. She was upset her sister bought a book she'd already read. She felt insulted.

She wasn't making sense. Anger was obvious on her face: "It's started in my lungs, then to my brains and now my abdomen."

"Want to grab hot chocolate from the cafe?" was my response. I didn't want to know the prognosis. I knew. The barista forgot whip cream on my hot chocolate. I was upset. Almost in tears.

I talked about my travels, my life, my friends, my interests, my shopping, my food, my future. But not the 'C' word for 90 minutes.

We concluded our meeting with promises to keep in touch, an embrace and maybe a joke. Relief rushed through my veins.

"I'll see you there" she squeezed my hand.

I nodded and whispered InshAllah.

What's for Dinner?

2011-05-04T17:09:00.002-05:00

Homemade Panini, originally uploaded by Organica-.

Rough Life

2011-04-24T19:44:00.002-05:00

Rough Life, originally uploaded by Organica-.

A Human Take on the Hijab

2011-04-15T09:29:00.006-05:00

*for the purpose of this post, hijab will mean all varieties of head coverings.

When I am asked why I wear the headscarf, I struggle to find a response I believe. It was only recently, during a reflective meeting, I realized my true answer to the question.

I do it for God. God alone.

I no longer subscribe to the classical Muslim rationale behind hijab: a piece of 'cloth' is enough to simmer down a man's attraction to a woman, and temptation to break a holy commandment. According to this school of thought, the burden falls on a woman to ensure order. A woman is blamed for misconduct and the man is portrayed as a helpless victim who is unable to restrain their inflamed desires [refer to 'Man Box' post by my friend Jehanzeb). One could argue, society as a whole has conditioned men and women into these measly roles - with very little room to break free.

The question remains: Does hijab preserve a woman's sexuality and offer protection from the testosterone-laden hungry wolves?

I would go with 'No.' Hijab doesn't protect women from being raped, sexually harassed and objectified [See current events: Egypt and other Muslim countries and their struggle with sexual harassment]. I received an alarming email from my university last night. A young woman walking late at night was close to being raped if it were not for a pedestrian who saved her. That could have been me. I park my car close to that area. My scarf would have not mattered: a rapist doesn't care about my scarf. If someone wishes to harm, they will.

When hijab is presented within the context of 'protecting one's sexuality' and 'ensuring order' it reduces a woman to a piece of meat or a helpless lamb who requires protection from the angry wolf. It blames the victim and enables, justifies, reinforces man's perverted sexual behavior to which women pay the price.

If you've ever been in the company of young Muslim men and women, you'll notice that the 'hijab' is never an obstacle or a barrier from having two people fall in love, feel attracted to one another or to have premarital sex! I, for one, express my fashion sense with my hijab. And, in some instances, my hijab reflects my sexuality, not conceal it.

If as Muslims we honestly reflect on how we argue 'for' hijab, we'll find that it's more of a symbol of piety but in no way reflects piety or offers protection from temptation.

The argument women when in hijab are no longer 'rated' by their body but their 'brain' is untrue. Muslim women (or men) are not immune to the pressures of modern society to fit in a certain mold. If you are a Muslim woman (in hijab) and you walk into a Muslim gathering, women and men will JUDGE you based on your looks, your body and how you are dressed. Women today are pressured to 'lighten' or 'darken' their skin; go on extraneous diets to lose mad amounts of weight; and, are expected to either 'tone down' or 'up' their fashion or dress choices.

Muslim or not; female or not, the pressure is on. It just looks different for the secular or religious. Women are 'screwed' either way, not even in the good way.

I am intrigued by how nuns live. Here are women who have chosen to 'marry' themselves to God (although He didn't ask it of them) and sacrifice one of the most fundamental functions of life: sex. I could never comprehend 'why?' What benefit was it to be celibate for life?

And one day it occurred to me, the nuns made their sacrifice for God, and God alone. They were not practicing their faith for man, but FOR GOD. And in so many ways, wearing the hijab in order to protect from man's lust goes against my monotheistic faith. My beliefs dictate that all my actions are done for God, to please Him alone.

My job as an equal human is not to curb anyone's sexual fervor, but to enhance my own faith and connections with God.

So the next time someone asks: "Why do you wear it?" I'll point to the sky and smile "For Him"

For those curious as to my position about hijab, this explains it nicely.

A Texan Wedding

2011-04-12T15:11:00.003-05:00

Hot Organic Salad

2011-04-05T20:38:00.004-05:00

Hot Organic Salad, originally uploaded by Organica-.

I had a friend over this weekend with no real plans for lunch, so I quickly defrosted organic chicken from the freezer, sauteed mushrooms with a little bit of olive oil/low-sodium chicken broth, chopped veggies and boiled pasta. In a matter of minutes, I created a little organic salad bar. It was an amazing first time and I am sure to repeat the hot salad and build-your-own idea.

Winners of Giveaway

2011-03-31T16:21:00.005-05:00

*drumroll*

1) Mona

2) Sumera

3) Abrabie

Winners, Congratulations!

please claim your prizes at organica59[at]gmail[dot]com (email valid mailing address)

Thank you for everyone who has joined! I am very excited for the next giveaway coming up soon. Stay tuned!

If you have any suggestions for fun giveaways, feel free to shoot me an email :)

So how did I decide on the winner?

1) First, entered emails on excel and assigned a number for each email (There is an easier way via excel formula but I failed)

2) Used random.org to select random numbers between 1-32

March Free Giveaway!

2011-03-18T20:07:00.008-05:00

Last summer when I was in London, I strolled into this store called 'Paperchase' (a.k.a heaven). The name rung a bell immediately, and I soon realized, it was the same company that had shops in the Borders Bookstores here in the United States. To my disappointment, I had very little time to browse the two-story shop since everything closes EARLY (like 6pm) in Europe. Maybe next time.

But don't feel too sorry for me. I spend 50% of my time in or around a Borders Bookstore. I love the place. I can read, use free Wifi, order super large complicated lattes with fancy toppings--and sometimes even splurge on a $5 bagel.

As part of my ritual when I enter a Borders, I directly head to the Paperchase store. I eyeball their sales and pick up good deals when possible. And on one of these trips, I picked up these lovely pencils/pens in fun Spring-like design for this raffle.

So, I would like to give away 3 of these pens (or pencils) to 3 lucky winners. So all you have to do is:

Leave a comment using a valid Email and you are instantly considered for the raffle.

-Winners will be selected using random.org

-Winners will receive 1 pen or pencil
-Will ship items (wherever you live) free of charge
-Deadline to enter? March 28 at 12 am (EST)

Cool?

Let's do this and Good luck!

(spread the word)

:)

When a Muslim Marries a Non-Muslim

2011-03-16T10:45:00.006-05:00

Years ago, I worked at a local Islamic center. My primary job was to answer phone calls, schedule appointments for the Imam and set up pre-marital counseling sessions. As you can imagine, my time at the Islamic center had exposed me to numerous instances of dissolved marriages, new marriages, long-term marriage conflicts and of course the big 'P' (polygamy).

At the time, I was no more than 18 and my views on Islam were extremely rigid. I would probably characterize my 18 year old self as my polar opposite today. One of the things I regret about my time at the Islamic center are how I handled some of the callers to our center.

One particular call haunts me to this very day. A gentleman called about marrying his fiance' and wanted to learn about the arrangements necessary for a marriage ceremony. He had hinted that he was not Muslim, but had great respect for his Muslim fiance' and would respect her faith. However, he did indicate that he had no intentions, at least presently, to convert himself.

My first reaction to this poor man (who was clearly madly in love) to shatter those dreams and tell him that his request was against Islamic teachings. He was not allowed to marry his fiance' and it will not be recognized by the Islamic faith. The man pleaded and I was just as rigid and firm as the beginning. I told him we couldn't help him (not my proudest moment, I admit).

I consulted with the Imam and he had assured that my response was accurate. There was nothing we could do for this couple. Our hands were tied by Islamic teachings.

I have no idea what happened to this couple, but I assume they went ahead with the marriage (civil ceremony) or perhaps had the fiancee' pretend to convert to Islam, so it would be officiated at a Mosque (this happens more often than the community would like to admit) and things return to normal post the wedding ceremony.

**
Through my studies and readings, I've come across the double standard (that is perceived as Islam): men are allowed to marry practicing monotheistic women (People of the Book); whereas women are excluded from this ruling. The rational is children take on the religion of the father, and assuming that the father is the head of the household, he'll have the last say on how the religion will be practiced as a family.

Personally, I accepted this point of view for a long time. However, I started questioning these rulings when I encountered interfaith marriages. I found men married to non-Muslim women were not LIKELY to produce Muslim kids, on the contrary, the kids adapted the mother's religion--which absolutely makes sense, given in most families children are mostly exposed to the mother and the mother's family. So ideally, you would want it to the be the other way around if you would choose the interfaith path.

I have little interest to begin a debate on whether Muslim women are allowed to marry non-Muslim men. You can come up with your own conclusions based on your readings. But from what I concluded, there is nothing in the Quran that explicitly prohibits women from marrying other monotheistic men.

Although there are particular verses (interpreted to be directed to men exclusively), that clearly prohibit men from marrying polytheistic women. They are--however--permitted marriage to the People of the Book (monotheistic women such as Christian and Jews) with a high emphasis on believing women (Muslim) as a top choice.

Some modern day scholars have concluded since there is no clear prohibition for Muslim women in the Quran to marry other monotheistic men (practicing Christians and Jews), they should be allowed the right to do so. In addition, the fact that God didn't state permission doesn't allude to prohibition either.

Mainstream scholars derived the prohibition because women were not addressed in aforementioned verses, thus the Quranic ruling was an exclusive right to Muslim men alone.

(I realize this is very confusing)

Whatever you believe, we should consider first and foremost what are the consequences of interreligious marriages.

1) What religion will the family practice?
2) Sure Islam and other Abrahamic religions share similar values, but there are some definitive differences that will need to be addressed at some point, especially when raising children.
3) In event of separation (termination of the marriage contract, along with the agreements that came with the marriage), what religion will the children be practicing?
4) If a non-Muslim parent receives full custody of the children, what guarantees they will raise their child Muslim?
5) If a person decides to enter an interfaith marriage, have they discussed how they plan to raise the children? Will they keep the same views after having the actual children?
6) What is happening in reality? Are the children remaining Muslim?
7) Is it a problem if children as a result of these marriage are not Muslim and choose the non-Muslim parent's religion?
8) Should the children be exposed to the non-Muslim parent's religion? Would that parent want to share their belief with their child?
9) Should children choose?

Food for thought and I would like to hear your thoughts.

Philadelphia Flower Show 2011

2011-03-12T07:58:00.003-05:00

I had a blast at the annual Philadelphia Flower Show. We were lucky enough to get free tickets as participating tree planters in our area. As well as a personalized tour by an arborist friend. This year's theme was 'Spring Time in Paris' and it was beautifully done. I think the star 'flowers' of the show were daffodils and tulips (both my least favorite). However, I did see a great number of orchids and roses on display! The only thing they were missing was an authentic crepe stand to finish off my evening in Paris...

Breath of Life

2011-03-03T20:04:00.006-05:00

I grew up in a household where freshly cut flowers were a staple. As a child, I was involved with arranging the vase, coordinating colors and replacing soiled water when necessary. I was always summoned to 'arrange' flowers for the family on special occasions.

In high school, I got a short-term gig at a local florist and loved every minute of it. But we moved, and I had to quit prematurely. Nevertheless, I still carry the habit around the house.

Recently, I found a local produce market close to my house. I spend less than $5 on a total of 3 bouquets that last up to a month with proper care. I like to sprinkle my arrangements all over the house, especially the kitchen where I cook. I find the house feels different; feels more homely with color.

All you need is a bunch of your favorite flowers, an Ikea glass cup for $0.49 and a piece of ribbon. I've also bought cheap vases from the dollar store and decorated with ribbons.

Valley Forge in the Fall

2011-02-25T23:12:00.002-05:00

Valley Forge in the Fall, originally uploaded by Organica-.

Rather calming day :)

The Many Burdens I Carry

2011-02-24T15:15:00.005-05:00

I highly disagree with statements such as "I am blind, I don't see color" or when people claim that my scarf or my olive skin doesn't make them in the least bit curious. Most of the time, at least where I live, people are quiet. They'll rather keep their curious thoughts to themselves in fear of coming off racist, too inquisitive and offensive. On the rare occasion, I'll meet a socially inept individual who has no issues bluntly inquiring about my race, culture or the cave I emerged from.

I am well aware that when I meet a novel person, they have a set of prejudices that I MUST prove wrong immediately. Although there is no rule that states 'I MUST' prove everyone wrong,' it becomes a personal burden to disprove, dismantle and erase these prejudices and replace with new facts. But it's proven to be a tricky and nerve-wrecking process.

Some have advised me to resort to humor whenever possible. So when approached about my origins I should make up a fake heritage for my amusement such as: "Oh, where I'm from, you ask? I'm part Irish, German, and Polish, yourself?" And go on until I confuse the heck out of the tactless individual, and have a good laugh on their expense.

Certainly, when someone meets me from the first time their assumptions can be true. Portions of my life consist of your typical Arab/Middle Eastern stereotypes. I happen to be Arab; I've lived in the Middle East; I don't eat red meat; I am familiar with Indian cuisine; I cover my hair in public; I speak Arabic; I can belly dance; I cook Middle Eastern food; English is not my parent's mother tongue; I have family abroad; I do have friends who are brown/olive skinned; and a few bearded/niqabi/hijabi/'ETHNIC' friends.

I recall my freshman year in college, my 'White' friends were shocked to hear me curse. "I never thought you were allowed to curse?!" or when I revealed to my high school teacher I planned to apply for college: "You are?" Or when I am asked about Afghani culture because we are all 'connected' somehow.

I won't lie and claim that I've grown used to these assumptions. On the contrary, I've grown rather annoyed and paranoid. The other day I received an email from a former professor. In the body of the email, there was a scholarship and research opportunity with enticing benefits. I was pleased the professor recalled who I was and made me this offer. As I reread the email, something caught my eye: the word 'minorities.' {Insert epicfail hashtag here}

To say the least, I was crushed. I've worked so hard all my life to make strides on my 'own' merit, not my skin color or what my genes have determined. Is equality too much to ask in 2011?

I've been spoken down to by people in my professional and personal life. Perhaps my paranoia have been played up by these past events, but I find them all difficult to be 'accidental.' When someone asks if I eat red meat (assuming I am Hindu)? or if my parents have already arranged my marriage? And how if I wear that 'thing' to show respect for my husband? And...the list goes on, I want to scream: LEAVE ME ALONE. I don't find myself wondering so much about my Caucasian friends' origins. Why are they worried about mine?

I will say though, it's fun to see people's perception of me as a person change. I shared with one of my counselors my anxiety over attending an event out of state with no other Muslim women in sight. The counselor's advice was simple: "When someone approaches you about your scarf, and questions why you wear it, simply say: 'I am so sorry, is it bothering you?' and walk away."

I feel much more empowered over the past year or so. I've grown more vocal; I've become better at quick comebacks and I've managed to turn ugly situations into funny ones. I've also grown to accept that I'll always be different, and that's okay.

P.S: In case you were wondering, I do take my scarf off in the shower.

Egyptian Freedom: February 11, 2011

2011-02-11T20:36:00.007-05:00

It's been a tense 18 days...

but it's over now.

Egypt is free. Mubarak is gone.

Congrats to all my fellow Egyptians!

Winners of the January Giveaway

2011-02-05T10:25:00.002-05:00

(I apologize for the delay)

Thank you to each and every one of you who have participated in the January giveaway. All of your entries were hilarious and I had to bring in a friend to help me judge. So here is our final selection:

1) Hum:

"I hope there's no traffic..."

2) Mezba

"Hmm the grass DOES look greener over there!"

3) Under Urooba's Umbrella

"Deer lord, I just passed grass."

Email me at Organica59[at]gmail[dot]com to claim your prizes! Congratulations to all our winners. Come back for February's giveaway :)

January Giveaway: Caption for Bambi

2011-01-22T09:06:00.007-05:00

I learned quickly last summer that not all people believe in the importance of proper hygiene. I was on a four hour train ride from Paris to Switzerland and the seat next to mine was occupied. I learned later that it belonged to a Frenchman who was traveling with his family. He had little interest in occupying the seat by me (to my relief), but it turns out he had plans to stand and hover over me with his arms up instead.

This would have not phased me if I was on a train in the U.S. or Canada, but Europeans don't believe in deodorant or air conditioning. So the Frenchman (with the most rancid combination of aftershave and BO) stood there for four hours undaunted by my attempts to spray him with Nicole's mini bottle of Lysol disinfectant spray.

Needless to say, it was a life lesson.

Ever since I've invested in large sums of money to find the perfect spray/disinfectant/sanitizer in event the summer of 2010 makes a come back.

I think I've finally located the PERFECT combination of hand sanitizer and room spray (at an affordable price). It's a little 2 oz. spray bottle from Bath and Body works that retails for about $4 a piece. I love the bottle because although they aren't meant to be room spray, they work like a charm! I've manged to spray 3 people in public so far. Totally works.

So here's your opportunity to try out spraying smelly people in public with an Market Apple Scent! I'm giving away 3 of my precious bottles of antibacterial spray.*

Here's what you need to do:

So for this giveaway (Yes! Giveaways will be a regular monthly thing, God-willing), I would like you to challenge yourself and come up with the funniest caption EVER!

The picture and the funniest caption will appear on the side bar of this blog and receive one bottle of spray.
The 2 runner-ups will receive a complimentary bottle of hand sanitizer.
One submission per household
Submit your captions in the comments section of this post
I will ship anywhere in the world
Deadline: January 28, 2010, Midnight EST

Good luck!

"What was Bambi thinking?"

How to Build a Ramp

2011-01-18T21:12:00.004-05:00

1) Buy your wood and screws; 2) Prepare tools and other things from geometry class
3) Cut your wood using a chop sew (follow safety practices at all times); 4) Check your design for accurate measure

5) Clean your surface; 7) Set up your base and tightly fasten to existing board
8) Fasten your board and use a spacer for accurate space between boards 7) Test out your ramp either by jumping or driving your tractor over it.

Survey Results: Muslim Women's Sexual Behavior

2011-01-16T01:07:00.015-05:00

PLEASE READ THIS INTRO FIRST BEFORE READING THE RESULTS.

1) Are you a Muslim female?

Yes: 100%

2) How do you define sexual behavior? (responses varied)

- "Anything that drive up your libido"
- "Any interaction between two people that involves feelings of mutual sexual desire"
- "In my opinion sexual behavior no only constitutes sex or any form of physical contact but also includes sexual behavior in the sense of flirting"
- "Anything related to the act of sex I guess"
- "Acts of masturbation, kissing, intimate hugs and anything further than that"
- "Activities that express sexuality and constitute sexual experience"

3) Have you had any sexual experiences?

Yes: 78%
No: 22%

4) Have you had any sexual experiences outside of the folds of marriage?

Yes: 59%
No: 41%

5) How have you engaged in sexual behavior?

6) How frequently do you engage in sexual behavior?

Daily: 10%
Weekly: 49%
Monthly: 20%
I don't engage in sexual behavior ever: 20%

7) As a Muslim woman, do you feel pressured to look/act sexy but at the same time are told you are forbidden to act the way you feel?

Strongly Agree: 12%
Agree: 42%
Disagree: 33%
Strongly Disagree: 12%

8) Have you engaged in homosexual behavior (sexual acts with the same gender)?

Yes: 22%
No: 78%

9) How did you learn about sex?

10) Would you speak to your current/prospective partner about your sexual needs/desires openly? If so, provide examples of how you've done so or plan to do so.

- "Not until we get the nikah [religious marriage ceremony]"
- "Yes, I would discuss it with a partner because I feel it is an integral part of relationships, I would not partake in premarital sex but you can't marry someone you're not sexually compatible with either so I believe we should discuss it beforehand, not in crude details but just extremes like fetishes or things like that"
- "Yes, I do all the time. Openly and honestly. Such as flirting or explicitly saying, 'I want to do this, at this time, at this certain place."
- "Yes, I plan on letting him know that I want sex for pleasure and not just sex to have kids."
- "Openly, no, maybe some hints."
- "Absolutely. We're married, therefore dependent on each other for sexual pleasure. To avoid either of us being deprived, we have to be able to speak openly about our needs."
- "No, I would not speak about my sexual desires to prospective partners before marriage. However, after marriage I think I would express my sexual desires in an effort to increase mutual pleasure."
- "I don't feel comfortable doing so although he is open with me and wants me to discuss it openly with him."

11) As a Muslim woman, if your partner is not satisfying your needs (sexually) with all that entails, what would you or wouldn't do about it?

- "I would let him know. Visit some non-pornographic sites to get some ideas."
- "Talk to him about it."
- "I would openly talk about it but not in a negative way. I would suggest new things I liked. I would lead him in a way that made him not feel inadequate because usually its not inadequacy, it's just not knowing because everyone is different."
- "I would try to make it more interesting and fun. I would suggest 'let's do this.." without trying to hurt their feelings."
- "I'm very open with my husband about what I like. We both agree that my needs come first, and he has to work to get it.."
- "Tell him or physically manipulate him into doing what I want him to do."
- "I wouldn't do anything about it. My sexual "expectations" are low since the topic is so taboo in the religion."
- "Guide him through what I need"
- "Nothing"
- "I'd tell him to take a pill"
- "Masturbate"
- "Well, that's a hard topic to open up. Not all men are open to such discussions."

12) Would you want to perform oral sex on your partner?

Yes: 72%
No: 28%

13)Would you want your partner to perform oral sex on you?

Yes: 81%
No: 19%

14) Would you want to engage in anal sex?

Yes: 8%
No: 92%

15) Have you ever used sex toys/porn to enhance your sexual experiences?

Yes: 45%
No: 55%

16) Share some of your non-conventional sexual desires.

- "Rough sex, group sex and public sex"
- "The idea of anal excites me and my partner but it's not particularly enjoyable in theory. Rough sex, being tied up, hair pulling, being in completely power. The idea with a woman incites sexual desire but it never translates in real life, I have never been attracted to a woman I've met."
- "Sex with strangers."
- "Role playing, especially where a man is in control."
- "Sex on the kitchen worktop."
- "Not applicable."
- "None."
- "Rough sex, BDSM, to some extend. Double penetration. Spanking."
- "I have a desire to be dominated (like he tells me what to do, or 'forces' me to do it in a certain way). I may like to try bondage (tying my hands and/or feet)."
- "I like to be slapped on the ass, a little roughness, hair pulling, watching him touch himself."
- "Haven't had any."
- "Besides the regular bi urge, I think regular sexual acts are fine with me."
- "To have sex with different men."

17) How has your culture/upbringing affected your views on sex?

- "That it's all about the man."
- "Culture/upbringing was strict and hush-hush about sex. But since small has found porn tapes/mags stashed away. Grew up with the idea that sex is interesting but something to keep quiet about."
- "It was something we never talked about."
- "Speak no evil, hear no evil."
- "I was always taught to stay away from men until marriage. That was all I felt toward sex really, no one ever said it was wrong or dirty. We never talked about it except once a very strange conversation about masturbation came up, like my parents suspected I was masturbating so were trying to educate me about it."
- "We didn't talk about it, but were told to do whatever we wanted to satisfy ourselves and partners within the confines of marriage."
- "It's a topic that's not spoken about until the day of a girls' wedding. Girls who speak or think of sex are shameless."
- "I was raised in a Western family therefore I wasn't exposed to restrictive cultural expectations about women."
- "My culture/upbringing has taught me that any form of sexual relationships are completely forbidden premarriage. The society...led me to behave in ways that go against my teachings."
- "I don't think it has any effect.."
- "My culture upbringing has made sex taboo and something you just don't talk about. There is an understanding that it happens but it is seriously frowned upon if a non-married woman engages in sexual activities."

18) Have you been sexually abused?

Yes: 23%
No: 77%

19) Define marital rape.

- "Basically rape but includes being raped by a husband or having an abusive husband that beats or emotionally abuses you that you would engage in sex with him out of fear."
- "Being married, and coerced into having sex with one party unwilling and without consent."
- "Any instance where one partner is forcibly trying to sexually engage the other while the other has stated his/her disinterest."
- "When a man forces himself on his wife against her will."
- "When a woman says no and the husband does it anyways."
- "It happens everyday in the Arab world, men penetrating women without her being ready. Or demanding sex when the woman is not in the mood causing pain!"
- "Penetration or forced oral sex without spouses consent."

20) How does a woman lose her virginity?

- "Some view losing virginity as any sort of penetration or even oral/dry sex but I think losing virginity is full-on penal/vaginal penetration. Aka traditional sex."
- "By first having sex. I do no believe in the hymen being a sign of one's virginity. Virginity is a state of mind."
- "I believe a woman loses her virginity whenever she feels she has lost it. For me, it was when I was first vaginally penetrated."
- "Sexual penetration."
- "By penetration from a man (sex). I don't know where I stand on fingers (his or hers) Not by riding a bike, nor using a tampon nor gymnastics."
- "Through sexual intercourse. That much is pretty obvious but it really upsets/scares/makes me angry how my family still thinks that you can lose it by using tampons. I've used tampons before without telling my mom and I am scared that in their view I've "lost my virginity." That's why I don't want to get married in case my future husband thinks in the same way (you know stupid test they do to see whatever you're a virgin or not, if you bleed on the sheets or whatever because your hymen gets broken)."
- "Penetration of any kind."
- "The first time she has complete sex. Full sex."
- "Well to be honest, what really comes to mind when I think of a virgin is someone who has never engaged in any sexual activity ever. She is still pure."
- "Any sexual activity."

21) Would you engage in phone sex with your partner?

Yes: 77%
No: 24%

22) Does the size of your partner's penis matter to you?

Yes: 41%
No: 59%

23) Do you feel masturbation is forbidden in Islam?

Yes: 45%
No: 56%

24) Do you ever orgasm through self-pleasure?

Yes: 72%
No: 28%

25) Do you ever orgasm with your partner?

Yes: 74%
No: 26%

26) Do you share your sexual experiences with friends/family?

Yes: 32%
No: 68%

27) Do you think your sexual needs as a woman are of equal importance to a man's needs?

Yes: 93%
No: 7%

28) How does your self-image (the way you view your body) affect your sexual behaviors? Explain

- "If I feel confident about my figure then I feel more confident in the bedroom with my partner."
- "When I am feeling self-conscious of how I look, I put in a little more effort to make myself to look better. But when that does not work, I get depressed *sigh*"
- "I am comfortable with my body and I like being admired by my husband. It doesn't bother me to have a sex with the lights on or to be naked with my husband."
- "I'm obese so I think this will greatly affect my sexual behavior."
- "When I feel good about my body, I feel sexier."
- "It has a huge impact. I need to feel sexy to enjoy sex, period. Whether that means working out on a regular basis to gain stamina or tone, or just wearing new lingerie. I need to feel sexy for me because my partner thinks I am sexiest in my sweatpants with my hair up."
- "The better a body looks, the more confident you become about speaking up with your partner about your sexual desires and needs."
- "In the beginning, I was self-conscious because I was overweight and although I was OK with that, I thought my husband might mind because some friends were pushing me to diet pre-marriage. However, my husband loved my body just the way it was and because of that, I am open to sexual behavior in a confident way."
- "I have really low self-esteem so I really hate the way I look. I get paranoid sometimes and think that everyone hates me because I look so ugly."
- "Feeling fat means I try to avoid him seeing me where I am least comfortable."
- "They don't affect my needs but definitely affect how confident I am to engage in activities."
- "Being overweight makes me feel unsexy in lingerie, even though my husband assures me otherwise."
- "I'm confident in life, so I think confident in getting my way in sex as well."
- "I am self-conscious about my weight, so it makes me feel that my partner won't find pleasure in me."

29) Does your partner's physical appearance matter to you?

Yes: 75%
No: 25%

30) Would you ever enhance parts of your body to be more sexually attractive through intrusive surgical procedures?

Yes: 13%
No: 87%

Blog Shout-outs

2011-01-14T20:28:00.006-05:00

I am that one person who has to call everyone when I see a deal. I'll even offer to buy it for you and your mother-in-law, deliver it to your home and not accept penny in return. I believe that everybody deserves a bargain.

Now people who are well versed in common sense believe I'm losing more so than gaining, but I beg to differ. The world is a much happier place when we share within reasonable limits.

I recall two Valentines ago ~~[haram police don't shoot],~~ I was browsing at my favorite Friday night hangout (Target) and noticed their seasonal clearance aisles. Alas, my original plan to leave with deodorant failed miserably--and--instead, I left with 30 bags of candy and heart-shaped boxes of chocolate. Some of these items would soon be delivered as far as Syria and Egypt.

As an active blogger in my community, I'm always excited to read new blogs that are unique, refreshing and inspiring, especially ones that are relevant to my interests. Here are a few selected blogs worth a shout-out. Feel free to share in the comments some of yours.

Metis' Blog on Muslim Feminists

This blog unlike many others in its genre, provides a well researched, unbiased attempt to synthesize and critically analyze current literature on Islamic Feminism. Some of the topics are mind-boggling. I encourage you to visit Metis' blog with an open mind and heart. And I do warn you, this blog isn't for everyone, so reader beware! The author of the blog is sweet, soft-spoken and always appreciative of your comments, even if you disagree with the content.

This Little Life of Me

Amnah is a beautiful American Muslimah mother who is not afraid to tackle a can of spray paint, sewing machine and camera with a sense pride and classiness. I would vote Amnah to be the new face of Pottery Barn and Martha Stewart enterprises. She's one of those mothers who make you want to have children JUST to try out all her nifty ideas. And it helps that her kids are adorable. I'm seriously considering buying a sewing machine or a kid. I haven't decided yet. I'm a firm believer that Youtube can teach you anything.

(P.S: Awesome photographer)

Diary of a Muslim Girl

You've probably already read Misha, the author of the Diary of a Muslim girl, since she's been blogging for quite some time now. But what you might not know is that Misha has moved her blog to a new domain. I would describe Misha's blog as my sanctuary. I feel inspired and I'm left with a sense of peace leaving her blog. Misha has been very kind keeping up with my demands on Twitter. Recently I requested from her to blog more about 'stuff.' You gotta love Canadians.

I'm in the process of updating my links page to reflect some of my regular reads. What have you been reading?

My Heritage: An Influence

2011-01-07T22:57:00.002-05:00

I know I might not say this enough, but I am proud of who I am and where I come from. I'm Arab and most of me as a person is influenced by the fact. The way I speak, my outlook on life and even my sense of decor.

I was dusting my jewelry stand this weekend and noticed something about my selection. Can you see what I see?

Portable Bidet: An Egyptian Canadian Invention

2011-01-06T23:15:00.012-05:00

I've been obsessed with the whole toileting and being Muslim (in the West) ever since I moved back to the U.S. back in 2000. I've daydreamed of an invention equal to the experience of a Middle Eastern bidet. There's nothing like having a splash in the bidet. It's pure luxury!

Last year I blogged asking readers 'What Muslims Use to Wipe their Bums?' Many had creative methods dealing with this major problem. Some suggested permanent changes to one's plumbing system. Others sought the wet toilet paper or wipes route. However, from my experience, wipes can become costly--and perhaps NOT the most sanitary of all methods. Let's face it: real clean means a good splash of water aided by strong toilet paper for a drying effect.

So--of course--the founder of this Canadian company, an Egyptian Canadian, had to beat me to my million dollar invention and invent this awesome little squirt bottle that TOTALLY gives you that bidet feel without calling your plumber or buying a complicated, pricey, stationary system. This bidet system can fit in your bookbag (rucksack) or purse.

I have found that although the squirt bottle is brilliant , it would have been more efficient if the bottle was a little larger, which would make it easier to exert more pressure and release more water. However, I understand that would defeat the portability of the design.

Here's how it works (and don't worry, this product has not been tested on animals, just humans):

Step one: Fill the water bottle up. Warm water if you fancy it that way.

Step two: Screw the nozzle on the bottle (You have two to choose from)

Step three: Position, aim and squeeze.

Nozzle #2

Step four: Feel refreshed

(I'll leave this part to your imagination OR an opportunity to try it out yourself. Here is how to order. You may also contact the company here: info[at]puritymagic[dot]com)

(I've heard from a few people that they sold well at RIS (Reviving the Islamic Spirit Conference in Toronto) and if you've tried it already, please leave a review in the comment section and if you have any suggestions as how to improve this system, please leave your comments as well. Thank you)

Winners of Hadeeth Giveaway

2011-01-02T20:26:00.008-05:00

I'm inspired by all the submissions to the Giveaway post and want to thank each and every one of you for the effort you've put in preparing for this giveaway. I had a friend off the blogosphere assist with judging to avoid biases. After much debate over hot breakfast sandwiches at Panera bread this morning, we've reached our selection. The winners are....

1) Hagar: Her submission was right on target about the Prophet's attitude toward youth. Instead of denying natural sexual desires of a young person, he reasoned and allowed the young man to voice his concern without rebuking him for these thoughts. I encourage you to read the full explanation here.

When a young man came to the Prophet asking permission to fornicate, the Prophet told him, "Would you like it for your mother?" The man said, "no." He asked him, "Would you like it for your sister?"The young man said, "no." He asked him, "Would you like it for your aunt?" The young man said "no." Would you like it for your cousin?" The young man said "no." Then the Prophet told him, "Likewise, people would not like it for their female relatives." And he put his hand on the young man's chest and prayed that Allah grants him chastity.

2) Susanne: Her submission from the Book of Matthew hit home with our current life obsessed with materialism while forgetting that God is the ultimate provider of all things, including our own lives. This submission puts things in perspective. We need God and should rely on Him more often because He is the most loving.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

3) Anonymous 12:45pm: This submission is extremely relevant to our current times where dishonesty has become a norm in our societies. We should always opt for honesty in all aspects of our lives. If people were more honest, the financial disaster hitting the world would be irrelevant!

Yahya related to me from Malik from Humayd at-Tawil from Anas ibn Malik that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, forbade selling fruit until it had become mellow. He was asked, "Messenger of Allah! What do you mean by become mellow?" He said, "When it becomes rosy."

4) Aya Khalil: I can't emphasize enough the relevance of this hadeeth to our generations and many to come. If only more parents would listen to Imam Ali more often.

Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib said: "Do not force your children to behave like you, for surely they have been created for a time which is different to your time.”

5) ~W~: This verse from the Quran reflects so much of what we suffer from as a planet environmentally, culturally and financially. Our own doings have come to bite us. We need to return to the right path! Explanation here

From the Quran which is described by God as "ahasan alhadith": 30:41

ظَهَرَ الْفَسَادُ فِي الْبَرِّ وَالْبَحْرِ بِمَا كَسَبَتْ أَيْدِي النَّاسِ لِيُذِيقَهُم بَعْضَ الَّذِي عَمِلُوا لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْجِعُونَ

Corruption has appeared on land and in the sea as an outcome of what men's hands have wrought: and so He will let them taste [the evil of] some of their doings, so that they might return [to the right path].

6) Bonus: Fraz Younis

I couldn't resist including this Hadeeth, although it took me a while to understand, I think a lot of us fall into this trap of believing things based on superficial reasons instead of resorting to hard facts. We need to critically analyze what we follow before we hail amen to a few fancy speeches! Explanation here.

"Two men from the east stood up and spoke, and people were amazed at their eloquence. The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, 'Some eloquence is sorcery,' or he said, 'Part of eloquence is sorcery.'

**

Winners, please send me your mailing address to organica59[at]gmail[dot]com so I can mail you your prizes. Congratulations!

Again, thank you for all who have made this giveaway happen. I already have another giveaway in the works. I'm going to try to make this a regular habit, God-willing.

Love and peace,

Organica

How to be a Healthy Cook: Part 2: Ingredients

2011-01-01T21:41:00.001-05:00

For Part 1, click here.

I won't lie, I do spend a huge chunk of my paycheck on groceries, fresh ones. Eating good food can become expensive and costly; I will not tell you any differently. But I guarantee, if you cut corners in other aspects of your budget, you'll be able to afford wholesome, healthy ingredients. I think the food you put in your body and your family should be a priority.

People often ask, "what's the secret to this dish or that?" My answer is always the same: good ingredients. If you use crappy ingredients, the end result is crap. However, there are a few things that you may cheat on. For the most part, I like to buy organic ingredients.

Often people associate healthy cooking with weight loss while disregarding the importance of health for everyone, not just people with extra fat around their belly. Albeit, healthy cooking could lead to weight loss and a healthier physique. So let's begin with changing our attitudes towards healthy eating and accept that it's for everyone!

There are savvy people out there who plan their grocery list according to their weekly menus, but for people who are low on time, it's best to stock key ingredients at all times. Here is what I have on hand in my pantry.

Non-perishables:

-Low-sodium organic chicken broth (I use this in everything, no kidding!)
-Cooking Spray
-Organic olive oil
-Balsamic vinegar
-Canola oil
-Canned clams/boneless skinless sardines
-Chopped nuts
-Chickpeas (canned)
-Beans (of any kind)
-Lentils
-Pastas (whole wheat if you like)
-Rice (brown if you must)
-Oats
-Flour (whole wheat if you like)
-Baking Soda
-Baking Power
-Brown Sugar
-Honey
-Corn Starch
-Whole grain cereals
-Seasoned bread crumbs
-Semi-sweet baking chocolate chips
-Fat-free Italian seasoned croutons (you can make your own)
-Pickled beats/cucumbers/olives
-low-fat dressing
-Organic tomato sauce
-sweet roasted peppers

Snacks:

-Whole grain granola bars (you can make your own, I like these)
-popcorn
-Sea salt Melba toast/bagel crisps
-Thin pretzels
-Pumpernickel pretzels from Trader Joe's
-light organic peanut butter
-Dry fruit
-unsalted roasted nuts

Fruits/Veggies:

-Organic apples
-banana
-grapes
-pomegranate
-oranges
-peaches/nectarine
-mangoes
-watermelon
-berries
-Cucumbers
-mushrooms
-eggplant
-zucchini
-herbs
-onions
-garlic
-shallots
-ginger (paste)
-tomatoes
-lettuce
-baby spinach

Frozen Foods:

I think in terms of damage control. It will be impossible to eliminate processed foods entirely from any diet, so minimizing is key. Frozen cooked foods like fries, mozzarella sticks, burritos, concentrated fruit juices, ice cream, etc are a big no no in my freezer. It's easy to create meals with these items and forget fresh ingredients that is better for you. Here's what I usually keep handy in my freezer:

-Frozen veggies (off season veggies and ones that you don't plan to cook right away. I like corn, broccoli florets, French cut green beans, mixed veggies, sweet peas, asparagus)
-Non-fat Vanilla frozen yogurt (if you must)
-Low-fat Frozen Dinner (in case I have no time to cook, I have a healthy option instead of opting for fast food)
-Turkey burgers
-Mahi Mahi burgers from Trader Joe's
-Whole wheat buns (freeze when you get home)
-All natural Chicken sausage (Trader Joe's)
-organic frozen fruit (for smoothies)

Meats:

-Lean ground turkey breast
-Organic free range chicken tenders/breast
-Organic free range chicken drumsticks/whole chicken cut up (take off skin before cooking)
-Grass fed organic meat (I don't eat red meat much, I buy on rare occasions only)
-Fish fillet (I like tilapia)
-Shrimp
-Scallops, seafood blend

Dairy:

I love cheese. That's all I have to say.

-2% Deli style cheese (Swiss, provolone)
-A good blue cheese (I buy a wedge to crumble or slice)
-A sharp cheese for sandwiches (Ex. Gruyere)
-2% shredded cheese (I like the 4 cheese blend from Trader Joe's. Awesome on salads and homemade pizza)
-2% Mozzarella for homemade pizza or paninis (freeze if you won't use right away)
- Fat-free feta (excellent salad topper and since you'll be using dressing, no need for the fat!)

Bread:

-Whole wheat pita (I freeze)
-Sourdough bread or any artisan bread
-8-grain ciabatta bread
-Lavash bread
-Whole wheat low-fat wraps

Spices:

-I have EVERY spice you can think of. Spices can make or break a dish and I make sure to well season everything. No one wants to consume bland foods. So don't be scared to use a little spice in your dish. These are my favorite spice blends that I have in all flavors :)

Stay tune for Part 3: How to be a Healthy Cook: Tips from a Behaviorist

Free Giveaway: Provide a Less-Known Hadeeth/Tradition Relevant to our Times

2010-12-27T18:06:00.012-05:00

A few months ago I blogged about what going green meant to me. It's been going wonderfully except I've been struggling with the reusable bags. I never remember to bring my bags to the grocery store or wherever. And if I do remember, there is no guarantee they'll make an appearance on my next shopping trip.

Also, most canvas bags are big and bulky. The size makes it difficult to stick in my purse to pack for unplanned visits to the grocery story or Target. But then I discovered these awesome reusable bags that can be folded and snapped neatly into a small roll. Needless to say, I was ecstatic to find such an invention.

I leave these bags (I have more than a few) in my purse and school bag at all times. So when I make a last minute run to the pharmacy, I always opt out of a plastic bag and pull out my little bundle of awesomeness. And don't let looks deceive you, these bags carry a load!

(And I might have used this as a lunch bag on occasion)

So I would like to give away 5 bags for free to 5 lucky winners of this giveaway; here are the contest rules:

Provide a Hadeeth (saying of the Prophet) that ISN'T well known in mainstream Islam yet is extremely relevant to our current times.
*UPDATED* You may submit traditions from your faith (it doesn't have to be Islam), so long as you cite your sources. Make sure your submission is relevant to our current times.

Provide sources of the Hadeeth (Book of Bukhari, etc)

Post your Hadeeth in the comment section of this post and you'll automatically be entered in the contest
Deadline to enter in the contest: December 31, 2010 at 12:00 am (EST)
I'll ship these bags anywhere in the world
Judges: Myself and a trusted friend (not part of the blogging world, thus unbiased)

Good luck!

How to be a Healthy Cook: Part 1

2010-12-15T18:42:00.009-05:00

A few years ago I had to take a hard look at the kinds of foods I consumed on a daily basis and how that was affecting my health--presently--and in the future. I grew up in a household with authentic Egyptian cuisine: high in saturated fats and carbohydrates. As a result, my old eating habits were unbalanced and some would say, deadly.

I've taught myself to prepare traditional favorites with a light fare although sometimes indulgent but only on rare occasions. These steps were both good for my heart and soul, and probably for my future children..

So dear reader (male or female), allow me to share a few tidbits of how I've put a healthy spin to my cooking.

Cooking Tools:

You will need good cooking tools. I can't emphasize the word GOOD enough. Although it might be tempting to by the cheaper tools, think about the long-term and how long that utensil will last you. Here a few kitchen items that are essential for my kitchen.

- A good wooden cooking spoon/spatula that will not hurt your pots and pans. I purchased a hand carved wooden spoon from a craft show last spring. $25

- Your everything knife. I invested in a Cutco (Rachael Ray style knife). It will never rust because it's stainless steal and works for all my kitchen needs. ($85)

-Enamel Coated Cast Iron. Le Creuset sells some pricey ones, but I found a knock-off version for a quarter of the price from Sam's Club. Great because it goes from your stove top to you oven safely ($30)

-A powerful blender/food processor. I've been through so many blenders, I would have been better off buying an expensive Cuisinart. But due to my limited budget and space, I've decided to invest in this budget-friendly blender/food processor duo. Easy clean-up and very powerful! I couldn't believe how convenient and for the price you get excellent quality. I make my famous hummus (recipe here) and smoothies with this kitchen tool. ($35 but look out for deals, I've seen them for as low as $28)

-Panini Press: I use my panini press at least twice a week to grill chicken and fish with out adding fat. I've also mastered making panini sandwiches and no longer pay $7 a panini at my local cafe. I control what ingredients go in my sandwich and adjust it to my healthy eating style. There are cheaper versions, but I got mine as a gift from Williams-Sonoma. ($99)

-Cutting boards: I have 3 cutting boards. One for fruit, one for veggies and another for meats. The cutting boards are so easy to clean and bend, I can't stop using them. I slice apples daily now! (2pk/$1.99 Ikea)

-Wok: I use my wok all the time. I would say 80% of the time I cook on the stove-top. Mine is Calphalon from Target. ($20)

-Slow Cooker: This is my latest addition to my cooking family. A slow cooker is an amazing way to cook with lots of flavor without adding too much fat to your food. The best part is that you can leave it to cook all day and come home from work and find a meal ready to be served. ($8.99, a black Friday deal)

-Misc.: Measuring cups, mixing bowls (prefer glass/ceramic), colander, baking sheets, Tupperware, freezer/storage Ziploc bags, parchment paper and tin foil.

I'm always looking for new affordable tools to add to my kitchen. What's your favorite tool?

Stay tune for part 2: What ingredients should you stock in your home (hints from a behaviorist)

Stuffed Baby Eggplant

2010-12-11T15:18:00.004-05:00

Christmas Lights

2010-12-11T11:01:00.002-05:00

You say Pumpkin, I Say Muffin

2010-12-09T15:51:00.002-05:00

I love anything pumpkin and have decided to take up the challenge of making my own from scratch. I used this recipe although I used less filling and I made 12 muffins with the ingredients listed.

Ingredients:

Dry & wet ingredients

Mix ingredients, prepare struesel and filling

Streusel and filling

Ready to bake

20 minutes later

Enjoy and don't forget to share :)

A World of Chocolate

2010-11-21T15:22:00.004-05:00

A World of Chocolate, originally uploaded by Organica-.

A great gift find for all your loved ones. Love it! And it's under $10

Marie Antoinette: A Gift

2010-11-19T22:13:00.002-05:00

Marie Antoinette: A Gift, originally uploaded by Organica-.

Quick Lunch

2010-11-14T18:33:00.002-05:00

Quick Lunch, originally uploaded by Organica-.

I took a bite before I took this picture :)

When in Fear, Call MuslimMan!

2010-11-13T21:13:00.004-05:00

Featured: author/blogger Jehanzeb Dar
Photo credits: Avi Silverberg

A Fall Lunch

2010-11-09T19:06:00.003-05:00

Fall Lunch: Fruit, salad, organic grilled chicken, homemade hummus, homemade carrot/apple juice, sparkling apple cider, low-fat shrimp pasta (not shown) and pumpkin bread., originally uploaded by Organica-.

Purses that Hold Stuff

2010-11-07T08:50:00.003-05:00

I noticed the other day that my everyday purse had a lot more purses inside. I am not sure when I started collecting what is pictured below, but it sure helps me keep organized. Please note: I don't carry ALL of these at once. Is this just me or you have this habit, too? Take a picture and link it to this post.

Hijab Storage Solution

2010-11-05T18:58:00.000-05:00

Baba Ghanoush

2010-11-03T19:03:00.003-05:00

Baba Ghanoush, originally uploaded by Organica-.

An eggplant dip.

Jon Stewart's Rally to Restore Sanity

2010-10-31T16:13:00.006-05:00

I had the pleasure to be one of the thousands to attend Jon Stewart's rally for sanity in Washington D.C. this weekend. People from all over the U.S. gathered to promote sanity and protest absurdity. The crowd was diverse kind and respectful. Typically I feel discomfort in large gatherings (of that magnitude) and was pleasantly surprised at how calm and peaceful I felt for the 6 hour event. Stephen Colbert had a competing rally in conjunction to 'Keep Fear Alive.' Funny stuff.

The signs were both thought-provoking and hilarious. I got to wear my favorite shirt "Make Chai, Not War" by Hijabman and was pleased to see a few Muslims sprinkled within the crowds, although not enough (nothing compared to the numbers we see in the Palestine protests). Jon Stewart invited Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens) as one of the guest musicians and it was a magical moment when he brought him on stage. Islam's first words to the thousands cheering in excitement "peace." To sum up, the rally was a 3-hour version of the Daily Show. I loved every moment of it and I think America made history showing sanity, at least on October 30, 2010.

Some snapshots for your viewing pleasure.

Mindless Muslims

2010-10-23T09:03:00.003-05:00

There is an pandemic outbreak across the Muslim nations and people. The outbreak entails a loss of logical thinking, the frequent urge to consult with sheikh Google and uncontrollable desire to point fingers and scream "Haraam." It's reported that most cases suffer from echolalia, a form of repetitive, mindless talk. The the most frequent occurrences of echolalia have been spotted on sahabahTwitter.com and I'dRatherBePrayingonFacebook.com.

Other reported symptoms are the quick ability to mass email and forward chain mail that threatens God's wrath if not forwarded. Along with Googled picture images of bearded men and niqabi women as avatars, some have been busy spewing hateful comments to less symptomatic Muslims. Others have been packing their bags to leave the land of the heathens (a.k.a Kuffar).

One reported case has demanded that Saudi fatwa committee reconsider slavery as a mean to avoid marriage costs. In Rabat, a rally of a hundred thousand people was organized to bring back 'Ma Malakot Aymankom' or as some chanted 'free sex with slaves.' Islamqa.com has refused to give comment.

Muslim men around the world have made the 'lesser' sex wear red badges when they are PMS-ing to avoid future collisions. In addition, a wealthy Muslim businessman has invested 300 million dollars in the new Google cars that drive itself so women don't have to drive and cause fitnah. Donations are accepted; please make checks payable to 'HISLAM Inc.'

The CDC recommends Muslims take a breather, take a step back and think before they talk and make decisions. Repeated statements can be controlled when paraphrased and used to inform others in a less condescending and judgmental tone. Mental exercises such as thinking is recommended on a daily basis. And to always remember that God didn't hire anyone to speak on his behalf, so less talking and more doing.

Pretty Eyes

2010-10-20T11:57:00.002-05:00

Pretty Eyes, originally uploaded by Organica-.

Texan Love

2010-10-18T19:25:00.006-05:00

Do You handshake Men?

2010-10-05T19:10:00.004-05:00

Today a friend and I met with university director about a potential program of my friend's interest. At the conclusion of our meeting, the older, Eastern European professor inquired:

Professor: "Do you handshake men?"

Me: "Yes and we hug them too. Care for a hug?"

Awkward silence.

;)

Why I need to Re-Learn Islam

2010-10-02T22:57:00.012-05:00

*Disclaimer: The author has the right to delete comments that are offensive and irrelevant to the post*

Someone asked recently (non-Muslim) if I was religious. It took a minute for me to respond. "No, I am not" I said cautiously. I was suddenly full of awareness of what I just said. I was admitting to something MOST people would deny to themselves and others. But why?

I'm not religious because I don't know how to be.

You see, I grew up in a typical Egyptian family with little influence from Islam as a religion, but more of a culture. When I was old enough to understand religion, I didn't care for it. I understood that I was Muslim because that's what my family was. Muslims couldn't do certain things which was taught in the context of culture, the Arab way.

In my late teens, I decided my faith, my spirituality was important. I had listened to a few series on the Day of Judgment and decided I didn't want to end up in flames like the speaker warned quoting powerful versus from the Quran.

Fear:

So I became 'religious' under the pretense of piety. I would start to pray, cover my head and later make other sacrifices to avoid God's wrath. According to the lectures and online Muslim forums, there were only FEW ways to attain salvation, and they were almost always impossible to achieve.

I spent a number of years pretending to be religious although I knew nothing of God. I didn't love God. I had no connection with this mighty being. However, I LOVED being His personal spokesperson. I'd advocate, reprimand, judge all in HIS name. I had the most powerful KING, CREATOR ever on my side. I had the license to bully.

Abuse:

I learned over the years that religious meant a number of things. It meant I couldn't think for myself. As a woman, I was lesser than a man. I should accept that God has favored one gender over the other. The way I dress will determine which side I'll be on the day of judgment. Religiosity meant isolation from the modern world. Other religions were doomed to hell. When I died, I got to watch my MAN screw 72 virgins. I should feel guilty all the time because NO MATTER what I did, I'll never attain the level of piety that is required to please God.

I should be good to please God because I loved Him. But did I? Did they? The pressure was on and you eventually snap. Some turn to atheism, some to another religion. I did neither. It was easier to believe ANYONE who claimed to have the golden keys to heaven.

Cults:

I consider a lot of mainstream religious Muslims cult members. In their little circles of Salafis, Sufis, Ikhwanis, Hanafi, Tablighis, Hanbalis, Sha'fa'es, Progressives, Quranists. They engage in cult-like behavior. They have a leader with a bunch of blind followers. They become indistinguishable. Ask any Salafi about Sheikh ibn Al Baz or Albani, they'll have a religious boner.

Love:

In the midst of my journey I finally got it. I learned about God when I no longer considered myself religious, or as some folk would label 'weak.' When you suddenly decide you've given up on your journey, you discover that it only just started. That maybe, it's time to Re-Learn Islam the way God meant it to be.

I want to love Islam. I have faith in Islam as a religion. But I don't know how to be a follower while distancing myself from the crazies that claim it as their own. How? I want to Re-Learn Islam Allah's way, the Messenger's way. Not the patriarchal version we are left with today. I want the love of God to fill me, to suffice. I don't want to feel the guilt. I want the image of the angry God waiting with a lightening bolt to vanish.

So, "No" I am not religious but I love God, Al Wadud.

When Strange Names Scare White Girls

2010-10-02T21:47:00.004-05:00

A highly educated White female in front of a graduate class says the following:

"Watch out with those student names. They have a lot of 'strange' ~~Black~~ ~~non-White~~ names. So ask them to spell it for you."

Do you think she would poop her pants if I recite my very long Arabic name?

**

It's time to get off your high horse pretty White girl. The darker folk are slowly taking over and we're here to stay. You hear of hummus? Eeep. Run!

When Apples Fall, You Make Pie

2010-10-01T18:36:00.002-05:00

{This is my first attempt to make any pie. EVER. I used this recipe from here.}

{This turned out to be the best pie I've eaten in a while}

Here is what you do:

First: You stop by your local orchard and pick your apples

Second: rinse your apples and prep them for the pie

Third: Add sugar & spices to your apples. Prepare your crust.

Fourth: Drain apples and prepare the sauce

Fifth: Top crust. Design. Pinch.

Sixth: Bake and enjoy :)