Ramadan Prep, 2011 Style

Someone asked me the other day how I was preparing for the month of heartburn and overeating.

Lady: "Have you guys prepared for Ramadan yet?"
Me: "Of course, we bought everything edible at Costco last night, you?"
Lady: "I am doing all the cooking now so I have time to do more cooking during Ramadan."
Me: "Genius. Ramadan is all about the food! Too bad there is a famine in East Africa."
Lady: "I can relate, the Arab store was out of pickles. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?"
Me: "The horror."
Lady: "I am buying new clothes for Ramadan, you know, for all the weight gain."
Me: "Oh, I just unbutton my pants. No need to splurge, after all, it's the month of Taqwa."
Lady: "Well, it's just my husband and I, do you think $5000 is a good food budget, we still need to buy dates."
Me: "hmm. I'd invest in Tums, too."
Lady: "We can't eat leftovers during Ramadan."
Me: "Heck, no! Ew"
Lady: "Can't wait to read the Quran cover-to-cover--TWICE--during Ramadan. I am in competition with my friend. I like reading without understanding, makes me feel smarter."
Me: "Don't we all."
Lady: "Well, I gotta go, talk to you soon."

**

Let's bring back Ramadan, folks.