Are you ever in a position where someone drops you a comment and you later realize the comment was unprompted and maybe a little mean? Here are some of my recent encounters. What have been yours?
"Anyone can pass your degree."
"Why are you so fat? You hardly eat."
"I was married with 3 kids at your age. Don't lose hope!"
"I feel bad for you, all those horrible things that happened to you on your trip, I guess that's why Islam prohibits women from traveling alone."
"I don't wear straps like you. That's just immodest."
"My daughter is just as fat as you. You remind me so much of her."
"You don't know what you are talking about because you are young and inexperienced."
"How could you stand wearing long-sleeves in this heat?"
"Thanks for the gift but you know I don't like jewelry boxes."
"Are you sure you want to eat that?"
"May God guide you."
"People who own dogs aren't clean."
"My husband likes skinny women only."
"Women are so jealous of my skinny figure."
"I don't get how some people live in the U.S. for years without becoming homeowners?"
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19 reflections:
Great post. Here are some of my personal favorites in my life:
"What's wrong with your face?"
When I was pregnant the second time, but people didn't know what I was having, they asked me if my pregnancy was different than when I had my first daughter. I said yes. They're response: "Oh, then it's good news." This wasn't a single comment. I repeatedly got that comment. from different people.
My older daughter doesn't like to brush her hair. I'm tired of forcing her to. So sometimes, she goes to family gatherings with her hair all over the place. My mother sees her, and goes, "Tie up your hair! That grandma over there will say how your hair is all over the place." That "grandma" hears that and goes, "It's ok. It's fashion. Her mother doesn't do it, at least let her daughter do it."
Just a glimpse into the very honest people in my life :)
Oh wow, are these comments word for word?
I am shocked at the comments directed towards your figure, as well as the degree thing, which I find so insulting especially since I am a university student and have come to learn that there is NO such thing as an "easy" degree.
I have a veryy high metabolism so am naturally slim, and surprisingly get my fair share of nasty comments. The one I get most often is, "Misha, do you EAT?" and it's not said in a nice way.
Who doesn't like jewelry boxes?!
I've got loads of examples, so naturally I can't think of any.
I completely understand that this comments did hurt you. But since a few years I developed a kind of "your opinion of me is no concern of mine"-attitude.
I can just hope that they are more people you develop this attitude - and pray that the unsensitive leftover may use their brains more often...
Assalamu Alaikum!
My favorites are:
1) How can you touch Stray cats?
2) You don't do your eyebrows? God, you are so old fashioned.
I really liked you blog!
Your posts are really nice, Mashallah!
Keep up the good work!
Do visit my blog too!
Alia
http://aliascreativelife.blogspot.com/
your last one, i don't see it as passive-aggressive. the idiot is just totally out of touch with reality. been hanging around other in their socio-economic class WAY too long.
oh wait, just remember one of my own - probably said it before though...
one lady tried to give me unwanted hair styling tips then after giving said unwanted tips, pointed to her hijab: "i don't have to worry about that."
>_<
You should share some of these on http://microaggressions.com/
Weight/height/family/friends/job/
education/goals etc. the list goes on and on. I try to let it in one ear and out the other, usually the comments are from people I don't really admire or look up to anyways.
My "favourite"
"I don't know how you can go out without make up..."
"Oh wow, you look really horrible, are you ok?" (on day when you're just not wearing make up)
"Wow, your daughter is so pretty! Who does she look like?"
I.GET.THIS.ALL.THE.EFFING.TIME
People will never be happy about other people's weight.. You are wrong both ways... I got..."why are you so thin" I am NOT thin... Than they proceed to make fun of how much I eat.. Look at her.. Eating like a bird... What are you doing.. Sampling??
Second one- "My daughter [age 30] looks younger than you [24]":((
My kids have better degrees and grades than you (I was an average student)
The best thing one can do is to be indifferent.
i really hate it when the comments are about your physical qualities that you cant change, like double chin, height, thin hair, nose, even the silliest things like your large or small ears that you'd never notice.
Im very tall so if I lose weight I look "lanky" and a "stick" and if I gain weight then I look "giant" or "tarzan". esp. when its the people who claim to be family.
i understand all of it organica.
Very interesting post. I think we've all experienced comments like these.
Here in Korea they don't think twice about asking personal questions or commenting on things like looks. I used to get annoyed. Now I guess I'm used to it. They think all foreigners are gluttons and fat. Then a Korean might be XXL size in Korean sizes but XS is foreign sizes. Only in Korea is my pasty color appreciated, and even then, I was once told I could use a tan. "How old are you?" "Are you married?" "Why aren't you married?" "Don't you want kids?" "How much do you weigh?" "How tall are you??" are some of the many questions I've been asked, often in progression, by both people I know and complete strangers wanting to practice their English. (Sorry for the long response.)
Salams I got this very rude comment some years ago from a bank teller....
HER "Do you believe in the revelations?" ME: "Well I believe in Jesus if that's what you mean?" HER: "Oh good I'd hate to be in Heaven and not see you there"???? WTF If I wasn't wearing my niqab she wouldn't seen my jaw hit the counter!! She giggled and thought she was funny! How Lame....
Here's another, I at Eid Prayer, and a sister points to my stomach and says "What's that?" I say, "My Stomach?" Ugh! excuse me for having a lil belly, and NOT Being preggers!
Another one: "I don't hear an accent, where are you from?" Hmm maybe I was born and raised American, duh...lol
"not everyone can buy clothes at the mall, we aren't all a size two....or in your case zero"
"I never dress like (my name), my shirts go longer than that"
some guy's kid comes up to my kid (me to my daughter): "Oh looks like you have a new friend"
(kid's dad) "oh no she has enough of those already"
(me) "I see"
I guess the dog one is a cultural one. probably came from an arab. And to be fair - many people who own dogs don't seem to care that much about cleanliness when it comes to their dog. granted, many people who own other pets don't do so, too. But a dog eats meat, so it's better to build him a nice home in the garden, so the house doesn't smell that much like dog. then again, i'm arab.
After an exam I went to a restaurant close to campus to have desert :) so a random man harassed my friend and I at this restaurant, I then posted it on facebook and I got this comment:
"That's why women must never travel alone always with a mahram"
Should I start dragging my dad to school with me?
I love the friend who commented but sometimes I wonder what it is that makes people make these comments.
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