Interview #1
Name: Mohsin Age: 24 Location: London/England Gender: Male
Sexual orientation: Gay Faith: Muslim
When was the first time you realized you weren't heterosexual?
I was in year 6 or year 7 and I couldn’t have been more than 11-12 years old. I had this friend called Umran. Like me, he too had shifted to Lahore, Pakistan from London the previous year and we had a lot in common. We used to hang out after school and spend our summer holidays together. Puberty hit and he developed this insane crush on this girl who I instantly took an intense dislike to. It wasn’t just him, but all the boys around him as well. A few weeks later Umran & the girl started ‘going out’ and I was more than insanely jealous. I remember being devastated, crying at times. Whenever a group of boys would get together, the topic of discussion would ultimately turn to girls, rating them on a 1-10 scale, although I took part, I never really had any interest whatsoever. And that was my first inkling.
Who did you inform?
No one. Even though I had no idea whatsoever what gay meant, I definitely knew I wasn’t supposed to be liking other guys, the way they liked girls. That, quite frankly scared the heck out of me.
Have you 'come out' to your community/friends/family?
I've only very recently started coming out. I've told my closest friends, two of my sisters, and one of my nephews. Not out to the community at large.
If you have, what was the reaction of the community/friends/family?
My nephew had the best response I could ever hope for: “You’re still my uncle, and I still love you”. I nearly started crying. Sister 1: “Eww, I don’t want to talk about it." I think she’s okay with it, as long as she knows nothing more. Sister 2 was the disappointment. She used to tell me everything about her life, how things were with her husband, the problems she was having, real heart to heart talks.
She often remarked that I never shared anything with her, and she was right, I wasn’t out to her, so I couldn’t tell half the stuff that I wanted to without coming out to her. She accepts me, but doesn’t want me to tell anyone else (rest of the family, mother, etc). Not telling the rest of my family forces me to lead a double life, which makes me miserable, which is why I want to come out to the rest of the family.
How have Muslims reacted when you revealed your sexual orientation? Provide examples.
It’s not come up in conversation to be honest, and I don’t go about telling everyone I meet, and when it does come up, I bite my tongue, take deep breaths, and walk away.
Have you connected with other Muslims from the LGBTIQ community? If so, how do you connect?
I went to meetup group once for LGBT Muslims, when one of the guest speakers they had was Imam Daayiee, a self-styled gay Imam and Scholar. He was quite the inspiring man, and I honestly liked him – having found him really well read and all round nice person. The others in the group however were a bit cliquey as they all knew each other and weren’t inclusive at all of me. Let’s just say I didn’t fit in, different values, opinions, insights and they were a lot more conservative than me. Whilst I was beginning to feel more comfortable with my sexuality, they seemed to be struggling. And I didn’t need that, especially since I had just reconciled myself.
Who are they (general descriptions of who they are in the context of the Muslim community)?
They come from all walks of life: train drivers, students, charity workers, sales persons, charity workers. There were a few married guys as well.
Have you dated other Muslims from the LGBTIQ?Nope.
Do you foresee your relationships evolving from casual to a more sacred bond like marriage. Share your thoughts/dreams/hopes.
I would eventually like to meet someone that I could spend the rest of my life with, but I feel as I'd be asking too much, frankly. I know I’d have to choose either family or love - and I don’t know how I'm going to do it. The problem has caused me endless anxiety – When I do come out to them, will they still want to know me? Will they throw me out? Cut me off? I'm extremely close to my entire family.
How do you reconcile your faith and your sexual orientation?
I'm working on that bit. I’ve been very angry for a very long time at Islam, Muslims and God for making me feel how I feel - why couldn’t he just have made me 'normal?' I actually used to pray to be straight in my late teens, and when that failed, I lost faith. But recently I've started to come round because you know what? He's my God too. Not just the God of the people who want to condemn me to hell. In particular one verse of the Quran gives me strength from time to time : “On no soul doth Allah place a burden greater than it can bear" (2:286). It feels hopeless at times, but I try to be a good person, keep my intentions pure, and my heart at ease.
How would you respond to Muslims who would condemn your lifestyle?
Let me live my life as I let you live yours. I'm responsible for my actions and you are responsible for yours.
If someone reading this is struggling with their sexual identity, what advice would you provide to them?
No amount of praying will make you straight. It’s not an illness nor a disease.
Does safety ever concern you in terms of retaliations from the Muslim community? Have you been threatened?
Personally no, but I've heard plenty of horror stories.
What message would you like to convey to Muslims about Muslims from the LGBTIQ community?
It gets better. Stay strong. Breathe. To all those who think we don’t exist: We exist. I could be your brother, your uncle, your cousin, your nephew. I am a caring brother, a doting uncle, a dutiful son. I'd like nothing more to see you happy - in fact - what makes you happy makes me happy.
To my family:
I’ll need you. Do you have any idea how terrifying it is? The idea of facing it without my family?
I’ll need you. Do you have any idea how terrifying it is? The idea of facing it without my family?
**
Interview #2
Interview #6
Interview #2
Name: Nahid Age: 22 Location: California Gender: Female
Sexual orientation: Queer Faith: Muslim
When was the first time you realized you weren't heterosexual?
18, my first year in college. I flirted back with a girl because she was into me and I thought it was less stressful than flirting with men.
Who did you inform?
Well, I was living in the dorms that year, so my friends were around to witness the ah, transformation. My best friend (Muslim) was an especially great person to speak with, not just because she understood my angst as a Muslim, but because she's a great person.
Have you 'come out' to your community/friends/family?
I am "out" to everyone except to people could float the news to my parents. Not that everyone I know knows I'm queer, but that I am not concerned with enlightening anyone about my private sexual practices. I'm not afraid to bring it up when I want to/ when its relevant. I *hate* the traditional coming out narrative, I don't feel attracted to the idea or liberated by telling everyone who I have in my bed. This is beyond privacy/safety issues.
If you have, what was the reaction of the community/friends/family?
I have yet to get an explicitly negative or hateful reaction, alhamdillah. My cousin in Syria (the only family other than my brother that I've told) raised her eyebrows and then made me promise to try sleeping with men, but she was supportive.
How have Muslims reacted when you revealed your sexual orientation? Provide examples.
My brother sort of just went "whoa," which was the best you could hope for from a then-15 year old boy. Since then he's been a support to me. People I've come out to anonymously have been supportive in theory. All other Muslims that I've talked about my sexuality with have been queer Muslims and within the context of our queer Islam.
Have you connected with other Muslims from the LGBTIQ community? If so, how do you connect?
Well, my other best Muslim friend from college ended up identifying as queer, but more in terms of how she practices her sexuality rather than as a woman who has sex with women.
Have you dated other Muslims from the LGBTIQ?
My current partner.
Do you foresee your relationships evolving from casual to a more sacred bond like marriage. Share your thoughts/dreams/hopes.
Um, I refuse to foresee anything. I can't because I'm a young woman living with her parents who would like to see a wedding out of their daughter. But even aside from the uncertainty, I don't feel an innate desire to echo heteronormative relationships and aspire to a marriage-like living arrangement. My current partner (a trans boy).
How do you reconcile your faith and your sexual orientation?
I just do. There are plenty of scholars more qualified than I to go into the specifics (verses, historical context and reinterpretation, cultural and colonial influences, the whole lot of it). But I'm sort of over all of that anyway. God is amazing. God is loving. Loving makes me feel closer to God. I believe in one God and in God's Prophet Muhammad and the prophets and messengers before him. I believe in the values and ideals of Islam wholeheartedly. I like doing lots of good deeds because good deeds are good, but to be honest drinking alcohol makes me feel more guilty than sex/ queer sex.
How would you respond to Muslims who would condemn your lifestyle?
I wouldn't.
If someone reading this is struggling with their sexual identity, what advice would you provide to them?
If someone reading this is struggling with their sexual identity, what advice would you provide to them?
Oooh, this is the question that plagues me. Again, there are a million scholars more qualified than I to refer them to comforting verses, and the like, but trust in God. If we cannot trust in God there is nothing and no one on this Earth that we can trust. God hasn't placed any burden on our shoulders that we aren't capable of carrying, and coming to terms with your sexuality is a journey in life and in faith that will change you forever. If you, like I, manage to come out of it faith at all intact, it'll be a stronger and more pure faith then you ever could have found had you not embarked on this journey. There will be guilt, pain and tears. You may leave the faith, but don't be afraid to come back. The words "la illaha illlalllah" don't erase easy out of a person's heart, and that is 95% of Islam right there. Don't be afraid to question, to let go of ideas that are toxic. Don't change the faith: God is the All-Knowing in the end.
Does safety ever concern you in terms of retaliations from the Muslim community? Have you been threatened?
I am not a queer activist nor am I visible within the Muslim community as being queer. As I embark on more journeys and dive deeper into activism, I hope to not have to separate the two, but if I have to giggle about marriage with some Auntie in order to get across a message of social justice in the Middle East, I'm more than okay with that. That being said, I don't think I'd *not* reveal my sexuality, when it was relevant, out of fear of my safety. If it added something important to the discussion, I'd talk about being queer.
What message would you like to convey to Muslims about Muslims from the LGBTIQ community?
Don't do yourselves the disservice of limiting your worship to God. Islam is the most beautiful faith because it's heart and soul are pure and recognizable regardless in what "body" it manifests itself into. God is beautiful, All-powerful, the lot of it, y'know? If God is limitless, then why are we so insistent on our worship to God being limited?
**
Interview #3
Interview #3
Name: Saffiya Age: 22 Location: East Coast US Gender: Female
Sexual orientation: Bisexual Faith: Islam
When was the first time you realized you weren't heterosexual?
I was 18 and I got really close to one of my friends and realized it was different.
I was 18 and I got really close to one of my friends and realized it was different.
Who did you inform?
The girl I liked
The girl I liked
Have you 'come out' to your community/friends/family?
Not really. Some of my friends know, but it is not public at all.
Not really. Some of my friends know, but it is not public at all.
If you haven't, why not?
I don't want to complicate things. I am fine with the way I'm living. I am married and pretty much happy with my family.
I don't want to complicate things. I am fine with the way I'm living. I am married and pretty much happy with my family.
If you have, what was the reaction of the community/friends/family?
My friends who know are supportive and do not have any problem with who I am. They respect my decisions and what I have done in my life and how I choose to live.
My friends who know are supportive and do not have any problem with who I am. They respect my decisions and what I have done in my life and how I choose to live.
How have Muslims reacted when you revealed your sexual orientation? Provide examples.
Most of the people who I have told are people that I know will not have a negative reaction to what I am telling them. They have been neutral and non-judgmental. They have just let me talk about my problems/relationships like any other issues in my life.
Most of the people who I have told are people that I know will not have a negative reaction to what I am telling them. They have been neutral and non-judgmental. They have just let me talk about my problems/relationships like any other issues in my life.
Have you connected with other Muslims from the LGBTIQ community? If so, how do you connect?
I have friends who are bisexual and Muslim. They are not, in social terms, 'practicing' Muslims, but they are Muslim and we talk about our lives. I have not gone out and tried to connect specifically with these people, they were already my friends and we talk. I have a very good friend who told me she was bisexual way before I even figured it out about myself. She was the first person I went to talk to about my relationship. It really helps to have people like yourself to talk to because they can understand what you're going through.
Have you dated other Muslims from the LGBTIQ?
I have been with a Muslim girl. We have been together on an emotional and physical level.
I have been with a Muslim girl. We have been together on an emotional and physical level.
Do you foresee your relationships evolving from casual to a more sacred bond like marriage. Share your thoughts/dreams/hopes.
No, I don't. I am married to a guy that I love and I am content with this relationship. Perhaps in another world where it would be okay to have that kind of bond. For now, all I can say is I wouldn't feel comfortable in an open relationship with a girl - maybe because I feel like it's wrong.
How do you reconcile your faith and your sexual orientation?
I keep them very very very separate. I block out my faith and religion if I am with a girl. I completely ignore its existence. And when I pray and try to practice my faith, I ignore my homoerotic desires. I have a lot of internal conflicts as a result.
I keep them very very very separate. I block out my faith and religion if I am with a girl. I completely ignore its existence. And when I pray and try to practice my faith, I ignore my homoerotic desires. I have a lot of internal conflicts as a result.
How would you respond to Muslims who would condemn your lifestyle?
I would not be surprised.
If someone reading this is struggling with their sexual identity, what advice would you provide to them?
I honestly do not know what to say. I myself struggle with it, but I have chosen to ignore it for the most part because I am married and do not want to compromise my marriage or my family. Go with what your heart desires.
I would not be surprised.
If someone reading this is struggling with their sexual identity, what advice would you provide to them?
I honestly do not know what to say. I myself struggle with it, but I have chosen to ignore it for the most part because I am married and do not want to compromise my marriage or my family. Go with what your heart desires.
What message would you like to convey to Muslims about Muslims from the LGBTIQ community?
There are worse things a person can do, and there are worse problems the Muslim community. We need to get rid of this taboo. Lying is bad; cheating is bad; oppression is bad; rape is bad, but being a gay/lesbian is a personal choice! What's the point if you're straight and a horrible person? Why should people like that be allowed to be Muslim, but a person who is not straight is seen as a heathen? We need to check our priorities.
**
Interview #4
Name: Hamid Age: 19 Location: Canada Gender: Male
Sexual orientation: Gay Faith: Muslim
When was the first time you realized you weren't heterosexual?
I think I realized I wasn't "normal" from childhood. I've only accepted it a year ago.
I think I realized I wasn't "normal" from childhood. I've only accepted it a year ago.
Who did you inform?
No one yet
No one yet
Have you 'come out' to your community/friends/family?
No I have not.
No I have not.
If you haven't, why not?
My family in general is conservative especially with this issue. I hope they would not disown me in shame, but at this point I am scared to take the chance. I know my parents will be disappointed and feel it's their fault. I pray that one day I can be completely honest with them, but I never want to risk losing their love and support
Have you connected with other Muslims from the LGBTIQ community? If so, how do you connect?
I have never interacted with any Muslims from the LGBT community offline, but have read about their experiences online. It was both touching and informative. It did provide me with a piece of mind to know there are people like me out there.
Do you foresee your relationships evolving from casual to a more sacred bond like marriage. Share your thoughts/dreams/hopes.
This topic scares me, no lie. Whenever I hear my parents talking about marriage and finding me a bride, I get a sick. Its one thing to not come out, but to pretend to love someone you have no attraction to is something I cannot bring myself to do. As for marriage with a man, it is something I have given thought about and at the end of the day I think everyone wants to find someone they can spend their life and share love.
How do you reconcile your faith and your sexual orientation?
For a long time I just told myself this is a phase and I will change one day. I began to hate a big part of myself and was angry for being different/unusual. It took me a long time to come to the conclusion that a JUST God would not want someone to live a lie!
How would you respond to Muslims who would condemn your lifestyle?
I, like many other gay Muslims have probably read the ton of blog posts, articles and fatwas saying its unnatural, disgusting, immoral and a deviation. It is very easy to say what is natural and what is not when you are not affected by the issue. That is all I can say because at this point I have heard it all and all I want is to find peace within myself and hope everyone can respect that
If someone reading this is struggling with their sexual identity, what advice would you provide to them?
At the end of the day you need to be true to yourself.
Does safety ever concern you in terms of retaliations from the Muslim community? Have you been threatened?
Thankfully living Canada I can say no, but that is not the case for many gay Muslims around the world.
**
Interview #5
Name: Brian Age: 19 Location: U.S. Gender: Male
Sexual orientation: Bisexual Faith: Muslim
Sexual orientation: Bisexual Faith: Muslim
When was the first time you realized you weren't heterosexual?
Middle school
Middle school
Who did you inform?
Just a few of my closest friends
Just a few of my closest friends
Have you 'come out' to your community/friendss/family?
Some, but not all.
Some, but not all.
If you have, what was the reaction of the community/friends/family?
I get alot of "really?" "Why?" and "I knew it!"
I get alot of "really?" "Why?" and "I knew it!"
How have Muslims reacted when you revealed your sexual orientation? Provide examples
The one muslim I have told was very accepting, but she's gay so I would expect her to understand
The one muslim I have told was very accepting, but she's gay so I would expect her to understand
Have you connected with other Muslims from the LGBTIQ community? If so, how do you connect?
Yes, we were friends in middle school and we now talk on facebook and text.
Yes, we were friends in middle school and we now talk on facebook and text.
Have you dated other Muslims from the LGBTIQ?
No
No
Do you foresee your relationships evolving from casual to a more sacred bond like marriage. Share your thoughts/dreams/hopes.
If it happens, it happens, but I'm not planning on anytrhing
If it happens, it happens, but I'm not planning on anytrhing
How do you reconcile your faith and your sexual orientation?
I don't know how to answer this question...
I don't know how to answer this question...
How would you respond to Muslims who would condemn your lifestyle?
More power to them. Would I be hurt? Yes! But would I understand? Yeah.
More power to them. Would I be hurt? Yes! But would I understand? Yeah.
If someone reading this is struggling with their sexual identity, what advice would you provide to them?
Be who you are and do what you feel is right.
Be who you are and do what you feel is right.
What message would you like to convey to Muslims about Muslims from the LGBTIQ community?
We exist and don't hate!
**We exist and don't hate!
Interview #6
Name: Lukman Age: 34 Location: U.S. Gender: Male
Sexual orientation: Gay Faith: I really do not have one YET! I am on the fence between Islam and Judaism, and attend a Unitarian Universalist church.
When was the first time you realized you weren't heterosexual?
I realized in Kindergarten I had a crush on my best friend, and after telling him how much I liked him he made it REALLY clear that it was not "normal." I did not fully come out until I was a Junior in high school around 1993-1994.
Who did you inform?
I realized in Kindergarten I had a crush on my best friend, and after telling him how much I liked him he made it REALLY clear that it was not "normal." I did not fully come out until I was a Junior in high school around 1993-1994.
Who did you inform?
I told my absolute best friend Patty, she cried with me and became my strongest support and biggest advocate despite being the preacher's daughter.
Have you 'come out' to your community/friends/family?
Everyone knows now. I have been with the same man for 12 years, and married for almost 7 years! I did not tell my parents until I was around 21. They handled it FAR better than I know they would have if I was open when I was in high school. Though they knew back then, we did not discuss it.
Everyone knows now. I have been with the same man for 12 years, and married for almost 7 years! I did not tell my parents until I was around 21. They handled it FAR better than I know they would have if I was open when I was in high school. Though they knew back then, we did not discuss it.
If you have, what was the reaction of the community/friends/family?
When I came out in high school I was rejected, harassed, and pushed so far that I was suicidal. I lost my best friend and a few supposedly good friends. My real friends kept me from doing anything to myself, and did all they could to never leave me alone or get upset.
When I came out in high school I was rejected, harassed, and pushed so far that I was suicidal. I lost my best friend and a few supposedly good friends. My real friends kept me from doing anything to myself, and did all they could to never leave me alone or get upset.
How have Muslims reacted when you revealed your sexual orientation? Provide examples.
Over the last 12 years I have become very interested in Islam, but have been terrified to become a Muslim because of attitudes towards gay people. I recently reached out to a local Imam, asking if he would help me become a Muslim, his response was:
"From my position as Imam my heart and my intention is to help people in following the deen of Islam. This position includes encouraging people to do what Allah (swt) asks of us and to stay away from those things that he has asked us to stay away from. Now you have said a couple of times in your email that you want to learn about Islam. And I say to you that I do not think that is entirely true. It is quite possible that you want to learn about Islam those things with which you already agree. Finding justification for one's beliefs in a religious tradition, and rejecting those things about that religious tradition which one does not believe in is not that uncommon."
This was entirely unfair of him and it only got worse. This is hard for me to recount as it has happened a couple of times when I reached out to Muslims. The reason why I do reach out is that I feel Islam is communal religion: your prayers are meant to be said in UNISON with your community, the wider the ummah. Though I know I can technically say the Shahadah by myself, I keep reading that you should repeat it in front of a community of Muslims in order to make it more "authentic." The Imam continued on to say:
"Certain things are allowed and certain things are not allowed. One of the areas in Islam in which there are fairly clearly laid out restrictions has to do with sex. Sex between men and sex between women is simply not allowed. So in my mind, the performance of that is detrimental to your deen and puts all else in doubt. The second problem for me is the idea that two men or two women can marry. This is also not allowed in Islam. Actually it is so far removed from what marriage means in Islam that it is not even considered. As an Imam, I am asked to wed people according to Islamic law as found in the Qur'an and Hadith. There is no where in those laws and traditions (believe me I have looked), which could even be used to design a wedding ceremony for a same sex couple, much less a marriage."
For about the 8th time in my life my hope of being taught about Islam and become a believer was destroyed.
Over the last 12 years I have become very interested in Islam, but have been terrified to become a Muslim because of attitudes towards gay people. I recently reached out to a local Imam, asking if he would help me become a Muslim, his response was:
"From my position as Imam my heart and my intention is to help people in following the deen of Islam. This position includes encouraging people to do what Allah (swt) asks of us and to stay away from those things that he has asked us to stay away from. Now you have said a couple of times in your email that you want to learn about Islam. And I say to you that I do not think that is entirely true. It is quite possible that you want to learn about Islam those things with which you already agree. Finding justification for one's beliefs in a religious tradition, and rejecting those things about that religious tradition which one does not believe in is not that uncommon."
This was entirely unfair of him and it only got worse. This is hard for me to recount as it has happened a couple of times when I reached out to Muslims. The reason why I do reach out is that I feel Islam is communal religion: your prayers are meant to be said in UNISON with your community, the wider the ummah. Though I know I can technically say the Shahadah by myself, I keep reading that you should repeat it in front of a community of Muslims in order to make it more "authentic." The Imam continued on to say:
"Certain things are allowed and certain things are not allowed. One of the areas in Islam in which there are fairly clearly laid out restrictions has to do with sex. Sex between men and sex between women is simply not allowed. So in my mind, the performance of that is detrimental to your deen and puts all else in doubt. The second problem for me is the idea that two men or two women can marry. This is also not allowed in Islam. Actually it is so far removed from what marriage means in Islam that it is not even considered. As an Imam, I am asked to wed people according to Islamic law as found in the Qur'an and Hadith. There is no where in those laws and traditions (believe me I have looked), which could even be used to design a wedding ceremony for a same sex couple, much less a marriage."
For about the 8th time in my life my hope of being taught about Islam and become a believer was destroyed.
Have you connected with other Muslims from the LGBTIQ community? If so, how do you connect?
I have tried but there is nothing that I know of around me and the one place I knew of online stopped being active, and they eventually let the website expire. One being http://www.al-fatiha.org/ and the other being http://www.progressiveislam.org
I have tried but there is nothing that I know of around me and the one place I knew of online stopped being active, and they eventually let the website expire. One being http://www.al-fatiha.org/ and the other being http://www.progressiveislam.org
Do you foresee your relationships evolving from casual to a more sacred bond like marriage. Share your thoughts/dreams/hopes.
Already did! I was married to my husband 7 years ago.
Already did! I was married to my husband 7 years ago.
How do you reconcile your faith and your sexual orientation?
Despite everything I keep reading, I feel a deep connection to God, Allah, or however you want to label the Divine. Having read the Hebrew Bible and the Qur'an, I do not see what people throw in my face about my sexuality. I actually feel comfortable with my sexuality and Islam or even Judaism.
Despite everything I keep reading, I feel a deep connection to God, Allah, or however you want to label the Divine. Having read the Hebrew Bible and the Qur'an, I do not see what people throw in my face about my sexuality. I actually feel comfortable with my sexuality and Islam or even Judaism.
How would you respond to Muslims who would condemn your lifestyle?
A lot of the condemnations I hear are more cultural or translation dependent, some from a time when science was only beginning and not nearly as advanced as it is now, yet Islam's message is above and beyond all cultures or time periods!
A lot of the condemnations I hear are more cultural or translation dependent, some from a time when science was only beginning and not nearly as advanced as it is now, yet Islam's message is above and beyond all cultures or time periods!
If someone reading this is struggling with their sexual identity, what advice would you provide to them?
Seek help, immediately! There are groups that you can contact no matter where you are that can help connect you to safe places or people: http://www.americanislamicfellowship.com/ http://www.mrmo.org/ http://www.muslimunion.ca/ http://www.pbm.org.uk/ http://www.kritiskemuslimer.dk/
Seek help, immediately! There are groups that you can contact no matter where you are that can help connect you to safe places or people: http://www.americanislamicfellowship.com/ http://www.mrmo.org/ http://www.muslimunion.ca/ http://www.pbm.org.uk/ http://www.kritiskemuslimer.dk/
Does safety ever concern you in terms of retaliations from the Muslim community? Have you been threatened?
Safety is a concern for me, I have never been threatened but I am terrified due to reading many stories of others.
Safety is a concern for me, I have never been threatened but I am terrified due to reading many stories of others.
What message would you like to convey to Muslims about Muslims from the LGBTIQ community?
We are alike. There is nothing to fear from us. We just want to be treated like the brothers and sisters we are! I think a lot of the fear comes from a misconception and misunderstanding of what it means to be LGBT.
We are alike. There is nothing to fear from us. We just want to be treated like the brothers and sisters we are! I think a lot of the fear comes from a misconception and misunderstanding of what it means to be LGBT.
If you have any additional thoughts, please feel free to add them.
With the rampant Islamophobia around the world, members of the LGBT community would be powerful allies in the fight against the lies and deceit. We have dealt with it, and still do unfortunately, and many of us do stand up and fight against Islamophobia. It would be amazing to be able to stand side-by-side and fight for equality and respectful treatment of all of us, UNITED.
*Thank you to all the brave participants with this project. Peace and love to you.
With the rampant Islamophobia around the world, members of the LGBT community would be powerful allies in the fight against the lies and deceit. We have dealt with it, and still do unfortunately, and many of us do stand up and fight against Islamophobia. It would be amazing to be able to stand side-by-side and fight for equality and respectful treatment of all of us, UNITED.
*Thank you to all the brave participants with this project. Peace and love to you.
Posts
33 reflections:
The first time I was introduced to homosexuality was when my old/current good friend told me she kissed a girl, what she didn't tell me was that she later on dated that girl. Cultural/Religious reasons. Most of the time while Muslims have these sexual encounters" I am Muslim" isn't the first thing on their mind, it's just something we carry with us like "I'm from (insert country)" Now my current good friend who has left Islam is bisexual and I couldn't love her as a person more. Her actions are none of my business. The subject of homosexuality and being Muslim is such a complex thing that I can't begin to imagine and such a confusing test to go through but Homosexuality is still a sin in Islam and I don't think it's something to be proud of. In general, being a sinning Muslim isn't something to be proud of. I don't mean to offend anyone with what I'm saying.
Thank you for sharing these stories. I'm actually in the middle of reading Irshad Manji's 'Allah, Liberty and Love' right now. I live in a small town in the middle of the desert and despite it being a conservative Muslim town, there are openly gay men working in supermarkets/department stores.They've always intrigued me and I wish I can ask them the same questions you addressed. Maybe I will.
Thank you, that was really helpful, I'm not alone afterall. I'm 17 and bi, I came out to a close circle of friends who are understanding but I feel they think it's a passing phase. I tested the waters with my mother, bringing up the subject, she made it clear she thinks it's disgusting, and haram, I said even if it's supposedly a sin, God is forgiving and it's up to Him to or not to punish them but I think coming out to my parents is a lost cause. One of my friends said, when I asked him what would change if I hypothetically came out, he said he wouldn't touch be as much and would be apprehensive around me.
personally, I accept who I am but I want to be able to be who I am around the people dearest to me.
Salaam.
You may feel obliged to accept gay people because of the society we live in but when it comes to religion you know its not accepted. You are providing people with the idea that they may act upon their desires. Know that you will be held accountable and that the information you provide others will be questioned too. If someone sins because of the info you provide, you too will be held to account. Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual acts will not be accepted and the title Gay Muslim is laughable. Thoughts as long as they are not acted upon will not be brought forth and held to account but actions will.
I sincerely ask you to think about what you are doing and why.
A big part of Islam is controlling yourself. You have to fight urges to transgress. Regardless if what anyone may say....Islam is crystal clear about sexuality (it takes place between a man and a women & after marriage). Everything else IS haram and will lead to punishment, regardless of people trying to defend their views. Allah presents everyone with hardships of one form of another and we had to overcome them the best we can. Not everything in life is easy and when we have a strong urge to do something that is wrong, we have to wage internal jihad against it. Just because the urge is there does not mean one has to act on it. I'm starving during Ramadan, but I don't break my fast. People that have homosexual urges should control their thoughts & feelings & not act on them. Allah will reward them for each struggles that they face. And if not in this life, then in the next.
Lukman, I'm disappointed with what that imam said to you. I note he said "So in MY mind..." And "the second problem for ME.." So he's making his opinion/interpretation seem like fact. Let Allah be the judge, I say! And what I don't understand about the people who condemn LGBTIQ Muslims is that if you believe Allah made everything in this world and has our destiny determined and is the ultimate judge, then (a)people who naturally feel attraction to the same sex cannot be unnatural or "diseased" - almost all here indicated they felt this way since they were children/young adults, (b) they've already been destined to be who they are (c) it doesn't matter what you think, its what He thinks.
Anonymous @ 6:59pm
These MUSLIMS and others indicate this feeling was natural for them, are you saying they're ALL lying?? Ridiculous. And the alternative is what? To repres natural feelings, fake attraction to and happiness with a member of the opposite sex and carry an internal struggle and a fake/double life? You think this is the niyyah/intention and manner of living life that Allah wants? Organica is not preaching information. She's providing an open forum for discussion for a topic that EXISTS but people like you try to ignore with your narrow-minded and discriminatory views. Open your mind. The shahadah is what you require to believe in to be Muslim. If a person says they are Muslim, then Alhumdulillah! The rest of their past, present and personal life is of no concern to anyone. That's for Allah to judge.
7asbeya Allah w ne3ma El Wakeel!!!!
I dont know what was your intentions (neya) when interviewing people about this topic
Salaam neerfa,
I have not once stated the topic should be shunned or not discussed, of course it exists, as do eating disorders, pornography addictions, alcoholism, drugs, etc. Any problem society has is a potential problem for a Muslim but we have Islam to rely on to help us understand how to live, what is acceptable and what not.
These are not my views, these are the views of Islam. The thing is people can't accept that so they change it or add to it or take something away.
For example those who don't wear hijab, say its not compulsory when in reality they should state hijab is a fardh yet we are not brave enough to wear it. People will not admit to shortcomings rather place the blame elsewhere.
Allah has told us what He wants, it is repeated on numerous occasions within the Quran and through the Prophets. The people of Lut a.s, read up on them and then approach this topic.
The shahadah is what you require but it has seven conditions. Merely stating you believe in one God isn't enough, the Christians and Jews believe the same do they not?
Also just to say I never said the people above are lying & that Organica was preaching, merely providing people with a false hope.
May Allah guide us all on to the path of those whom He has favored & make the truth clear to us and leave no doubt.
"false hope"
What do you mean by this? You think God's mercy is not grand enough to include homosexuals?
Ah.
Have you heard of Him, Ar-Rahman? Ar-Raheem? Al-Afew?
Ya.
False hope has nothing to do with mercy, unless I missed something I don't think repentance was mentioned in the article?
God is merciful to those who repent and adhere to Islam according to the Quran & Sunnah & the understanding of the companions and the scholars that came after.
Surah 4 Ayah 137 & 138
Surah 10 Ayah 44
Surah 15 Ayah 3
Surah 17 Ayah 8
Surah 2 Ayahs 155 - 157
Has anyone considered this is a test and not something that requires a double life or being shunned or not being able to live as supposed to
Anon,
You sorta quoted random verses in the Quran which are irrelevant and taken out of context.
Second, if it's a test from God, you admit that their desires are divinely ordained.
Now, sexual desire is a natural feeling in which God has provided 'halal' outlets to handle such feelings.
What do you suggest homosexual Muslims do in this case? Monks for life?
How'd you feel if I asked you to stay celibate for life?
Be real.
Couple of years we will have a blogpost by Organica titled:
"Finding a voice: Muslim Pedophiles Speak"
or perhaps...
"Finding a voice: Humanizing Muslims Who Practice Bestiality"
They were in regards to Allah forgiving, you can't assume oh God is the most forgiving and most merciful so we will do as we please. It's like the Christians believing Jesus a.s died for their sins.
It is a test and everything we say or do is divinely ordained, its a fundamental faith of belief. How you react to these tests is what differentiates you from being a practicing Muslim or just a Muslim.
They deal with it like people who can't have halal ways of relieving themselves of sexual tension, they pray, they fast and of course the main one.. marriage (but lets not get into that, i get the whole fake marriage, ruining someone elses life etc and i agree with that aspect BUT) giving in and acting upon their desires and then saying God is loving and forgiving, well that is some weird fantasy illusion. How does religion work if we are allowed to do what we like?
We are allowed to do as we like but we are limited in many ways due to our environment. I think religion is one of many ways to reach God. God from the Islamic tradition is merciful and tells us in the Quran he forgives everything except shirk (taking another God with him).
I think that puts everything else to rest. Let people be.
Your solutions for people to fast or pray isn't a solution. If we think of God as fair, then there MUST be a halal outlet for something that is natural.
No, I don't think we are allowed to do as we like cause wouldn't that be following your desires? Also your environment is a factor but Islam is more-so would you not agree?
Allah is as you think of Him and we are taught to believe He is both merciful/forgiving and also the one who will punish. Shirk will not be forgiven, na'am but that doesn't mean we abuse His other attributes by becoming sloppy and carefree.
The point which also needs to be made is He forgives if you repent, if you turn to Him and acknowledge your sins and are willing to make a change. Forgiveness doesn't work if you know you are committing a sin yet you go ahead and hope for the best.
Would you risk crossing the road if a car was traveling towards you at a high speed? No. So why risk your life, your actual life in the hereafter for your desires.
They are solutions, not a quick fix but solutions. I stand firmly by that because Islam has provided those solutions, not I.
If being gay/lesbian is natural then how does the emphasis on marriage work, in Islam we take from the companions and the Prophet s.a.w, they are our examples. How come not one of them was openly gay? Did those feelings not exist back then or maybe they didn't have time to sit around and dwell on such things for they were too busy fighting for Islam and worshipping in Allah in a manner which will please Him.
I cried, I mean really cried! These stories make me feel not-so-alone, and increase my desire to be a Muslim even though I know it would not be easy.
Lukman said:
"Though I know I can technically say the Shahadah by myself, I keep reading that you should repeat it in front of a community of Muslims in order to make it more 'authentic.'"
This is untrue. Saying it to yourself is no less authentic than saying it in front of a group. God is the only Witness you need. The only benefit you may have by saying it in front of a group is that people may try to help you learn everything you need to know to become a practicing Muslim . . . and sadly, in many cases, they'll forget about you after that moment due to the assumption that you can figure it out on your own.
I'm sorry that this isn't really on the main topic, but I just wanted to make a statement about it. Nothing says you have to say the Shahada in front of others for the first time. In fact, some may argue that you don't even have to say it out loud. Having the belief is what makes you a Muslim, not saying a phrase in Arabic. Many people born into Muslim families have probably never said it once in their entire lives.
So please, Lukman, know that there is no technicality when it comes to becoming Muslim. If you have the belief and pledge to at least try to follow the main tenets of the faith, then you're already Muslim. If you don't believe me, there are plenty of sources online that will tell you that you don't need any human being's approval to recite the Shahada. All you need is belief in God.
Organica, you say "If we must think of God as fair, then there MUST be a halal outlet for something that is natural.". Homosexuality is not "natural"....heterosexuality is! I understand that these people felt like they were born with these feelings but some people have A LOT of wrong feelings at young ages. Pedophiles, Rapist, serial Killers all have impulse early on in life. That doesn't mean it's right. We clearly know what is right or wrong, so when we get sinful urges, we have to fight against them
Quite frankly im disgusted by your equation of homosexuality and paedophilia. There are an equal, if no more, number of straight paedophiles as there are gay ones. If you have studies/articles/ etc to prove otherwise, I welcome it.
And honestly, id rather live my life the way i see fit, doing good, knowing that my God will judge me on what i did, how i treated others rather than the gender of the person i loved.
What is truly beyond me however, why you concern yourself with a portion of my life, which in all probable circumstances has no affect on you whatsoever. I like to live by the live and let live rule, but its proving harder and harder to do so.
And just to drive home the above point , id like to say as a Muslim im rather shocked that you would focus on who i choose to share my life with rather than the good deeds i do in this world.
Id rather live a life of fulfilment and without regrets than one where i am in constant fear of falling prey to the temptation that you regard as so sinful.
Mohsin...I never said a homosexual is equal to a rapist or pedophile....I said that these are all wrong behaviors/thoughts. In my honest opinion a gay person is no where near as wrong as a pedophile if we going to talk about to what degree something is awful...but is it wrong...yes. You ask why I should concern myself with that part of you. First, as a Muslim, it is our duty & responsibility to guide/advise our fellow muslims to do the right things Islamically. Does your sexuality affect me or my husban or my three children....no. We have no connection but that of Islam. I'm talking from a place of love & wishing the best for yourself and for for your salvation. Sometimes, words may come across as hateful or construed the wrong way when they aren't said directly as a person. Do I think I'm perfect... No and I'm far from it & have many imperfections as a person. But as a Muslim, I have strive to be better. For instance, I don't do all my prayers and I only started wearing hijab two years ago ( I'm 31). When people told me my flaws, sure I didn't like it but I KNEW for a fact that they were right b/c they were advising me what the Prophet (pbuh) would have advised me and I knew I had to change. And when Muslims advise you of what is right, they are trying to help you as their brother... Not place you up on a stake to be vilified. I know that you feel that your emotion are natural and I'm not sure what the solution is. I know that here is America, there are Christian counseling that has claimed to rehabilitate Gays/Lesbians. I'm not sure if that works or if there are Muslim groups that help with such matters. I don't know what the answer is.
To the Anonymous poster at 11:17 am :
This is what i cannot understand, you admit you are not perfect, yet you judge others by standards you cannot keep yourself!
By saying I am wrong, are you not judging me ?
Hypocrisies abound!
If you're so worried about me, pray for me, pray that i find happiness, however God sees fit, not so i can live life by your standards! Please!
And You've heard about these 'gay-to-straight' conversion clinics have you?
Well i advise you do a bit more reading into what sort of therapy they provide.
Their "therapy" is often based on aversion therapy, and is nothing but new-age brainwashing, and besides why would i seek treatment for something which isnt even considered an Illness?
I hope for your sake your children are straight.I know i would never put anyone i love through that horror
" in Islam we take from the companions and the Prophet s.a.w, they are our examples. How come not one of them was openly gay"
-- how do you know thwy waren't maybe they just didn't want it mentioned???
I think I see what is happening here. There are those who have no idea what being gay means. They do not understand that it is a constant struggle, that you don't choose to be this way, and that the God who has created you has also created those feelings inside of you as well. Being gay does not make you not muslim, nor does it make you a sexual deviant. And to those who compare homosexuality with bestiality, and pedophelia, you are sick. Being gay isn't haram, acting on those urges, from my understanding of the religion is. And just like doing anything sexual before marriage is haram, so is acting on homosexual urges in or outside of marriage as gay marriage is forbidden in Islam. So although I do not think there is a halal outlet for homosexuals, besides living a fake life, I do believe that they should be respected and not judged as they have not chosen this path themselves. If I am given a gay son, I will love him just as much and consider him a muslim just as much. You cannot judge people for who they are. You have no right to. Those people who privilege themselves because they were not tested with the same trials make me sick. I understand that it is a struggle, I wish I could say there was something they could do. But the reality is you cannot ungay yourself. Just like every struggle in life, you have to keep fighting, even if it takes you a lifetime. And know that God is always there and loves you no matter what. Do not judge those people for acting on those urges. I am 24, straight, and unmarried, and sometimes I get sexual urges and fasting doesn't really help. Inchallah I will get married one day. But if you told me that marriage was not permissible for me for any reason, you bet I would go and have sex outside of marriage. You can only control those urges for so long. Don't expect someone to live celibate for life. And even though those are sins, you have no right to judge anyone. Live and let live. I do as I please with my life, and you do as you please with yours. The moment that the right to live my life as I please infringes on your right to live your life as you, then you can talk. But from my understanding, gay people aren't harming non-gay people in any way, shape or form. I think the reason this post sparked so much controversy is BECAUSE it challenges the very stereotypes you have of gays. It could be your child one day. Don't be so quick to judge.
I think it's absurd to compare homosexuality with paedophilia, rape or murder!!! Or even with alocohol/drug addiction or an eating disorder! They are not out to hurt or kill anyone, and it is not an illness! What I don't understand is, why does it bother people what others do? It doesn't affect your express ticket to heaven so just live and let live.
Again I will state that when you're not talking face to face to someone things get misunderstood. Mohsin, i am not a hypocrite b/c I am saying that like you I have flaws and that when people criticized me for my flaws, I tried to be better and I understood that they cared about me. I know people jump at criticism but we need to look at the persons intentions. If someone is criticising you to make themselves feel better that is wrong b/c only God is perfect. We are all flawed in comparison to him. If someone is advising you to help you b/c a better Muslim, that should not be taken offensively but with an open mind. If any one of my kids turn out gay or lesbian...will I love them an less? No, not even an ounce less.? But will I try to advise them how to deal with their feelings. Yes, b/c that is my responsibility as a Muslim first and as a mother second.
Annony 2:28. I'm sorry that comparisons to rapists & pedophiles makes you sick but these are wrong things and people like you said... Can always chose to act or not act on their urges. They are people who love little kids so much that they keep nude pics of them. But they haven't molested anyone...they just have "those feeling.". No one is saying someone who is gay cannot be a Muslims. I agree with you 100% when you say that having sex with any before marriage is haram and having gay sex after marriage is haram. That what I stated above. Why do you assume that i'm from my high horse and haven't dealt issues. Live and let live....umm that's a dumb American phrase. As Muslimeen we are supposed to care and help each other become a better Ummah, not turn our backs on people who need help and guidance. If someone is struggling and someone is trying to advise them, not "judge" b/c only Allah willjudge us in the end, that should not be looked upon so harshly. And for the record...I'm the oldest of six kids. I have a brother who had a threesome with a man and a woman. Do I l feel gravely saddened my this. Yes. Do I love him anyless. No. Does he need strong guidance. Yes. We we brought up is a very religious family and yet he lost his way. Does he know that his actions are wrong. Yes and he has asked God for forgiveness. I bet you didn't expect that from such a "judgmental"person who Just doesn't "understand"
Organica, thank you for opening up a forum for discussion. My partner is a minister and I am in seminary. Knowing her background of having grown up in a town of fundamentalist Christians, I started reading some of the 'anonymous' responses out loud to her. It was like reading the same arguments, in the same order even, as fundamentalist and conservative Christians. I was hoping to hear more creative arguments, but comparison to pedophilia, bestiality, rape and serial killers all standard fare.
Lucman, love you baby. You just keep loving God, and worship in that joyful way that you do. I hope you will soon find a physical community, as you have now found one here online. I have a UU Muslim classmate who is going to become a chaplain. Your teacher will appear. Blessings to you and Organica. Kathleen
To Anon Above this Reply
Do you realise by trying to 'straighten' me out, you are in fact condemning me to a life by myself?
You're basically asking me to turn straight, find a girl, and live what you view as a 'normal' life. I cannot even begin to explain how aghast I am at this.
And you're right, i am offended. You're having me change something within me, that i NEVER chose in the first place.
God knows, if there was a pill to turn me straight, I would take it, hands down. Life would be so much easier for me.
But there isn't, so I cant.
If i was a straight parent of a gay child, the first thing id want them to be was happy.Trust me, helping them deal with 'their feelings' wont make them happy.
And for the record, im the only son, in a family of 7 children, the youngest at that. Imagine the pressure i have to deal with.
You're brother is irrelevant in this matter - it sounds you would have been less offended if he had a threesome with two women.
Can someone please tell me if homosexuality is so natural, what about the nation of Lut (as)?
Do be honest, the fact that he had sex before marriage is what saddened me, not who had sex with. I only brought him up b/c someone commented that people shouldn't talk when they don't know anyone who has struggled with their sexuality.
And I still have no answer to what you should do. I understand you're in a difficult situation and my only advice above was to fight your urge but that's not an end solution.
From reading the interviews and comments I would like to say one thing; that I totally understand. Sometimes there is a natural feeling your born with and you just can't get rid of but let me ask you one thing how did Omar (R) and MANY other sahabah gave up EVERYTHING right on the spot upon saying the shahadah. Really this amazes me till today HOW DID THEY DO THAT?? I always think to myself, i cant give up some stupid habit when they gave up their world. And did I mention Omar is the guy who said that if it was declared that everyone will go to Jannah except one person that would be me. Just think about that for a moment. :)
Your right verily God does not put a burden which you cannot handle. But you know what else comes to my mind when i hear this 'God loves those whom he test'. Everytime I’m going through a rough time when I think of this, peace seeps into my heart. Have Patience and Try! Try! Try! and when God sees you striving to do something good 'like giving up homosexuality' HE will make it easier for you, I can almost promise that.
And your right God is the Most Merciful but then tell me why he created the Hell Fire in the first place? Don't mean to kill the whole thing but seriously we can't even have that much hope. I mean its like sayin “I didn't study for the test but don't worry my teacher will pass me anyway” Anyway just know if you REALLY can't do something atleast TRY and God will make it easier for you Insha’Allah. Just warning you to not have that much hope and just sit there waiting for a miracle to come upon you, but honestly the judging is not my job its between you and God.
If you really want to change, I’ll tell you whats better then therapy and pills, God, all you need is God. There is a famous saying from Sheikh Uthaymeen (I don't remember exact words): If you want God to talk to you, read the Quran and if you want to talk to God, pray salah and if you want to ask for forgiveness know that God's doors are always open.
You don't need anyone to ridicule you
You don't need anyone assure you
You don't need anyone to reject you
You don't need anyone to support you
You don't need anyone deny you
You don't need anyone to believe you
You Don't Need Anyone
because at the end of the day its between you and God
and I have no right to judge you
P.S: I hope noone took offense to any of what I said for I ask forgiveness from God. And whatever I have said wrong came from satin and my wrong doing and whatever good came from God.
From reading the interviews and comments I would like to say one thing; that I totally understand. Sometimes there is a natural feeling your born with and you just can't get rid of but let me ask you one thing how did Omar (R) and MANY other sahabah gave up EVERYTHING right on the spot upon saying the shahadah. Really this amazes me till today HOW DID THEY DO THAT?? I always think to myself, i cant give up some stupid habit when they gave up their world. And did I mention Omar is the guy who said that if it was declared that everyone will go to Jannah except one person that would be me. Just think about that for a moment. :)
Your right verily God does not put a burden which you cannot handle. But you know what else comes to my mind when i hear this 'God loves those whom he test'. Everytime I’m going through a rough time when I think of this peace seeps into my heart. Have Patience and Try! Try! Try! and when God sees you striving to do something good 'like giving up homosexuality' HE will make it easier for you, I can almost promise that.
And your right God is the Most Merciful but then tell me why he created the Hell Fire in the first place? Don't mean to kill the whole thing but seriously we can't even have that much hope. I mean its like sayin “I didn't study for the test but don't worry my teacher will pass me anyway” Anyway just know if you REALLY can't do something atleast TRY and God will make it easier for you Insha’Allah. Just warning you to not have that much hope and just sit there waiting for a miracle to come upon you, but honestly the judging is not my job its between you and God.
If you really want to change, I’ll tell you whats better then therapy and pills, God, all you need is God. There is a famous saying from Sheikh Uthaymeen (I don't remember exact words): If you want God to talk to you, read the Quran and if you want to talk to God, pray salah and if you want to ask for forgiveness know that God's doors are always open.
You don't need anyone to ridicule you
You don't need anyone assure you
You don't need anyone to reject you
You don't need anyone to support you
You don't need anyone deny you
You don't need anyone to believe you
You Don't Need Anyone
because at the end of the day its between you and God
and I have no right to judge you
P.S: I hope noone took offense to any of what I said for I ask forgiveness from God. And whatever I have said wrong came from satin and my wrong doing and whatever good came from God.
Isn't it so convenient to say that the feelings are there divinely? if so, then so are the feelings/desires to commit sins.
Allah gives us the free will to decide. He also sent down rules for us to abide. We are constantly tested in this world with the desire to commit sin. How we react to the tests/desires is entirely up to us. Allah will not give up on those who have faith in HIM. With every wrong turn we make, there will always be an option to turn to the right path, provided we make that turn. Make a conscious effort to turn to the right path, HE will make it easier inshallah.
May Allah guide us all in our Jihad in this world.
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